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AIBU?

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Original poster

...to ask MN-ers NOT to join in this glorification of domestic abuse? (contains spoilers)

999 replies

Floundering · 10/02/2015 09:13

Fifty Shades of Shite

Can't believe the naivety and abuse deniers on here and amongst my friends.

DV campaigners such as Womens Aid & National Centre for Domestic Violence are urging people not to see this film.

It is not "just a piece of fun" it normalises abusive, controlling relationships as sexy, and it really bothers me so many women are colluding in supporting such crap that could hurt other more vulnerable women.

The BDSM community are frothing too as if done properly between 2 consenting adults with lots of planning, mutual respect and lots of affection and downtime after it can, for some, apparently be mindblowing. ( doesn't lift my skirt but respect those who do enjoy) this is not portrayed safely in this film.

...to ask MN-ers NOT to join in this glorification of domestic abuse? (contains spoilers)
OP posts:
Bettybodybooboo · 11/02/2015 20:26

flora you mentioned feminism and carry on maintaining thousands of years of male domination

You don't approve of the fantasies that some posters have stated they have as you see it as un feminist.

At last you are telling the truth instead of pissing around telling other people they are being raped or feeling sorry for their husbands who are being coerced.

If you had had the guts to state that upfront that would be fine but you didn't.

Your view is perfectly valid but in my opinion equality is about any body bring allowed to have any fantasy and acting on it with a consenting adult. With reference to the norms of their society and the law.

No this has nothing to do with feminism as I see it and as others here see it. Feminism is about freedom to believe and do what a woman wants.

Not what youthink they want.

Hamiltoes · 11/02/2015 20:28

But as it turns out, Hamiltoes thinks canibalism is okay so presumably she thinks chopping legs off is fine and dandy as well.

Still not getting my point. I don't walk around encouraging others to cannabalise ffs and I don't think chopping legs off is fine and dandy.. I just don't see a "crime" where no one involved cares about it being and a crime, no one involved sees it as a crime being committed, and no one who does not want to be involved is involved in any way

I don't know why one persons desire is to be eaten and the other is to eat them. I don't know if anyone does, I'm not a physiologist. I just know that it exists. And I'm ok with that. It doesn't scare me in any way because I know I'd never consent and if everyone followed the rules no one would try to eat anyone who doesn't consent.

The reason situations such as that has to be seen as a crime, which I accept, is so that no one can ever use "well they asked me to" in a courtroom.

If a courtroom isn't involved then I don't see how anyone else is qualified to judge wether a crime was committed other than those involved.

But since i'm not a cannibal I dont really care and will let them defend themselves now.

I enjoy being raped from my husband. I realise some people may see a crime committed here. I'll never take him to court or have him prosecuted, so doesn't really matter to you at the end of the day does it?

Bettybodybooboo · 11/02/2015 20:28

Rufus some people on here most definatly have strong views in what is right or wrong in the bedroom.

Rtft.

Bettybodybooboo · 11/02/2015 20:29

I agree it's a circle now though and am bored so carry on.

FloraFox · 11/02/2015 20:30

WannaBe I don't think people should be ashamed for wanting to be raped, beaten or whipped but I do think people should be ashamed for wanting to rape, beat or whip someone else. Unfortunately a lot of this thread has been discussing the perspective of the person on the receiving end, probably because they are on the thread. I would generally prefer to talk about the motivations of the person doing the beating, raping or whipping. I don't see that behaviour as positive in any way whatsoever.

There is a misguided belief that feminism wants all women to be a certain way that is your misguided belief, I do not want all women to be a certain way.

