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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL locking kids bedroom door at sleepovers

159 replies

Lima1 · 10/02/2015 19:54

My kids are due to stay at PIL one night this weekend. They stay about 3/4 times a year and look forward to it. I was telling DS1 about it this evening and it came up in conversation that MIL locks them into their bedroom (all three in one room) at night in case they sleepwalk and fall down the stairs. DS1 is 5 so I took it with a pinch of salt as I thought maybe she just pretended she was doing it to stop them coming out of the room. I asked DD (7) later and she told me the same, she says she hears the key turning in the lock and if she needs to go to the bathroom she calls MIL to come up and heard the lock opening. I will ask MIL in a nice way if she does this as she may be only pretending. But DD says she hears the lock turning and I don't see why she would give the excuse of possible sleep walking unless she was really locking them in. Aibu to be furious about this? Their room is upstairs in a dormer while PIL's bedroom is downstairs. I would be so worried if there was a fire and the kids couldn't get out or any number of emergencies.

OP posts:
CuddlesfromChickens · 10/02/2015 20:18

They would not be having my children overnight again. Locking the children in indicates such a lack of understanding with regards to safety that I wouldn't be able to trust them.

pommedeterre · 10/02/2015 20:18

No fucking way.

Disgraceful.

And your dh is a dick as well tbh.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/02/2015 20:19

I echo what others are saying. Before you send them, please find out from your PIL if this is true. If it is, I would never allow them to stay overnight again. It is dangerous and what if the kids need the toilet. Its horrible. If they are worried about sleepwalking, why not put a stairgate on the stairs.

ImperialBlether · 10/02/2015 20:19

The thing is that they hate you and your husband's scared of them - I don't know why you let your children go there anyway.

WillBeatFebruaryBlues · 10/02/2015 20:20

YES RE dh being scared of them.

I was accidental locked in somewhere when I was staying with a relative, luckily it was bungalow and I climbed out window. I was not happy it was a horrid feeling, aside from all fire issues the actual psychological issues of the children is something else to bear in mind.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/02/2015 20:21

No no if your dh does not bring that up with them, you sure hell should. I would not be happy with that at all. They are your kids, not theirs.

whothehellknows · 10/02/2015 20:21

If your DH is shitting himself over asking them about it and you think she'll defy you anyway...

Why are they looking after your kids?

fluffyraggies · 10/02/2015 20:21

No.

And to hell with them 'hitting the roof' or being scary loons. Your children are your responsibility and they need you to do what's best. Have them look after the kids at your home from now on.

If they make a fuss - make a bigger one. (and never ask them again)

ClaudetteWyms · 10/02/2015 20:22

After your last post OP why on earth do you even allow your children to stay there? They put a baby to sleep face down on a folded up duvet, MIL hates you, DH is scared of them? They sound really awful.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/02/2015 20:23

This just sends shivers up my spine, 3 children locked in a room for the night. What if there was a fire? What if they cannot find the key? what if the fire is upstairs and the grandparents are confronted by a wall of fire. As well as it being an unpleasent experience for the child, being locked in.

fluffyraggies · 10/02/2015 20:24

Really OP, if it gives you inner strength imagine some stranger wanting to lock your kids in a room all night. You'd go bloody mental. Why accept it from anyone else?

ILovePud · 10/02/2015 20:25

That situation sounds horrendous, obviously it's not ok to lock children in a bedroom but your second post suggests this is not an isolated problem. You say they hate you, that your DH is scared of them and that you think they'd ignore your wishes just to defy you. Seriously I'd be questioning why you are letting them look after your DC, they may well kick off but so what? You're primary responsibility is to your kids, think how you'd feel if something happened to them.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/02/2015 20:25

Fire can happen, you cannot say it won't. You will not live with yourself, if anything happened to them. I have an image of the Philpotte case whereby he locked his children in the house and started a fire. He lost 5 of them.

Original poster
Lima1 · 10/02/2015 20:25

Oh DH will say it but he will be dreading it cos they are the type to hit the roof. I'm sort of inclined to say it myself and tell her I need assurances it will never happen again, but I'm risking her never minding them again. Or do I say nothing and get them to mind them in our house so it can't happen again. While I'm inclined to hit the roof they are our only babysitters and if they are gone then pretty much we don't get anymore nights out which are few and far between as it is.

OP posts:
Iggly · 10/02/2015 20:27

Well what's more important. The risk of your kids being locked in during a fire or having babysitters?
You could set up a babysitting club with friends from school?

ILovePud · 10/02/2015 20:28

Make friends with people who will reciprocate babysitting or pay for a babysitter, it's not worth it having to placate them and put the kids at risk for the odd night out.

lovesleep2 · 10/02/2015 20:30

But what is more important to you? A few nights out or your childrens safety?

I don't often comment but this is truely awful. Anything could happen and tbh, your in laws don't sound like they have your childrens best interests at heart here.

Time to bite the bullet and tell them straight I'm afraid!

Original poster
Lima1 · 10/02/2015 20:30

I was trying to separate them hating me from their relationship with our kids iykwim. DH is scared of them because they overreact, I suppose neither of those issues I felt were such as that they shouldn't mind the kids overnight. The duvet thing bothered me a lot but it was only one thing, now with the possibility they are bring locked in is the second issue regarding their ability to mind them and I am feeling they shouldn't do it.

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 10/02/2015 20:30

Join a babysitting club, ask a friend, save up and pay a responsible teenager - just find another option.

DartmoorDoughnut · 10/02/2015 20:30

I'd have less nights out and pay for a babysitter

ClaudetteWyms · 10/02/2015 20:30

I'd rather stay in than risk my kids being taken ill/having an accident in a locked room Sad

anothernumberone · 10/02/2015 20:33

I would ask them to mind them in your house this time. Take all the keys with and literally never ask them to mind them overnight again. She is outrageously irresponsible even though the risk of fire is pretty tiny the risk of them taking up sleepwalking in her house is about the same.

Fluffycloudland77 · 10/02/2015 20:34

I think the risk of a fire killing my kids would put me off going out.

Seriously, is that really what you're intimating there?.

Woman up. They can't stop this but you can.

Original poster
Lima1 · 10/02/2015 20:35

Now that I know their safety is at risk I definitely wouldn't let them mind our kids in their house with assurances they wouldn't do it again but I'm not sure I can trust them so my options are to have them minded here or not at all. Of course a night out isn't more important but are they at risk in our house?
I don't know many people where I live but have just met 2 who live in my estate, could definitely be a possibility to start a babysitting club.

OP posts:
HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 10/02/2015 20:36

How could you even enjoy yourself on a night out knowing your kids were locked in a bedroom? You couldn't. You'd just be miserable all night, worried about them.

It's not worth it.