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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am never going to be a granny.

131 replies

CameliousHumph · 11/02/2015 22:52

And I am actually. Quite upset about it.

D2. Let's be honest here. I can't imagine anyone. Actually choosing to live with her. I adore her but fucking hell, she is difficult (AS is a bastard).

D1, however, is NT. But just announced that due to the impending Oil War (in approximately 60 years) she won't be having children as it will be immoral to expect the next generation to deal with our mess..

Which means I won't get to be a granny and I am very upset about it.

OP posts:
QueenBean · 11/02/2015 23:10

Erm, it's almost as if it's their lives and their decisions as to whether they might have children!

Perhaps they missed the memo that the most important person in considering to bring a child in to the world is the grandmother. My god, there is enough pressure on some women these days to have babies at "the right time" without the grandma making it all about her

Maybe you'll be a grandma, maybe you won't. Suck it up, realise it's not about you and be more supportive to your daughters.

TheYellowCat · 11/02/2015 23:12

Loads of people with aspergers have a partner and children.

My DD says she going to marry a women and the women will have the babies as she doesn't fancy the whole pregnancy/birth/breastfeeding thing. I think she's onto something there Grin

TheGirlInTheGlass · 11/02/2015 23:13

OP- You haven't yet answered how old your girls are, will you share?

Original poster
CameliousHumph · 11/02/2015 23:13

I too am almost certainly on the spectrum. So I do know it isn't impossible.

I suppose I can still hope fir disasterous contraception failures (like what happened to me) . But maybe in 10 years or so. After D1 has discovered an acceptable renewable energy source.

OP posts:
Original poster
CameliousHumph · 11/02/2015 23:14

D1 18
D2 nearly 17

OP posts:
magimedi · 11/02/2015 23:15

Well, I thought I was never going to be a grandmother.

Lo & behold PGC is due this summer.

Never say never - but I SO understand your sadness.

And QueenBean - no need to be so harsh - OP is only posting her sadness here, with full anonimity.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 11/02/2015 23:15

Ah well, I might not be a granny either. I had my DDs in my late 30s. Had cancer last year, and have a feeling I won't be around to see any grandchildren. Obviously really hoping that I'm wrong.

magimedi · 11/02/2015 23:16

OP - they are far to young for you to start worrying.

MY DC will be nearly 34 when I become a granny.

Original poster
CameliousHumph · 11/02/2015 23:16

I know it's 'their choice' and stuff but I need to do my 10 year plan and start knitting.

OP posts:
wowfudge · 11/02/2015 23:16

They are just 17 and 18. Get a grip woman!

GiddyOnZackHunt · 11/02/2015 23:17

Oh my mum would definite have despaired when I was 18. It was late 30s that biology won.

Original poster
CameliousHumph · 11/02/2015 23:20

But what about my Plan?

OP posts:
NoArmaniNoPunani · 11/02/2015 23:20

I didn't want babies until 6 months ago. I'm 33

3boys3dogshelp · 11/02/2015 23:23

Haha, my parents admit now that they thought 'I didn't have a maternal bone in my body' and had resigned themselves to grandogs. They now have five grandkids and rarely get a day to themselves Wink

kippersmum · 11/02/2015 23:27

Never say it won't happen. I have an AS DD, I also have a gay male cousin & when he was tiny it was also impossible he would be happily married.

H & A had the most amazing wedding last summer. Not civil partnership, proper wedding :) :)

My DH has AS, I'm sure I do to, we have provided grandchildren.

Relax a bit & stop worrying & I'm sure you will find GC will happen

hesterton · 11/02/2015 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheGirlInTheGlass · 11/02/2015 23:29

Ok then OP, so realistically there's a chance they'll change their minds or meet someone with kids. If not, you can be as disappointed as you like, it's totally your prerogative.
You don't have a right to be a grandparent anymore that someone has a right to be a parent. But I totally agree that you don't have to like the situation, and are perfectly entitled to be frustrated/sad/disappointed/all of the above- just with the he situation, and not with them.

lauralouise8 · 11/02/2015 23:43

Never say never OP. My Mum had utterly given up on the pair of us and used to cry everytime her cronies produced another grandchild (some of them were up to 7), then in the space of three months me and my sister in law both produced beautiful unplanned girls. And my mother swans around Waitrose as the smugest granny you could ever imagine. Better late than never. Best of luck.

SASASI · 11/02/2015 23:46

Agree with girl in a glass.
We thought we wouldn't have children due to fertility issues but DS came along & was an absolute miracle.

Until then my MIL made me feel a complete failure. Actually, going on about no 2 which may never happen, she still does.

So yes be upset at the situation but not with your children.

NeedABumChange · 11/02/2015 23:56

Your plan? Even if they decide to have kids, they might not want them until they are in their thirties.

Also no one has to live with dd1 to get her pregnant, they just have to shag her.

NeedABumChange · 11/02/2015 23:57

*dd2 sorry.

Rooberoobe · 12/02/2015 00:18

Until I was 29 I was adamant no children ever. Not for me can't do it etc etc. by 30 I had my PFB. No contraception fail and very much planned.
I think my biological clock kicked in on my 29th and a month and half later I was pregnant. It can happen but get knitting now. I'm still waiting for a cardi my mum started nearly 2 years ago!

MajorasMask · 12/02/2015 00:20

I find this thread very sad. I won't be having kids and despite people saying "hey, good for you" to my face as soon as it's about grandkids it's different and "never say never" trotted out. I know my mum will be disappointed when I get to 40 without kids even though she wasn't maternal. I don't get it. I know you're sad, which is understandable I suppose but please don't put all this pressure on them. They have their own plans, make one of your own that doesn't involve them going through labour and parenthood for you! YABU.

thewreckofthehesperus · 12/02/2015 00:27

Ha my sister at age 18 was so anti baby I definitely didn't think she'd have any of her own. Roll on 15 years and she's a mother of four beautiful kids. I think you've a while before you need to start worrying Grin

MajorasMask · 12/02/2015 00:30

Also I find it incredibly offensive that you wish contraceptive failure on them, however lighthearted. Your DD1 is making a sensible environmental and personal decision and a future unwanted pregnancy could be devastating. That is cruel no matter how "robbed" of grandchildren you feel.