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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH proposed holiday with his DB & DM

154 replies

windchimes8 · 16/02/2015 12:01

Just need perspective really. DH's DB has provisionally booked a holiday with their elderly DM on canal boat. DH only found out a few days ago and answer is needed today. It's for 7 nights later this year. During the time away I will be responsible for DS 21, evening meals, washing up, housework, 2 dog walks (approx. half hour each). I also work in the middle of the day at school standing/walking & putting up lunch tables . Last year injured knee, still not 100 percent but getting better slowly, osteoarthritis diagnosed. So excessive standing and walking gives flare up.

Has been suggested to make it 5 nights and/or half term week so no work for me, dog walker for 1st walk of the day which is usually off lead.

These suggestions will be made by DH to his DB but had cold shoulder from DH yesterday cos I didn't green light the hol. BIL can't go on his own with MIL as it would be too much work. They went away last year on the same hol 2 days after my injury, could not be cancelled or moved. AIBU?

OP posts:

cleanmyhouse · 16/02/2015 12:35

YABVU

And your 21 year old son sounds spoilt.

Get a dog walker and let your husband take his mum away on what could well be one of the last times he can do it based on her age.

changeychangechangeychange · 16/02/2015 12:35

I wonder if your poor DH just needs some breathing space. It must be claustrophobic and very demanding to have a wife and 21 year old who are totally dependent on him for day to day tasks. Maybe this is his respite from it all.

expatinscotland · 16/02/2015 12:39

He won't get a partner with that attitude. LOL. My nieces are around that age. They don't hesitate to dump manchildren who subscribe to 1950s mentalities, as do all their friends. Everyone has to work hard and long these days, it doesn't mean you are entitled to opt out of looking after yourself.

CatsClaus · 16/02/2015 12:40

Are you really sure you should have a job if you find day to day life so onerous?

You do realise there is no reason in the world your ds cannot feed himself, and walk the dog, presuming that as he manages to hold down a fulltime job that he can open beans and make toast and dole out dog food?

SunnyBaudelaire · 16/02/2015 12:41

I dont know perhaps he finds holding the frying pan with his penis irksome, obviously a woman could grip it better with her flaps.
haha sorry I stole that line from another mnetter re ironing.

Piratespoo · 16/02/2015 12:41

Completely unreasonable! Two adults can't look after themselves for a week? Selfish too.
Does your dh do all the normal jobs you have listed? Get ready meals for a week if it's such a problem. Really!

expatinscotland · 16/02/2015 12:42

Exercise and building up muscle mass also very good to osteoarthritis.

Your DH sounds like he needs a break.

Your son needs a kick up the arse, spoilt and lazy doesn't bode well for his future.

Only1scoop · 16/02/2015 12:42

Sunny

IMurderedStampyLongnose · 16/02/2015 12:44

Get over yourself missus,just say yeah go ahead and have fun DH,no need to make a drama of it.Get a dog walker and some microwave meals and you're sorted.

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 16/02/2015 12:44

Waiting for the OP to come back with a massive drip feed, or else this has to be a wind up as it is just too weird.

A healthy 21 YO who apparently is unable to feed himself or walk a dog.

An elderly lady who needs both her sons to look after her but is planning to holiday in a cramped space with difficult access.

Assuming you don't actually want to go on the canal holiday, I would put the dog in kennels/pay a walker, book myself a short break somewhere warm and sunny and leave them all to it .

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 16/02/2015 12:44

Reading OP again is this more because you were left to cope last year while they went on same holiday just after you were injured? Can see why that would piss you off and was probably awfull week. But this year surely you can get a dog walker and enjoy having house mostly to self when DS at work.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/02/2015 12:45

A 21 year old is an adult, he can do his own meals and washing! Stop mothering him, you are not doing his future partner any favours.

McKayz · 16/02/2015 12:46

Your DS can make his own bloody dinner. How ridiculous.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 16/02/2015 12:46

YABU.

You are one of the most clear cut U's I think I have ever seen.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/02/2015 12:46

Cant he walk the dogs, or you book a dog walker or something.

Fairylea · 16/02/2015 12:47

This is yet another thread recently with a perfectly able adult in their early twenties getting their mum doing everything for them. It's absolutely bonkers. Surely part of being a good parent is encouraging them to fend for themselves?!

changeychangechangeychange · 16/02/2015 12:48

An elderly lady who needs both her sons to look after her but is planning to holiday in a cramped space with difficult access.

It doesn't say that- the boat needs 2 able bodied adult to do the locks etc. The Mil doesn't need care and is not infirm but she can't scramble to manage the boat. That seems reasonable.

treacleturkey · 16/02/2015 12:48

Wow.

This has made me laugh. Lots.

21 year old who can't fend for himself? A woman who can't walk a dog and has a very demanding job as a dinner lady?

bigbluebus · 16/02/2015 12:48

Lots of people take dogs on canal boat holidays. Tell your DH to take the dog with him - problem solved.
21yo DS can heat his own food up in the microwave when he gets in.

Justmuddlingalong · 16/02/2015 12:52

Rather than a stick of rock, perhaps they could bring you back a grip.

Lordofmyflies · 16/02/2015 12:52

It's simple. Your Ds gets up early and goes to work. You walk the dog. You go to work. Ds comes home, walks the dog and makes dinner. Continue as needed.

ChasedByBees · 16/02/2015 12:56

Sorry, I agree with everyone else, YABU and your DS needs to pick up the pace a bit and learn to fend for himself. I work long hours, come home and cook and play with my toddler because I miss her during the day. It's knackering but that's life.

If you really must cook for him, cook once - make a massive batch of
Bolognaise, freeze it and he can microwave it daily.

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 16/02/2015 12:58

OK, sorry, I forgot about the locks. DH, BIL, MIL and the dog will have a fantastic time on their canal boat holiday and MIL can watch the world go by while her sons do the locks.

So, OP where are you going while they are all off? what time of year did you say it was? France/Spain/Canaries/Balerics etc would be lovely for a relaxing peaceful break of pottering/reading/swimming/walking/lazing in the sun without having to look after everyone for a few days - you might not even want to come back .

AnyFucker · 16/02/2015 13:01

is this a spoof thread ?

or a reverse ?

frumpet · 16/02/2015 13:01

Most people have osteoarthritis in their knees as they get older , it is down to wear and tear . When I say older, mine have given me jip since I was in my 30's and are worse when I weigh a lot more than I should , like I do at the moment .
I am surprised that a 21 year old isn't capable of making a few meals or ordering in a take away . I left mine for a week when he was 18 and he didn't starve .
If you are not physically able to walk the dog , then get a dog walker for the week , it won't be cheap though . Or if you have a garden could you chuck a ball for it for half an hour ?

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