To really hate having such an unusual name?

[Oddnameout]

Okay - this is long and ranty and probably a bit woe-is-me but here goes.

My name is very unusual. I have never met anyone else with it. A lot of people struggle to pronounce it, laugh at it, say it repeatedly in a silly voice, say a different name altogether. I'm sure you get the picture!

All that is harder than it sounds. I often dread having to introduce myself because of the above.

But the worst thing is that I'm not awarded any anonymity at all. Some examples I can think of are:

Unsuccessful interviews are remembered because of my name. If I apply to the company in the future my name is recalled.

Google searches; the first two pages of Google are all me.

I rang the Samaritans once due to depression. I was asked my name. I gave a different one on the off chance I knew the lady but she constantly used it and it became jarring and off putting.

I don't want to change it; I would feel like an idiot saying to all my friends 'from now on call me sophie' or whatever.

But - aibu to be fed up? Or am I over-reacting?

I have a very common, very boring, name of my generation. It is one syllable and sort of disappears when I have to give my full name. I hate meetings where I have to introduce myself. Worst of all is that everybody spells it wrong. It is so rude, especially on an email when the correct spelling is there in front of them. Then they say it doesn't matter, or they know another X spelled the way they've spelled mine.

I think you will find lots of people have similar problems to you, but the other way around. Perhaps you just need to take a deep breath, correct the stupid people, and if they laugh give them an icy stare and make a quip out of their name.

I think I would start by asking people why they think its olay to talk in a silly voice when saying your name.

To the people who laugh, look at them and ask why they think its funny.

In short, stand up for yourself!

Im sure its not pleasant, but people will stop when you start putting your foot down :D

you shouldn't have to change or use another name because other people cant say it properly. So if you aren't going to change it, is there any way you can resign yourself to it being so distinctive? And to just accept that when you tell people it over the phone you are going to have to spell it and/or tell the caller how to say it? I don't really know what the options are here. I can only imagine how wearing it must get at times though.

Okay lol (hope your name isnt spanish :D )

So, erm... what is your name then?

Why does it bother you that you have a name that serves as a useful shit-filter? Surely when someone does something odd in reaction to your name that is giving you a nice clear signal that they are a wrong 'un? Seems very useful to me :)

I changed my name. It wasn't an English name. Nobody else had my name at school but oddly enough I wasn't teased there.

The trouble really started when I got a bit older and people started to comment. Little things started to chip away at me, like having people say "Eh? Pardon? You what?" when I introduced myself and making an appointment at the doctors was an effort, and people were just so rude.

Also at work, we would send letters out saying please contact "Weirdname Crossbag" or "Joe Bloggs" and EVERYONE would ask for Joe Bloggs!! Adults used to make fun of it and ask me if i'd been bullied at school because of it.

It got to the point where I became so self conscious that I dreaded being introduced to people. It chipped away at my confidence and held me back.

One day, something snapped and I changed it by deed poll. It was the best £40 (I think) that I have ever spent. I simply told everyone that from that day forward I wanted to be known as Jane. My confidence increased in an instant and I have never looked back. In my current circle, few people now remember me as my old name!

I kind of envy you. As someone further up said an unusual name is real conversation opener. I bet there's an interesting story behind your name. My name is plain and boring Clare. There's no story behind my name. Mum liked it and Dad said, Names are your department. Mum could have called me John and Dad would have said "Oh that's nice".
I find it very weird that adults tease you about your name. I've never came across children doing that never mind adults. #strangepeople.

I always got pissed off having my surname misspelled, mispronounced or mangled into something else entirely AFTER changing it by deed poll. Eventually changed it back and always insist on being called by my first name (difficult working in legal profession, though)

You're not being unreasonable at all. I am actually considering changing my name by deed poll to something a bit more vanilla.

My name is Olwen. Hated it all my life. I get called all sorts of things, I have people telling me it's spelled wrong (they think it should be Olwyn which is something else entirely.) Some people think it's a man's name. It's too bad I don't live in Wales.

Next time round I want to be Sue or Linda or Debbie...

Name changed for this, obviously!

Well OP it seems that you've changed your tune since your OP title.

The sad truth is, you cannot change how people react to your name. You can attempt to change your friends of course, let them know how much it hurts you, but how exactly do you announce to people, before they've had a chance to offend you, to not offend you?

An example for me, my accent means I don't pronounce "r" the same way people from my area do, and so when I say my colleague's (female) name it sounds like a completely different (male) name so I've had to change how to say it to stop the confusion. Could I get huffy that people are stupid and hear something I'm not actually saying? Sure. Is it simpler for me just to change how I say it? Yes, and so I do.

Your post does serve as a reminder to parents-to-be to consider their kids feelings before they name them lest they feel the way that you do.

So, sorry, YABU to expect people to change their reaction. YANBU to expect people to stop being rude, but you can't stop it until it happens and then choose how you wish to react.

