To feel we are all a little bit too obsessed with education and school?

[TheOddity]

I've seen threads recently about people remortgaging their house for private education, teachers publicly shamed in front of their peers for results beyond their control, people moving house to be nearer a good nursery, and on and on.
I recently moved to another country in Europe. I asked my new neighbour what the local nursery was like as that's where we intended to send our son. They said "it's very close and convenient". My spidey senses were tingling, did this mean it was a failing nursery? Next I go to the first parents' meeting. Not a word was spoken about targets, the curriculum etc. it was all about food and naps. In the end section for questions, the questions parents asked were about.....food and naps! He is there now for half a year, it's fine, And hopefully sometimes he is learning. There is one secondary school nearby so everyone goes there and again, it's fine. I am not overly worried my son will fail, because he is bright and I will help him.
I just think, are we all insane in the UK? Is it worth the stress? At the end of the day, if you are worried enough about them to remortgage your house, surely you could just do a bit of homework with them each night and it will all turn out ok? AIBU to think that school is all a bit out of proportion and life is pretty unpredictable unless your parents already own a fortune?

I dont think you can overly invest in your childrens education.

Sorry, Knitted, but that sentence made my skin crawl

I have a few regular meetings with parents who any sane and sensible person would identify as extremely over invested. From the mum who insists on 3 hours of homework a day to the other mum who insists we are picking on her boy as he is good at his sport and has to fit training in as well as his lessons (did I mention we are sports specialist college and I teach a lot of elite juniors, some of whom you will have seen on the telly recently?).

Both ends of the spectrum cause a great deal of harm to their kids, who occasionally are still quite nice creatures who would do well if they were just told to get on with it and then left to it!

Jimmy that was then though...if you're anything like my age, things have changed a lot for the better.

Similarly to Chrome100 Juniors was no great influence on my life it at all.

I agree with pictish, even in bad school, things are way better than they were in my poor, deprived comp in the 80s.

Museum mum I live in Scotland too and you are talking nonsense. Where I live the house prices are such in the catchment areas for the best schools that it is actually cheaper to send two kids to private school for their secondary school years than buy in these catchments. There is a collective website by solicitors who sell houses and buyers can conduct searches by school catchment area. In the part of Scotland I live in people pay for a good education whether their kids go to state or private schools. It is shit.

OP I went to a shit state school and I don't think you realise how bad they are. School is not just about grades. It is about being somewhere with aspiration and expectation. It is about being somewhere where being clever is not something to hide and be ashamed of. It is about being somewhere where other kids like learning and you can have class discussions, instead of the teachers giving up trying to control the class and just telling you to sit and read the next chapter in the text book each lesson. Bad schools suck and they rob children of opportunity.

I disagree. I think a minority put too much emphasis on education and not enough on other enriching things for children, but at the same time, there are a lot of people in this country that need to pull their fingers out and start caring a hell of a lot more about their children's education than you currently do.

I can't see how your anecdotes about food and naps are relevant to education. Early years education is important, but day care isn't the same as school.

People move to avoid their children going to failing schools because they are good parents, that don't want their children to get a sub standard education, or be surrounded by families that don't value education. If you're unlucky enough to be served by poor schools, then moving is absolutely the right thing to do, and until you have been faced with sending your child to a school where parents stand outside smoking and swearing and results are poor, it just sounds a bit smug to judge other people as insane for wanting better for their dc.

Totally agree with Ptolemy.

Bad schools suck and they rob children of opportunity.

^^This.

Local bad primary we avoided - others in area are ok to good - parents there complain that school trips are constantly cancelled as other parents refuse to contribute - they don't have the clubs on offer than other primaries in the area offer. It a less pleasant atmosphere - lots of low level bullying and victim blaming when it happens - I know few parent who moved their DC and it was like they had a new child.

We are in the catchment area of a really bad secondary - poor results over many years and low expectations, high staff turn over including heads - bullying really bad times to point victims school refuse and suffer physical assaults. I'm friend of parents who had that happen directly to their DC. Even academic DC pushed towards less academic exams - which long term hamper their career aspirations. They also don't tend to get involved in the additional stuff other secondary's seem to involve their pupils in.

I don't blame parents for avoid this school - we hope to - they try and improve it but it also seems to end back up in special measure.

Yes - you could spend money on tutors if they have a poor teacher in an area but that money and time that will then have to be spent on correcting the deficiencies of the school rather than other things.

School isn't every thing but the DC spend a large amount of time there and I want mine to be happy. To not be told being academic need to be hidden or something to be ashamed off - or that helping someone then means you'll be punched in the face and not up in hospital ( both reasons for bullying at secondary for DC whose parents I actually know)

If your in an area where school are only slightly different - or basically ok that very different and yes some people can get obsessive about minor stuff - but our educational system somehow isn't currently even playing field.

