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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be irritated by my 6yo dd receiving a valentine gift at school today?

311 replies

ineverthoughtidsaythis · 13/02/2015 21:12

Handed to her today by a boy in her class. It slightly embarrassed and confused her and we just think she's far too young. Her excellent school has drummed into the kids that there are no boyfriends for some time yet and she's a great little girl who clearly feels that she can't chat to us about it because it's not quite right. Both me and dh are cross. Feel free to tell us to lighten up.

OP posts:
AngryBeaver · 14/02/2015 07:08

I agree with you! This bollocks comes from the parents, not the kids.
My then 4 year old, received a bunch of flowers from a boy at the first school disco (how ridiculous).
My 6 year old boy had a little girl home to play recently.
Her mother kept going on about how he was her boyfriend. I was really irritated.
They're friends fgs. Why do you have to do that?? That's adult stuff.
Let them be fucking 6 for a while?

Thankyoumrspatterson · 14/02/2015 07:10

I'm going against the grain OP and agree with you, I cringe when people talk about young children having "boyfriends and girlfriends". I don't care it's for fun, I think it's wrong.

YANBU

AngryBeaver · 14/02/2015 07:11

Just to add, I haven't read more than the op and the first few replies.
So possibly the op is a bit hardcore.
But in principle, I do agree that all the boyfriend/girlfriend stuff stems from their parents, and it's completely unnecessary.

claraschu · 14/02/2015 07:15

I agree with Beaver and Thankyou and I hate people talking about little kids having boyfriends and girlfriends. It is all coming from the parents and annoying and stupid.

However, lots of people enjoy Valentines day as celebrating friendship and love, not just romantic love. My kids sometimes made cards for friends and for me. It was and is lovely when they do this.

Mixtape · 14/02/2015 07:23

I would be convened about the school "drumming it into" pupils that there are no boyfriends Hmm as they are too young. This makes a big deal out of it and implies that there is something that you have to be "old enough" for in a relationship (which there is - but that doesn't need to be introduced to them now!) you / the school are projecting into very normal developmental behaviour.

Nerf · 14/02/2015 07:26

I hate it too. My mother encouraged my ds for some reason, picking flowers and letting him give them to some girl in class who'd given him something. I try to knock all that on the head and was fuming tbh. I hate the stupid boyfriend / girlfriend stuff. And Valentine's is still commercially about romantic love however people want to think of it.

AngryBeaver · 14/02/2015 07:27

My lovely lot, made cards for mummy and daddy and granny, who is visiting...that's fine. It's the boyfriend/girlfriend shite that they inflict on very small children that really annoys me! Let my child be FRIENDS with your child regardless of their sex.

nooka · 14/02/2015 07:33

I'm not very keen on the girlfriend/boyfriend stuff for little children either, but I don't think that there is any particular reason for the OP to be concerned, seems easy enough to handle to me. Have a chat to your dd about valentines day, ask her about the boy and reassure her that it really doesn't mean anything very much at all. Plus I do think it might be worth talking to the school and letting them know that the message they are 'drumming into the kids' is a bit ineffective/counterproductive if the outcome is that your dd is being teased and has got confused.

Then think about why she appears not to be able to talk to you about this. At six she should feel she can tell you anything, so it's important to understand why she feels she can't do so. It may be because you seem cross and she thinks that's her fault, or it might be that she has interpreted her school's message about 'no boyfriends' together with the boy's gift and thinks she has done something naughty.

Valentines has become very commercialised and so there is stuff about it everywhere, some geared at younger children, some children will want to join in.

NB we live in Canada now, where Valentines is something younger children all join in with as a friendship thing. Today in the supermarket dh and I saw a Darth Vader themed card set (these are packs of very small cards designed for primary age groups to give to their classmates) love from Darth Vader Grin so far away from romance really! I actually think it's quite nice like this, my children are teens now and it's all fairly irrelevant to them now even though romance is much more relevant at their ages.

Mehitabel6 · 14/02/2015 07:34

I spoke too soon- back to people lumbering children with adult interpretations and overthinking it.

GoldfishSpy · 14/02/2015 07:38

My DS loves a lot of the children in his small reception class. He gave a heart shaped lolly to a girl he 'loves' and had a card from a boy who 'loves' him. I thought it was v sweet :)

Mehitabel6 · 14/02/2015 07:47

It still makes me smile to think of my DS in the infants wanting to know if he could have our cat when he married his little friend! They were best friends for a while- I think the attraction was that they both liked playing pirates!

littlemonkeyface · 14/02/2015 07:50

Why can't people just see how innocent things are at that age?

