to move DD from her nice independent school where she has a scholarship because her brother didn't get offered one? (PART 2)

[middleschoolmuddle]

...just in case there is something else I need to hear.

I don't think you have specifically said what choices, have you?

Chances??

This thread is so funny, do we think OP is a Daily Mail reporter then?

Mine are at private school and their happiness varies wildly from day to day. Pretty much all to do with the vagaries of friendship. I suspect that would be the case wherever I had sent them.

I don't actually think that their chances have improved dramatically by sending them there but we haven't got a decent state alternative. We live in a grammar area and the secondary moderns are dire.

There are good (High Schools) "Secondary Modern Schools"out there don't be so dismissive madagascan ?.

Madaga, but you have sent yours private, maybe you have lots ££ to burn if you send private but don't believe its really adding value in some way?

Its the whole experience isn't it.

Life is so short, why deliberate put your child somewhere 'orrible, knowing they could be somewhere nicer - all round in every way?

Chances??

Keeping it simple, there is no debating that those from independent schools are over-represented in the best Unis (yes I know about the debate over state schooler's doing better in their degrees, but you've got to get there first).

I send my DD to an independent school thereby improving her chances of getting to a good Uni.

[Not that this is all about getting to the best Uni for me, it's about what these DC have that enables them to get there in the first place.]

However, it is much more nuanced than this as the previous thread will tell you.

So this is all about getting in to a good university?

[Not that this is all about getting to the best Uni for me, it's about what these DC have that enables them to get there in the first place.]

It's about what these DC have that enables them to get there in the first place.

So this mythical "something" can only be instilled by independent school?

Thanks for keeping it simple, op . I still don't quite understand I'll need the Idiots Guide, I think

Just catching up on early part of thread, and a while ago my ds1 saw Woman in Black in live theatre with school. He came back brimming with enthusiasm too. He now works in the theatre world. Of course he isn't a high earner (few people working in dramatic arts are) but he is very happy and fulfilled. He attended the local state school.

I don't know what you think youngsters do all day in state schools, OP. But there really is much more to a state education than blowing up condoms and throwing them at the teacher (just an example of some possible anti-social activity - I've not heard of this actually happening!).

I followed your other thread Op but didn't get to comment. I was interested as DP went to Independent School and I went to a good state school.

My DP is very very intelligent but despite being at independent school he didn't reach his full potential and could have done much better. Who knows if he would have done so at a different school. I think his issue was boredom with the curriculum, despite being a good school they didn't push him. He was distracted by his music lessons, sport and other activities and also his parents didn't really give a shit. I think they fell into the category of 'we've paid for it so our job is done'.

Anyway my point is that I think it isn't all about the school but also about parental support.

Also I have to ask...does the school have old navy connections?

I think op has explained she wants the whole package, the environment, the teaching, the extras and the chances of uni, her problem is how to get the others there and how to keep paying for this one.

A bright child, with focus and drive and lashings of parental support, even better if parents are educated will be able to forfill their dreams in a failing school (probably/hopefully), but why, why make them go to a school that doesn't suit them if you can help it?

Why put them through it?

So this mythical "something" can only be instilled by independent school?

Well no, but its known state schools are failing their brightest pupils, who really wants that extra worry if your child is bright and if they do want to go go tuni

"A bright child, with focus and drive and lashings of parental support, even better if parents are educated will be able to forfill their dreams in a failing school (probably/hopefully), but why, why make them go to a school that doesn't suit them if you can help it? Who is suggesting sending anyone to a failing school?

Who is suggesting sending anyone to a failing school?

I was using the example that even in a failing school, I am sure the above I mentioned would do well.

But why would anyone want to put their child into a school that didn't suit them, esp if they were invested in education and had choice.

Oh, I'm soooo happy this thread is continuing!

Right.

OP doesn't just want the full package. She wants to be able to boast that she sends her DD to private school and is desperately finding ways to ensure that she doesn't have to say that any of her kids go to state school.

The fact that her husband has no interest in the family finances is the reason why they are in such a financial pickle (if we are to believe this bit of drip feeding).

