DH proposed holiday with his DB & DM

[windchimes8]

Just need perspective really. DH's DB has provisionally booked a holiday with their elderly DM on canal boat. DH only found out a few days ago and answer is needed today. It's for 7 nights later this year. During the time away I will be responsible for DS 21, evening meals, washing up, housework, 2 dog walks (approx. half hour each). I also work in the middle of the day at school standing/walking & putting up lunch tables . Last year injured knee, still not 100 percent but getting better slowly, osteoarthritis diagnosed. So excessive standing and walking gives flare up.

Has been suggested to make it 5 nights and/or half term week so no work for me, dog walker for 1st walk of the day which is usually off lead.

These suggestions will be made by DH to his DB but had cold shoulder from DH yesterday cos I didn't green light the hol. BIL can't go on his own with MIL as it would be too much work. They went away last year on the same hol 2 days after my injury, could not be cancelled or moved. AIBU?

So there will be just you plus a 21 yr old? erm, yabu - 21 yr old can make their own food, dog walker if really needed so no probs surely?

In that case, I think that your BIL is taking piss a little (unless your DH actively wants to go?).

Also, God help your DS's future partner if he is being brought up to expect dinner on the table for him when he comes in, prepared by the nearest woman. If he is coming in after you would have normally eaten your own meal, he can cook for himself, like the rest of us do. He's 21, not 11.

If the holiday has been provisionally booked only - doesn't this count as DH consulting you? Did he know BIL was going to book it?

Other than that, I'm with everyone else - get a dog walker, do some batch cooking in advance, get your 21 year old to pull his weight.

Then I think YABU. It is a week. Appreciate DS has a long working day but surely he is capable of cooking his own meals/cooking for both of you, come to that, or doing one of the dog walks/washing up? (What does he actually do around the house normally?)

Don't shoot the messenger - if DH only found out a few days ago it's not his fault there wasn't lots of discussion first. How did you work it all out last year if it was only two days after you'd hurt yourself, who did the cooking/washing up/dog walking then if he was away?

In all honesty I think you are being unreasonable. Lots of 21 year olds work and still make meals. Use a dog walker and a slow cooker if necessary. It would have been nicer to consult you first, but really you are OTT to think you are being left a lot to do.

Your DS is 21 and can't feed himself? Ever feel like you've failed? I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill.

I'd suggest its a good time for your 21 year old to learn to cook. Perhaps you could offer to supervise him that week in exchange for some dog walking responsibilities. He could get up earlier, take the dog for a walk, and then again after he's had his self-cooked supervised by you dinner

Then everyone is a winner!

So, you don't want your dh to go because you will have to do all the usual stuff to look after yourself and your dog you normally do, plus cook evening meals for 2 people rather than One? Have I really got that right?

Yab massively unreasonable. Yes the holiday sounds misguided and it's unreasonable for bil to arrange it without discussion, but you are being ridiculous. Even if your knee plays up.

Cooking for 2 is no harder than cooking for one. Get your adult ds to help or bring a takeaway or ready meals a couple of nights if its really that bad. Ask him to walk to dog in the morning or afternoon. Or pay someone to do it. But ffs don't make it difficult for your dh to spend time with his family for such ridiculous non reasons.

Oh I didn't see your last post, your 21 year old son should be helping you out with cooking and dog walking given your knee problems. The lack of consultation and the cold shoulder would still piss me off though so I don't think YABU to say no or look for a compromise where DH goes for a few days.

NotYou, this 21-year-old manchild has zero chance of getting a partner at all if he expects some women to skivvy for him because he works long hours. PMSL. Women that age no longer put up with that.

My MIL was like this with BIL. He still lives at home at 38.

changey - yes there is - if she requires two adults to manage her on holiday, she is, by logical extension, somewhat infirm.

No there isn't. It says it would be too much work- that could be too much work on the boat.

Your DS can cook his own dinner or warm up a portion of what you have for yourself. Or do the cooking for both of you if he's home in time. Your job is what it is, your DH being away won't make it worse. Getting a dog walker to walk the dog seems a good idea if you'd struggle due to knee. Half term might be more expensive than cheaper hols plus dog walker. 7 nights not that much worse than 5. Could DH take dog?

Don't know of you are being unreasonable but the lazy 21 year old certainly is!!!
Agree that canal boat with a lady that needs 2 men to look after her is a daft idea as well. Can you get a cottage or something and all go ( assuming you want to)

Can't they take the dog with them?

Yes, what if his future partner also works long hours and gets up early? Will they both starve?

Perhaps they want to spend some time with their elderly mother? Perhaps she has always had a dream to have a canal boat holiday, or used to do them and loved them etc, and they are being kind sons? Also when I was 21 I moved back to my parents for a year and I could cook my own food and do my washing etc. So your son being at home doesn't have to be a hindrance to you just getting on with your own stuff. Get him to walk the dog. I'd be inclined to think 1 week isn't that big a deal.

Is the OP proposing to stay at home while her DH goes on the boating trip? And this is hard because she has to cook for a man, and walk a dog?

I am confused.

It's annoying it's last minute and BIL and MIL should have thought it through more carefully, but it doesn't sound like you are going to be doing a huge amount more than when your DH is there.
If your DS is 21 he can help with the washing up/dog walking no matter how long a day he works -it's only a week. Or leave the housework for a week -and if DS really can't help with dog walking get a walker for an hour, then do a shorter, round the block for the other walk.
Not sure why BIL is involved in the dog walker suggestion unless you expect him to pay? Going at half term will make it much more expensive!

Your DS can pull his finger out and cook for himself; and for you, for that matter. And he can walk the dog.

But your BIL needs to be told firmly not to keep arranging holidays at bad times for you without discussing them.

DS age 21 can walk the dog. Problem solved.You will have plenty of time to make tea (ham sandwiches are great) or he can pick you both up a takeaway. He needs to get up 30 mins earlier in the morning and then take it out when he gets home

You sound overly precious to me. You work part time (as a lunchtime supervisor-so roughly 10 hours a week) . I appreciate that you have an injury but the school wouldn't let you work if you were not fit enough.

Unless I'm missing something YABU

A 21yo does not need looking after, I fear for any future partner he has TBH if he can't make his own dinner and walk a dog. How many hours a day do you work? Is it a lunchtime position in a school?

The part where you're not BU is lack of notice/discussion

I qualified as a nurse at 21 and worked 14 HR days, I coped with feeding myself, must have been my girly bits that did the cooking!

YABU. All the reasons you have give are a bit flimsy. A 21 year old can cook and clean after him self- please don't encourage this waiting hand and foot with him.

I think it's really nice they want to spend time with their mother and shouldn't really be dictated to by you when they can do it especially as there are no small children involved.

Book yourself a trip away when you can too.

Sorry but a 21yr old can look after himself and walk the dog once a day. I'm not sure what the issue is? You don't want to be left on your own for a week? And wash up from cooking your dinner? Is DH your carer?

YABU. Let your DH go with his family.

Yabu....

I thought it was a typo and he was 21 months!!