MIL locking kids bedroom door at sleepovers

[Lima1]

My kids are due to stay at PIL one night this weekend. They stay about 3/4 times a year and look forward to it. I was telling DS1 about it this evening and it came up in conversation that MIL locks them into their bedroom (all three in one room) at night in case they sleepwalk and fall down the stairs. DS1 is 5 so I took it with a pinch of salt as I thought maybe she just pretended she was doing it to stop them coming out of the room. I asked DD (7) later and she told me the same, she says she hears the key turning in the lock and if she needs to go to the bathroom she calls MIL to come up and heard the lock opening. I will ask MIL in a nice way if she does this as she may be only pretending. But DD says she hears the lock turning and I don't see why she would give the excuse of possible sleep walking unless she was really locking them in. Aibu to be furious about this? Their room is upstairs in a dormer while PIL's bedroom is downstairs. I would be so worried if there was a fire and the kids couldn't get out or any number of emergencies.

Not EVERY week!!

I have read all the thread and your posts Op, and I think you would be incredibly irresponsible to ever allow your children to stay there again. Furthermore, If I were a friend of yours and knew this could be happening on a night you were out I would be taking it further with the authorities. You want a night out, we all understand that, but you simply cant leave the children with these people, if all you have said is true, and who knows what other things they have done? then I would blame you and your husband as much as them should the worst happen.

When you drop them off - IF you are still going to do it - can you go up to the room under the guise of dropping the bags off and removing the key and taking it with you? and leave a cheap PAYG phone with the eldest so she can call you if something happens

i just wouldn't do it... simple...

Why would you consider discussing it with them? Just stop the visits,stay at home & if they ask,bloody tell them!

OMG @ the wooden spoon bit!

The problem with the wooden spoon is that the DCs may be scared of calling anyone even if there is a problem or a danger.

this. With bloody bells on!

OP, i hope you're still reading. Forget ever leaving your kids alone with this pair. A someone up-thread said there's no need for overnighters for kids to have a relationship with their GPs. I speak from experience. A day visit every couple of weeks is quite enough and more than the GPs deserve in this instance IMO

Your updates are shocking.

Do you know what? You would be doing everyone a favour by cutting contact. Including your DH.

No you can't let them go there again, full stop, because as you've said they won't listen to a word you say.

They not only frighten your children, but put them in danger.

They aren't good grandparents, and frankly I'd be more worried about the effect of presenting people like this to your children as family members to love and trust. What's the end point of that? Tiny minds trying to make sense of 'Granny shouts/locks me in/tells me she will come up with a spoon if I'm afraid or sick and I call for her. But Mummy says they are my Granny and Grandad who I should love, and they love me. Ok, that's what love is, it's not always about being there for me, sometimes love is about frightening me and leaving me alone. Ok, good lesson there.'

You really really would be better served by a. hitting the roof, and b. never letting them stay there again, better still, finding other babysitters full stop.

This is why my mother doesn't have dc's overnight, she doesn't have the same care, morals or safety understanding as other people her age.

She has had them before and stuff has come out afterwards that I'm not happy about. Thus she doesn't have them despite offering, I just avoid the question when it comes up.

It's odder still that she tells the kids that's what she's doing? Why would she do that? Is this whole thing just based on your dd thinking she hears a key turning? Make sure you've got the story right before bearding your mil in her den, fgs.

I have a feeling that it might not be legal. When I was a carer we had a lady with dementia who was inclined to sometimes go out during the night in her night clothes. Despite the danger involved in that we were not allowed to lock her in the house.

That aside, your poor little boy, what if he needed the toilet and he was too scared to call MIL? That is bullying. No way would I let someone like that look after my DC.

I would ask them if it is true they DC's have been locked in...if they admit it and even if they say they wont do it again, they would be no way on earth of them EVER be left in charge of my DC's again.If this means never going out, so be it

I dont care if that sounds dramatic but anyone who thought it a good idea to lock my DC's in, would not be deemed a capable person

YANBU I would be fuming. You cannot lock kids in their bedroom at night. What if something happened?!