The reason we don't like Yacht Boy is because bragging about that sort of money is vulgar. The sad thing is that (if YB exists and actually says these things) OP is encouraging DD to take this information back to OP who obviously relishes the fact that DD is mixing with such rich people. The truth of the matter is that if YB's family really were that rich, he's be at Woodbridge School.

OP, please don't brag about your DD's school and school trips and extra curricular activities. Did it ever occur to you that the reason that they were all enthusing about the play is because it's bloody good?

I'd rather hoped this second thread wouldn't take off, but as you ask OP, if you are really not bothered by the idea that you might have to sell your house in order to find your children's education then I guess I'd say you were accepting that risk. Frankly I think as you are so obsessed with the school you should sell up and release any capital you hope to have gained (remembering that it doesn't exist until you do sell) sooner rather than later.

I think that the real reason you want your children at this school with many --fictitious- boastful children is that you hope that by hanging out with this moneyed set your dd has a chance of marrying someone rich. You certainly appear to be very impressed by children who talk about how much money they/their parents have. It all sounds rather grim to me.

If you end up not sending your son there he is going to feel like a very very poor relation compared to your dd, and you may want to put a stop to all of the boastful talk pretty quickly.

I think knitted has a point in that there is often no definitive answer as to why a parent wants private school for their.

Well f the alternative is poor then there is - but for those where the state alternative is fine, it's not so much why as why not.

We're all the sum of our experiences and environments . This is why we full our homes with things to please, comfort , stimulate us. We would survive perfectly well in a soviet style apartment.

It's why we expose our DC to certain experiences. We know it matters, even unconsciously.

Children spend seven/ eight hours a day in school ( term time). What happens there impacts on them far more than how many GCSEs they leave with. The environment and experiences if the pupils are every bit as formative as where we take then on holiday. How could they not be ?

So it's perfectly logical for a parent to want to access the most conducive environment as they perceive it.

For OP this is doubly tricky as she is giving it for one but not another and is able to compare directly.

Smokepole I know what the secondary moderns/high schools are like around me and yes they are dire.

Knitted I'm not saying that my DC's school isn't adding value, I certainly hope that it is, but what I was pointing out is that generally the concept of happiness from the DC's pov rests on their friendships and they can go awry whether you go privately or state.

Oh and we definitely don't have ££ to burn! That's why I like this thread, the OP's life runs a bit like mine.

I think this idea of cultural capital is very interesting. The problem is that people who have lots of it can pass it on to their children in the same way they can pass on actual capital. And it is very difficult to aquire if you don't inherit it. I think some people assume that the right school will automatically confer it, which is why they panic. And make mistakes, like the OP, in assuming that money = cultural capital.

But the inheriting of cultural capital, like the inheriting of actual capital is why the privileged remain privileged and aquire even more.

Hakluyt I think I know what you mean. I was from a working class family and got into a grammar school. I know they are not as expensive as independent schools but I recognised, after some years, that my friends and I had emerged with a 'polish', a finesse. I came away with a leap up the cultural ladder, if that makes sense, and it was of benefit in my later life. I could see it lacking in other people. Oh dear. That sounds snobby but I don't mean that those not as fortunate would make a good JK candidate.

My two DCs went to a local comprehensive and did well (it used to be a grammar school and had the same headmaster) but a lot of the way I live and speak brushed off on them. It was an advantage to them, too.

We're all the sum of our experiences and environments . This is why we full our homes with things to please, comfort , stimulate us. We would survive perfectly well in a soviet style apartment.

I think its really important to keep an open mind whatever your main view is.

I have a relative who grew up behind the iron curtain and I see its legacy in all she does. Frustrating for me most of the time but interesting to witness.

Your child is going to spend the majority of the day in a school, why not get them in the most pleasant you can?

I think some people assume that the right school will automatically confer it, which is why they panic.

But the right school will confer it and does and has

Its exactly that cultural capital that enabled grammar school pupils from 50's to break into the old boys network in London having gone to grammars set up like public schools.

I am sure things have changed now, but thats exactly what those schools did, leveled up the playing field to give them a shot.

I have met numerous successful people in London who did exactly that from deprived WC backgrounds.