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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH proposed holiday with his DB & DM

154 replies

windchimes8 · 16/02/2015 12:01

Just need perspective really. DH's DB has provisionally booked a holiday with their elderly DM on canal boat. DH only found out a few days ago and answer is needed today. It's for 7 nights later this year. During the time away I will be responsible for DS 21, evening meals, washing up, housework, 2 dog walks (approx. half hour each). I also work in the middle of the day at school standing/walking & putting up lunch tables . Last year injured knee, still not 100 percent but getting better slowly, osteoarthritis diagnosed. So excessive standing and walking gives flare up.

Has been suggested to make it 5 nights and/or half term week so no work for me, dog walker for 1st walk of the day which is usually off lead.

These suggestions will be made by DH to his DB but had cold shoulder from DH yesterday cos I didn't green light the hol. BIL can't go on his own with MIL as it would be too much work. They went away last year on the same hol 2 days after my injury, could not be cancelled or moved. AIBU?

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 16/02/2015 14:05

Even in a week your ds won't starve to death. how did he get to 21 and unable to use a toaster or microwave.

If your dh works then surely the responsibility is no different than when he's there.

your ds also won't drop dead having to walk the dog.

maddy68 · 16/02/2015 14:07

Yabu.

I have a disability I would cope fine

You sound rather needy and overbearing in all honesty

TattyDevine · 16/02/2015 14:08

I am trusting his new job isn't as a chef?

Mutley77 · 16/02/2015 14:21

Sorry but I am totally overcome with laughter reading this!! I feel unreasonable if I am a bit reluctant for dh to go away on the basis that I have a 21 month old plus two older children... The thought that it would possibly be reasonable to suggest he shouldn't go away leaving me with a 21 year old and a dog, sorry but words fail me!

krustyem · 16/02/2015 14:26

You seriously can't manage looking after yourself and a couple of dogs for 5 days, oh plus a man child Hmm. I think it's nice that 2 sons want to take their mum away. You need to get a grip.

Clawdy · 16/02/2015 14:27

What Muttley77 said.....

krustyem · 16/02/2015 14:29

Sorry 7 nights and 1 dog.... You still need to get a grip

DialsMavis · 16/02/2015 14:32

I don't understand. Does DH do all housework, cooking and dog walking currently? FWIW my 12 year old has to cook dinner some nights

aderynlas · 16/02/2015 14:35

Let your dh go and enjoy a canal holiday op. Your ds can help with the dogs and he ll probably relish the chance to cook for himself and you too. He ll be like jamie oliver by the end of a week .

Justmuddlingalong · 16/02/2015 14:35

Are you terrified that if your DH leaves the house for a holiday, he may run, very fast and very far away?

ILovePud · 16/02/2015 14:42

This is just getting nasty now, remember the poster is a real person, there's no need to mock or be so nasty.

NancyRaygun · 16/02/2015 14:42

Honestly justmuddlingalong! that made me laugh.

NancyRaygun · 16/02/2015 14:43

Sorry IlovePud you are right.

SnowWhiteAteTheApple · 16/02/2015 14:44

YABVU, what lovely sons to take their mum on a holiday she wants. I'd be pushing DH out the door if it was the only way his mum could get to go.

What is it with adults who can't cope on their own, with or without children.

Royalsighness · 16/02/2015 14:53

YABU this is so ridiculous, your husband doesn't need to do anything you can't do yourself or that your son should be doing already.

Let him take his mother away and hope that one day your son will want to do the same for you.

ILovePud · 16/02/2015 14:56

My comment wasn't directed at any particular poster, NancyRayGun (love the name btw Grin) OP hasn't been back for a while so she may have just hidden the thread, I think people have raised some really useful points for her to consider, particularly around revaluating her expectations her adult son but difficult circumstances and relationships build up over years and it's hard to see them objectively. I just wonder how it must feel for her getting, not only a barrage of YABU, but having the piss taken to such an extent.

Justmuddlingalong · 16/02/2015 14:57

I'm not mocking or being nasty. The OP's whole family relationship sounds completely claustrophobic and unnaturally interdependent.

MythicalKings · 16/02/2015 15:00

Ridiculous. YABVU and a little bit potty.

