aibu to talk to my friend to tell her she has hurt me?

[sweetcheeks2014]

I am new to mn but have lurked for a month and would really appreciate some objective advice. Sorry in advance if I get lingo wrong and for length as trying to give info needed.

I met friend when we were both pregnant at parent craft class. Going to call her Mary here. Our dd's were born 2 months apart with my dd born first. My dh and I worked f/t and stock pilled nappies, stuff on hospital list while peg. Dd was huge so many of the clothes we bought were hardly or not worn and we also had packets of nappies too. Mary always talked about being broke and being grateful for stream of clothes she got from folk 2nd hand. She was also in a poorly paid job. I handed over the nappies to her and also a lot of clothes but I said dh and I wanted another child and so could she keep the clothes in the event I got pregnant again she agreed.

Fast forward a year and I was peg again. After dropping hints about needing to get ready for the baby at 7 months prg I asked her if she could return the clothes. She looked surprised at this but then said of course. However they were not handed over so after a few weeks had passed (having seen each other a few tines and no mention of them) I asked again. She said she was mortified but could not find them. Given she and moved house 3 times in this period I said not to worry these things happen with house moves etc. I did not think about it again and got organised for new arrival. Meantime she also got peg but lost the baby early and complications mean she cannot have more. V sad for her and we spent much time talking about it and I really feel for her.

For most part we get on well though I do find self trying to get off subject of how little money they have as it just goes on for hours. I feel for her but any suggestion etc I make job or savings wise makes no difference. She says she is disappointed ours dds sane size as I can't pass her clothes (I had a ds).

Anyway finally getting to point (thanks for reading so far). Mary knows I only use intranet in work for toys etc and am not on Fb or Gumtree etc. Friend was round last week and I told her I wanted to get 2nd hand balance bike for did so she took me onto this buy swap sell site and I had nosey around. Is a local site and there was a pic of a second hand bundle of clothes with all the clothes I gave her on it and a few more. It is her.

So I told my dh. We think either she did not want to give me the clothes back as she wanted another baby and needed them. Or she did loose them and then found them and decided to sell them. I feel that she should have given or at least offered to GIve me them back as they were on. Loan not given. Dh says to back off slowly from her as she has broken trust And not raise it with her as she will either deny it or turn it into how I am lucky I have more money than her etc. I feel life is short and why make enemies so let things go as much as possible but I don't care about the clothes now I feel she has lied to me and broken trust and I should raise it with her before backing off. What do u think I should do?Thanks

yanbu. its stealing end of. my friend loaned me a load of clothes for dd. she said she only wanted certain stuff back as her dgm had bought/ knitted them and had since passed away. I gave everything back to her including stuff that I had bought amd told her to sell what she didnt want to keep! it was easier than trying to sort through all of it and figure out who it belonged to!

oh and she is better off than me....both her and her dp work ft in decent paid jobs and im a single sahm on benefits so thats no excuse

I think Jennifer's message spelled it out very well indeed but I agree you don't want to send anything unless you want to pursue the argument and/or the 'friendship' (which it doesn't sound like it was, really - sadly)

You are entitled to process these events and get closure on them for your own peace of mind but once you have done that, you owe her nothing, and don't need to share your thoughts or conclusions with her in order to move on.

Besides which it only offers her the opportunity to be rude or unpleasant to you again, or disagree with your assessment of her behaviour, or lie/misrepresent a bit more.

So I vote leave it.

I was loaned some baby clothes once and was paranoid about taking care of them; actually my close friend loaned me her maternity clothes and I kept them all in the bag without removing them until I had the baby, then gave them back...I hope she wasn't offended, but I was so worried about ruining them.

I think that's a really wise decision, OP. There's no point trying to say anything - she would only attack in response, and she is not a friendship worth trying to save.

I'm sorry you've had to deal with this. It hurts when a friend treats you so badly.

Astonishing - both parties in the couple not working through choice, yet recently pregnant with child number five and expecting to fleece people here and there to solve their 'woes' while constantly moaning about their lot. They sound like people to get away from, theft or no theft.

Loaning ANYTHING is fine so long as the terms are genuinely clear. There is, as someone else already pointed out, no obligation to accept. I'm astonished that anyone here thinks it's in any way the OP's fault. Ridiculous.

Her behaviour was ridiculously disrespectful, and her character has been confirmed by the catalogue tantrum. If anything she should be tiptoeing around you, not having a go and trying to take the piss further. You are well rid - lose no sleep over this one.

She sounds the very definition of entitled!