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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU in wanting to leave because of his drinking and size?

129 replies

ConfusedInScotland2015 · 13/02/2015 00:03

It's taken me a long time to post this. I've been on here for years and tonight yet another incident happened in my home life that makes me wonder how much longer can I put up with it. I've NC as I'm too embarrassed to use my normal name.

My DH drinks, every bloody night. It's either 4 or 6 cans of Budweiser and a bottle of wine or the same 4 or 6 cans and half to thee quarters a bottle of vodka.

Yet again tonight I'm blamed for "starting an argument" as I asked him to go to bed (as he's getting argumentative).

There's many Issues I have and I'm so sorry if I offend anyone by saying my main issue is my DH is now 26 stone. I don't find him attractive and don't want to go on holiday with him. I'm mortified he can't fit into a normal plane seat without a seat belt extender let alone sit on a beach with him. He seems oblivious to the comments people make but they really embarrass me. I'm sick of going to restaurants with him only to find myself looking for tables in the corner to hide away.

We haven't has sex in two years as I can't bear the thought of his fat engulfing my 9 stone frame.

He was always big built but never 26 stone. He was normally 17 stone but at 6'5" that wasn't bad. Honestly I make very healthy meals and have encouraged him to try every healthy eating plan going.

In short, I'm sick of his drinking, I'm fed up of him being argumentative with a drink (most nights) and I'm so embarrassed by his size.

AIBU in considering leaving him?

OP posts:
BOFster · 13/02/2015 22:34

I really admire you for confronting this head on- I suspect that you'll end up far happier than you have been, and deservedly so. Good luck Thanks

BunnyLebowski · 13/02/2015 23:05

Oh well done OP!

I feel proud of you and I don't even know you. This is the first step to a better life for you and your DC. A life which doesn't involve you barricading yourself in a room. You've shown such strength.

Thanks Thanks and Brew .

BringMeTea · 14/02/2015 00:06

Really well done OP. Lots of luck for your happier future.

chubbleigh · 14/02/2015 01:06

Could have written ALL of this myself - 9 years ago. You say he won't acknowledge his problems, he does know, he knows he's out of control but instead of doing something about it, he puts it on you.

If the second half of the story is like mine, brace yourself. First will be the meltdown, then the period where is thinks you will come to your senses, then when he finally realised you mean it, he'll really let rip. It was almost worse than the bit before except, this is the good part, you don't live with him any more and you don't have to live that miserable life on his terms.

Sorry if that sounds pessimistic when you need a bit of support but what drove me is exactly what is driving you, you don't want your child to have that life, and you don't want it either.

I think you're strong enough, you sound like you are. The thing is, you have to go whilst you still have the strength to do it, if you stay you'll just ware away till it's not just him you don't recognise, you won't know who you are anymore either.

Good luck, and I really bloody mean that. Good luck and stay strong.

olgaga · 14/02/2015 01:19

What a patient and thoughtful person you are OP, all the best to you.

emotionsecho · 14/02/2015 01:42

Well done Confused, you sound much more positive in your update. I wish you all the best for the future, it will be brighter for you and your dd.

laughingmyarseoff · 14/02/2015 09:01

Good luck OP, I hope tuesday goes well for you. This feeling itself is very telling in regards to the relationship, you're doing the right thing moving on, for you and your DD.

championnibbler · 14/02/2015 10:13

Leave.
I would.

Original poster
ConfusedInScotland2015 · 10/04/2015 21:29

I thought I'd come on to update you all as you were so kind to respond to my initial post.

I left on 20th Feb and haven't looked back. I don't dare to look back as I can't believe what I put up with for so long. I've rented a lovely little 2 bed flat and am so happy. It's a weird sort of feeling, like being free but scared at the same time.

I know I have a lot to get through yet (I'm divorcing him) and it's only been a few weeks really since I left but I wanted to thank you all so much. The night I posted I was at the end of my tether and didn't know where to turn.

Flowers Wine and Cake for everyone that gave me the support I needed and making me feel not so alone x

OP posts:
SophieJo · 10/04/2015 21:40

Enjoy your new life. I am sure you will make the most of it.

Sickoffrozen · 10/04/2015 21:42

Well done. It takes guts to do what you have done!

What's been going on with him since you left? Has he carried on boozing and getting bigger?

Dawndonnaagain · 10/04/2015 21:42

Good luck op, pleased you are happy.
Flowers

Preminstreltension · 10/04/2015 21:42

confused I didn't see your original post but I just wanted to say well done for putting your future and your DD's future first. I'm sorry your DH went the route he went - but it seems that alcoholics can't be changed. Only they can change if they want to. You have done a brave thing and I wish you all the best.

SqueezyCheeseWeasel · 10/04/2015 21:43

Congratulations and best wishes for a bright future Flowers

FarFromAnyRoad · 10/04/2015 21:43

for you OP. Brave step you took there - wishing you the best of everything for the future.

HellKitty · 10/04/2015 21:48

Well done op!!!!

Been there too. With my ex it was whiskey mainly. When he realised I'd had enough I was pretty amazed that he seemed to have stopped drinking. He'd just secretly switched to vodka which he'd glug out of the bottle hidden behind the tumble drier.

Ratfinkandbobo · 10/04/2015 21:50

Well done and best luck for your future lifeFlowers

SocialMediaAddict · 10/04/2015 21:53

Well done. You sound fantastic.

TheoriginalLEM · 10/04/2015 21:54

If he carries on the way he is OP, you wont have to put up with him for much longer!

confusedandemployed · 10/04/2015 21:55

I've only just read your thread, but I'm so so pleased at your happy ending!! Truly this is fantastic news, well done OP and good luck in your exciting new life Flowers

TheoriginalLEM · 10/04/2015 21:56

achhh, didnt rtft - well done OP

Original poster
ConfusedInScotland2015 · 10/04/2015 22:05

From what I've heard he's drinking more as he can't cope. I changed my phone number when I left so he can't call me. He's been offered supervised contact with DD at a contact centre but has refused that. Stupid man.

OP posts:
HellKitty · 10/04/2015 22:07

Your life will now be fantastic. Honestly!

crimsonh · 10/04/2015 22:18

Well done!!!!

magimedi · 10/04/2015 22:19

Well done!

Enjoy life.