My D's found his last 2 years at school very boring and didn't feel he was learning much at all. He said to me that they were basically being taught to get good GCSE grades but not learning anything.

where parents stand outside smoking and swearing and results are poor, it just sounds a bit smug to judge other people as insane for wanting better for their dc.

^^ This too.

Honestly I've been around the poor school - even the other ok school at pick up time and the parents behaviour and language is unbelievable.

It shouldn't impact on education - and I do feel horribly judgey but I don't want my DC exposed to language where every second word is fuck - not at 4 and 5 or even 8-11.

YANBU. Education, and childrens' parties. I think some people just love to maintain ways to factor stress into their lives. We all want good for our DCs and the majority of us do our best, including sending them to the best schools we can. But there really has to be a stage at which you realise that they are individuals and you simply cannot micro-manage too much and aim to navigate their lives..you cannot guarantee a brilliant life outcome even if they went to a brilliant schoo, nor make the world all soft & bouncy for your DCs. & your DC is not you. Im all for guidance. But not in obsessive fashion

Education matters and there is a huge range of quality out there. I am currently in the market for a Year 7 place for my DD in Paris and applied to a shortlist of six schools after having researched a lot more. Getting up close to even 6 schools has been a huge eye opener - so many differences.

Absolutely DeeCee.

who occasionally are still quite nice creatures who would do well if they were just told to get on with it and then left to it!

Partly my point, left to get on with it, as I was, literally left.

Op is talking about schools, and quality and thinking about them, do we get a in a froth.

I am talking about putting child in easiest nearest school and handing over their education 100% to the school, totally trusting them and leaving them and the child too it.

As my parents did with me, to all our detriment

I suspect that a lot of people posting on MN are fortunate enough to live in decent areas served by decent schools, and so have the luxury of not having to worry about it too much, hence can call others obsessed if they move or whatever.

Obviously this won't apply to all, but I do believe that the kind of person who is interested enough to reply to a thread on education is probably educated themselves and most likely living in an ok area.

and the majority of us do our best, including sending them to the best schools we can

Yes but this is ops very point ^.

Moving to get near good schools, remortgaging home.

If you mistress have sent your DC to best school you can, op may think thats obsessive, unlike her, move to town and use nearest facility.

It depends. If you just want an 'ordinary' job for your children and an 'ordinary' life - well I'm not sure state education is up to the job really.

Private school seems to teach not examinations but a life skill. Can't explain it; I didn't go to private school.

As pp said, I think it does depend on where you live in the UK.

Me and DH are divided on this subject. I think if a child is smart and motivated, they will do well regardless of where they go. He believes average children fall through the cracks at a poor school.

My husband is very intelligent, went to a grammar and thrived. But he would have done well anywhere. I went to my catchment comprehensive at 13 which was quite rough. Every class was disrupted and most lessons we didn't learn much. BUT due to my parents always reading with me and caring about my learning, I did well. Plus I've realised that when you go to a school where 80% of the students have no ambition, teachers are DYING to give you extra help after class because they want to make a difference and feel they work in a school where they're not being heard!

Remortgaging to move somewhere with a better school is crazy IMO. Schools change all the time. Moving children about the place can be unsettling for them. Plus a longer school run impacts on family time and that is just as important.

Jimmy that was then though...if you're anything like my age, things have changed a lot for the better.

I hope so, my DD school is amazing compared to mine, they are far more hot on her learning. Already at 7 she knows more than me.

It's just the way parents of all children's ages responded to my question here on "how are the schools?". It wasn't a question they understood in the way I meant it. No ofsted scores, no reference to teaching performance. I asked several people and they all couched answers in terms of proximity and convenience to their houses! And then how good the dinner was, organic food etc. I AM concerned about son's education but their responses have made me really question if we in the UK have created this mess.

Son is in full time state education. Nursery starts at age 3 here and compulsory school starts later at 5 or 6.

I know exactly how you feel OP. We are also abroad, and my (academically bright) children attend the ordinary state school at the end of our road.
Over two thirds of the intake are classified as coming from economically deprived families. Nevertheless, it's a decent school - good enough, in any case. My teenager will get the top grade in her secondary school leaving certificate this year, and she has an unconditional offer of a place in the lycée (sixth form college) of her choice. We could have shopped around for a secondary with a more middle class intake but it would have made no difference at all.

Of course it would be completely different if our local school was a failing school - I do understand why parents might get a bit sharp-elbowed if their local school is really rubbish.

Maybe they trust the schools there, they are not full the brim, are consistently good?

if we in the UK have created this mess

Something gone wrong - ideally all schools should be at an ok/good standard in every area.

At same time, like other posters, my DC education is better than the education DH or I received at different primaries in the 1980s.