Just to update myself and dh have had a talk and I have decided they are not being minded by them anymore, I just can't trust them and the thoughts of ds1 being worried to ask to go up the toilet is too much. DH thinks I'm over reacting, he is trying to justify what they did but had also admitted he would never do it and accepted if he did that the kids parents would go nuts about it. I have told him I have lost any trust in them and he has accepted that and has accepted they won't mind them again. I have also decided that because her attitude is one of "my house my rules" and this means she thinks she can do what she likes, that from now on if they want to see the kids they must visit them in our house. DH is again not happy but I told him that's how it will be. I am annoyed with him that he isn't taking this as seriously as it should, he thinks my vision is clouded cos I hate mil, but once he goes along with my requests (demands) I'm leaving it at that. He is going to ring her and tell her what's happening and why and I have allowed him do it on the condition he makes it clear I'm very angry and I don't trust them. We will see what happens then.

Good on you op for standing your ground, and doing what is right. Your dh thinks your overreacting, as for him, this is normal. And tell him it would be the same if your parents did that.

Good decision, I am glad that you have made a stand. but, go easy on your DH. He has had years of her conditioning, you said yourself that he is frightened of her. The idea of actually saying "No" to her and even worse "you are wrong" will be terrifying for him.

Maybe when the dust has settled a bit from this you could suggest he looks into some talking therapy to help him deal with this fear.

DH is again not happy but I told him that's how it will be. I am annoyed with him that he isn't taking this as seriously as it should, he thinks my vision is clouded cos I hate mil, but once he goes along with my requests (demands) I'm leaving it at that. He is going to ring her and tell her what's happening and why and I have allowed him do it on the condition he makes it clear I'm very angry and I don't trust them. We will see what happens then.

So basically your husband is rolling over and refusing to confront the other strong woman in his life. ie YOU.
Don't get me wrong - you are completely in the right in what you are doing but I would personally be having that conversation myself and not allowing my spineless husband to present your decision as one made with "clouded vision". Fuxk that for a game of soldiers. I would lay odds that he will apologise to his mother.

Sounds like you cant trust your Dh to have his DC's best interest at heart either.

How he is not spitting feathers his children have (allegedly) been locked in and in fear of asking for the toilet......I dont know

You have done the right thing by your kids, and that's what really matters. I've been in a similar situation with my PsIL and although DH wasn't very happy about it, he accepted that I would never leave my kids with them, ever. It's been difficult on a handful of occasions over the years, but far, far less aggravation than the consequences of letting them sit the kids and do God knows what.

I don't agree, but neither do I understand the hysteria. A baby or toddler in their own room in a cot would also be unable to get out if the room on their own if their was a fire.

Soon

Two of the OP's children a 5 and 7 yo so clearly not in cots and should be old enough to decide if they need the loo in the middle of the night.

Apart from anything else one of the dangers if locking the children in us that it makes it harder to get them out in the event of a fire when every second might count.

Finally Soon how would you liked to be locked in your room at night and threatened with a stick (by someone bigger an in a position of power) if you call out?

I said I don't agree, I was just pointing out the fire risk is exactly the same with a toddler in a cot which all parents do.

Missed the bit about the stick!

Was about to tell you that YABVU for even letting them mind your children, then I saw your update.

You are doing the right thing. MIL hates you, her own son is shit scared of her, you don't trust her and thinks she would carry on despite you asking not to do it, she let your baby sleep face down on a folded up quilt, they lock your children in a room at night and she has alledgedly/'jokingly' threatened them with a wooden spoon!

If you ever waver or your DH let's them talk him around, read that list out loud. They wouldn't be coming anywhere near my children. I'd rather never have a night out again then trust them.

Did she lock your DH and his siblings in at night?

In any case, a locked door makes access more difficult for rescuers, even if a baby is in a cot.

Good decision OP