When my 6 year old told me that he no longer wanted to marry me but his friend and have a baby with her it was not adult stuff but the result of them having role played what they call in Germany 'Vater Mutter Kind Spiel ' (father mother child game). Children aged 6 are still in kindergarten at that age and are actually encouraged to play such games as it is considered to be vital for their social development.

It is not the 6 year old child giving the card that is weird but the OP and the school who are reading adult stuff into children's innocent and natural behaviour. I wonder what they would say if they saw how 2-6 year old German kindergarten children play water games naked in the summer? Tbh I think that the UK has become quite a neurotic society when it comes to things like that in general.

MrsMook · 14/02/2015 07:50

My "boyfriends" at that stage were just the boys I was friends with. I did try to give them a peck on the cheek, the same as you do for grandma.

Later I progressed into the stage where you have minimal contact with the opposite sex. Then as a teenager began to have male friends again. These are well known development stages. I entered the world of proper relationships at 20.

Some valentines fun at 6 is just normal fun and no indication of future relationships.

pineappleshortbread · 14/02/2015 07:52

I hate valentines day I thinks it's a load of rubbish to get us to spend more money on Suit howevehowevery 2 year old did make me a card at nursery which was lovely.
To children it is innocent a more a sign of friendship.mY brother who's now 7 had 4 girlfriends last year but it meant nothing.

Anyway it could have been worse he could have gone back to the original traditions on valentines day and sacrificed a goat to a romantic goddess skinned it and hit all the girls with it then pulled a girls name out a tub stayed with her for the year a nd then married her. Surely that is worse than a small gift

Frusso · 14/02/2015 07:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 14/02/2015 07:55

I received one at this age with a bag of Haribo hearts. I was embarrassed but my family found it funny and still tease me to this day. The boy asked me out in year 6 and I said no. Your child isn't expected to marry this boy

MummyIsNotMyName · 14/02/2015 07:58

I think it is good that they are keeping the little ones safe. There's too much pressure to get a man, have sex and be a sex kitten these days. Sad

MummyIsNotMyName · 14/02/2015 07:58

See how ridiculous that sounds? It's a VALENTINE. It's not a condom.

MojaveWanderer123 · 14/02/2015 08:01

Since when is Valentine's Day just for adults?? Did I miss something?? My 11 year old son has just gone around the whole house and wished us all a happy Valentine's Day with a kiss. We don't see it as an adults only day. When I was a child (30 odd years ago) my parents didn't really bother with Valentine's Day as a couple as they had their wedding anniversary for that but as a family we celebrated our love for each other. I made cards for my mum & dad and my mum gave my brothers and I cards. At school there was a special Valentine's post box and cards were given out at the end of the day. I used to get stacks of cards and my dad used to tease me about how many boyfriends I had. Forming these heathy relationships young is good practice for when they are older. There's nothing sinister about it. There's nothing for you to worry about.
Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

MarvellousMaisiesMummy · 14/02/2015 08:04

I know you're mocking, but this is true.

RandomNPC · 14/02/2015 08:04

Is her name Lisa?

to be irritated by my 6yo dd receiving a valentine gift at school today?
millionsofpeaches · 14/02/2015 08:19

If she's so confused and needs to 'work it through' Hmm why can't you just explain it to her OP? Just say what pps have said that he probably just wants to be her friend and it doesn't mean he is her 'boyfriend'. I really don't understand the angst.

Fwiw Dd1 has 2 boyfriends (she referred to them as that herself with no input from me) who fight over who gets to play with her at nursery. When she made a card yesterday (she makes cards all the time so it wasn't actually anything special!) she made it for one of her female friends. Why not imo?!

Focusfocus · 14/02/2015 08:19

There must be a grip shop somewhere around where you live? Get yourself to it. Buy a few.

Mehitabel6 · 14/02/2015 08:20

Why would they get teased? Confused it is a perfectly normal stage.
It followed on from my DS insisting he wanted to marry me.

Charlotte3333 · 14/02/2015 08:25

My 9 year old asked if we could order some little valentines cupcakes, he spent his pocket money on them and is taking them round this morning. I think it's kind of cute. There's no seriousness to any of it; he's already pointed out she's just his best friend, not his girlfriend.

It's natural I think; I remember being at primary school and having boyfriends, my 4 year old came home from nursery and said he was going to marry K, his key worker the other day. It's just how they begin understanding friendships and love I think.