Summerisle1 · 16/02/2015 15:01

I realise that this isn't a competition but honestly! At the age of 21, ds1 had already lived and worked away in Australia for a year and ds2 was living independently at university in London. So really, if your DS can't cope with coming home and getting some supper, perhaps this holiday is exactly the kick up the arse he needs! He could also walk the dog too. Don't enable his laziness!!

Also, I'm sorry about your osteoarthritis. I have it in the knees (as well as elsewhere) and it is bloody painful. But it isn't as if you are being left at home to cope with very small children or a full-time job, is it? All you have to manage is a few quiet days at home and quite frankly, some of us with arthritis have to manage far greater challenges.

So yes, YABU. Although I don't think your DH giving you the silent treatment is any way to solve a problem either.

aderynlas · 16/02/2015 15:04

I wasnt being mean with the Jamie Oliver comment. My ds could cook but decided to go on a course for fun. I have reminded him hes not too big for a clip round the ear if he sniggers at the way i chop onions .Grin

Caravanoflove · 16/02/2015 15:05

Your son is an adult so you are not responsible for him.
Exercise is good for OA and your son can help walk the dog when it's too much.
Your husband wants to take his mother away, why is that a bad thing?
Why on earth can't he go? I'm really confused.

fatherpeeweestairmaster · 16/02/2015 15:06

OP, you did ask for perspective, and it's a unanimous YABU. But a quick glance at some of your other threads does suggest this is part of a bigger problem with your DS - maybe it's time to step back and realise that he's a grown man and needs to start taking more responsibility for his own life?

DeeWe · 16/02/2015 15:26

I agree with the comments on the 21yr old. But maybe it's not so much him expecting it, as OP just doing it.

Certainly both my 14yo and 11yo would manage fine getting dinner, and I suspect my 7yo would be as long as he wasn't using too sharp knives. They'd probably quite enjoy it. You could send the dog on the narrow boat too, as they're ideal for them, as security as well as they can walk along with the boat.

But, having been on several canalboat holidays I can't help wondering what on earth your bil was thinking.

Assuming they're planning on moving it further than the nearest pub and back that is.

Firstly you need to be able to get on and off occasionally quickly. That's not that easy, and we seemed to usually have to jump a crop of nettles when we landed-usually into mud! Any water on it, and the sides can be very slippery.

The beds are small, and a choice of very low to the ground or top bunk. Not the easiest thing to get in or out of.

If she's any balance issues she's going to struggle moving about-the toilet isn't the easiest place to balance either. Grin

And then we have the work load.
Assuming she isn't driving, which I might be wrong on, it's going to be one person drving, one person operating locks. Now locks aren't dreadful most of the time, but actually it's pretty boring jumping out, opening the lock gate, open gate, wait for boat to go in, reverse process. With two people it's okay, you can chat and help each other. One person it really gets to you. There may well be areas where you are just walking from one lock to the next.

Then what's your mil going to do? She's going to spend most of the moving time sitting on her own. Because you don't generally want to sit up with the driver as the engine is too noisy for chatting nicely. I liked sitting on top of the roof best, but I doubt your mil will be up for that.

The boats can also, even with heating, be very cold. Dh remembers one trip at half term where it was so wet that waves were breaking on top of the boat as they drove along.

It's not really a nice holiday for 3 people, even 3 able and willing adults, in beautiful sunshine. For 6 people all of whom can operate locks and/or drive it is nice.

AmateurSeamstress · 16/02/2015 15:28

Honestly OP, get your DH to take the dog with him or put it in kennels for the week, and take yourself off on a nice little holiday. It will do you and DS a world of good for him to sort out his own tea for once.

This is all assuming DS can't help out with the dog.

SuperFlyHigh · 16/02/2015 15:32

I was staying home at I think 16 onwards looking after the house sorry trashing it! (actually no we were good kids) when my parents went abroad for 2 weeks.

that included me/brother walking a labrador twice a day.

What you do is get microwave or oven meals OR if funds allow just let your 21 year old have money for takeaways. Hire a cleaner for a few hours for that week (towards the end) if you think the house will be messy.