Disarm people before they have a chance to offend you. I'd probably go with

• "My name is Sassafrass but feel free to call me Sass if you have trouble pronouncing my real name".
• "It's a bit unusual, it's Sasquach, Squash is fine".
• "Lisa".

Each time saying it as a statement and continuing with whatever other greeting/sentence you normally would "...Squash is fine. Would you like to go to the meeting now or do you need more time?"

As for the rest - at least you know that any impression people have is of you and not someone else with the same name!!

I have a very unusual surname for England (not that unusual in Ireland) I LOVE the uniqueness of my name. No one can spell or pronounce it. I NEVER get confused with anyone other than my mother... I am also known by an unusual nickname that I made up from my first name in a fit of "OH FFS" when I was 19. My first name is 8 letters long with no natural abbreviation AND also my mother's name

I am contemplating changing my name by deed poll to my abbreviation. At 31, I think I now now know that I don't need a "lawyer" "Judge" "boardroom" name! I regularly have clients, suppliers etc trying to work out my first name as they have the initial on my payment details and it's pointless because if people say it I don't hear them

When I marry this year, I will be taking DP's surname. It's really boring and common (think Smith) and I'm so sad to say goodbye to my lovely unique surname, I'm glad my known name is unique.

OP. If people laugh at your name perhaps they're responding to you and how you present yourself? I'm purely speculating but if you're apologetic about it when you introduce yourself then people feel more able to question. You sound proud of your name so are you proud of it when you introduce yourself? Of people act like small children then that's their prerogative. Perhaps find yourself some adults to converse with or say "I love it, it means XXXXX" or "I know, but wouldn't the world be boring if we were all called Dave?"

Unique names for unique people.

32 years and people are still being prats? Perhaps look at how you present yourself. If you're friendly, and they're taking the piss (baby voice etc) just walk away or repeat their name back to them mimicking their tone.

...I'm pretty passive aggressive aren't i?!!

I have a very unusual name, over 40 years and I've never met another, in fact one one person has ever told me that they have met another 'me' and I wasn't sure if I believed them! I also have an unusual surname, so the combination is unique.

The difference is that I love my name, I rather like being fairly instantly recognisable, and most importantly I tend to get very positive reactions to it alongside the 'where does that come from' question.

Sure people misspell and mispronounce it, but that really doesn't bother me. It's unusual, so I tend to think why should they know how to say it? I do get annoyed when on the phone I get 'what/pardon', but now I just say 'my name is x, would you like me to spell it, it's x,q,z etc etc' almost as a single response.

I don't use it at Starbucks, making reservations etc as it's just too much trouble. I use my dd's name when I'm on my own, and dh's for reservations etc.

Oh and I do have an option of a bog standard shortening if I want, although in practice it's the one thing I never respond to and get pissed off if people try to use.

That must be hard for you actually hating your name so much it upsets you what were your parents thinking. Ive a normal 1970s name but people shorten it I wince when I hear it I know my name is long but I wish people wouldn't shorten it if I mention it im snooty

.

I think you have two choices, you either speak to people and ask them to stop when they say your name in a way you don't like and you learn to liv with that, or you change your name.

My parents, as well as being neglectful idiots, lumbered me with the name Starlight. It got changed (thank fuck my Nana persuaded/bullied them into giving us all middle names!). People didn't take long to get used to it and the only surprising thing was that being the youngest I was the first of their children to change their name (although mine is the worst, by a fair way). Life is way to short to have a feeling of dread in your stomach every time someone mentions your name imo.

My first is common, but my surname is unique in that ALL the holders of it are blood relatives.

The real problem is that it's made of two English roots (think "Ling" and "Field") so people constantly misspell it. I first corrected a teacher when I was 5, and 50 years later I'm still at it.

You cannot change the ways that others react - that is not in your control - you can only change the way that you react to them.

My dp surname is a rare irish surname although anglicised. I love it even though it is mispronounced and mispelled frequently. Its so much better than my surname.

Possibly, private :)

Perhaps it's just to offload my own irritation. Someone over the page nailed it by mentioning the small island syndrome: I unfortuantely get used to people treating my name as something unremarkable they are indifferent too and then it comes as a surprise if/when I change jobs or meet someone new and am treated strangely!

I'm not going to give the name away but will talk through something I had yesterday using the name 'Melissa' as the intonation and syllables are identical.

"My names Melissa."
"What? Meona?"
"Mel-liss-ah."
"Oh! Melona!" - puts on high pitched voice - "Mel- oh - nah! Well that is unusual isn't it!"
"Melissa."
"Ooh Melassa! right I've got it now! Melassa. Melassa, melassa, melassa. Right yeh! Isn't there a song about that?"
"I don't think so - it's mel issa though."
"Yeah yeah melassa. Like the song." (Starts singing Joanna from the Sweeney Todd musical but substituting Melassa. Introduces you to other people as Melasssa.)

That's one example and I promise my name is NOT difficult!