There are different types of feminism and some do believe that anything goes as long as there are choices. I prefer the liberation type of feminism - liberation from male domination and oppression. You don't get there by internalising dominance structures that have been imposed on women by men for hundreds or thousand of years. That's not progress. Men should also be free from toxic masculinity but taking on a submissive role isn't that.

pineappleshortbread · 11/02/2015 20:30

We are circling but I won't be told it's anti feminist to want something

Hamiltoes · 11/02/2015 20:30

And Flora please don't use my post as an example of what Betty and Pineapple deem as "the voice of reason"... i dont think either of them agree with me on this and theres been a few points they have made that i don't agree with... You seem to have labelled us as if we're some sort of club HmmConfused

pineappleshortbread · 11/02/2015 20:32

Hey each to their own I spend a lot of time in control in my general life and enjoy to relinquish that control as well as enjoying the pain. My personal preferences aren't going to damage society or enforce domination beliefs in everyday life sorry but no link

FloraFox · 11/02/2015 20:34

Betty you are deluded. One of my first posts was about the feminist aspects of BDSM.

pineappleshortbread · 11/02/2015 20:36

Bdsm is probably feminism in a way as it let's women take some power or do and demand what they want If it wasn't a valid choice for women to enjoy it then that is trying to oppress women into a set box of right and wrong sexual practices and a dangerous line to tread

Hamiltoes · 11/02/2015 20:38

And another point where I don't agree with pineapple... I don't engage in BDSM because I'm a feminist, I engage to escape from it.

Yep thats right Grin I'm a successful educated woman who works in a mans job, and I use BDSM to escape from feminism because part of my fantasy is that i'm not a woman in the 21st century.

How do you all like that one?! Hmm

RufusTheReindeer · 11/02/2015 20:38

betty

I have read every single post on this thread

You on the other hand are completely unable to comprehend

I said MOST people do not give a shiny shit....

See how the English language works...clever isn't it

WannaBe · 11/02/2015 20:39

flora, I don't think that people should be ashamed for wanting to be raped either, but like you I do think that people should feel ashamed for wanting to rape. And I also think people should feel ashamed for saying that wanting to rape is ok. There are posters on this thread who have stated that they have no issue with the fact some men might fantacise about raping women, or that they may fantacise about abusing children. Just as long as those fantacies aren't played out in reality this is ok - it isn't.

I suspect the notion of wanting to be raped is entirely different to the fantacy of wanting to rape. Some on this thread have suggested that they enjoy being forced in the initial stages and that this is what turns them on. However it's not rape in the sense of the word because they state they are actually in control and could stop it at any time. This is not the same as actual rape where the rapist is in full control.

I suspect however that the rapist fantacist has a far more sinister fantacy in mind, one where the rape victim isn't in control what so ever, and this is where fantacy enters into the realms of disturbing, even if it is not lived out in reality.

pineappleshortbread · 11/02/2015 20:39

I don't do for feminism either I do simply because I enjoy it and why shouldn't I do what I enjoy with my consenting husband

FloraFox · 11/02/2015 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Hamiltoes · 11/02/2015 20:42

Isn't feminism about an equality across the seexes so that women can be equal to men strong dominant and workers + everything else you described in your post.

I think thats gender equality pineapple. From what I've read on MN your a sympathiser if you want men and women to be equal. Feminism is about conforming to who ever they take their stances from ideals. You can't like porn and be a feminist. Or page 3 apparently Hmm

pineappleshortbread · 11/02/2015 20:42

Now you have clearly called.some people's husbands rapists. Of course because everyone who practices rape fantasies will actually go a rape someone because they can't tell the difference. What a ridiculous argument.

BeyondDoesBootcamp · 11/02/2015 20:43

Isnt this bonkers thread full yet?

pineappleshortbread · 11/02/2015 20:44

I liked page 3 and enjoy porn those involved in producing that chose to do it and that's their right

FloraFox · 11/02/2015 20:45

pineapple Bdsm is probably feminism in a way Play-acting male domination over women is so feminist.

Hamiltoes I use BDSM to escape from feminism because part of my fantasy is that i'm not a woman in the 21st century. Yup, no internalisation of the eroticisation of female submission there then.

pineappleshortbread · 11/02/2015 20:47

It is not anti feminist to do what you want it is anti feminist to tell women how to behave as very active and feel

FloraFox · 11/02/2015 20:47

pineapple you must have missed the post above where I have already called slice's H a rapist because that's what she described. Hamiltoes says she likes being raped by her H. A person who rapes is called a..... rapist. Do join the dots.

TheOneRing · 11/02/2015 20:48

FLORA I am a man who's wife likes me to dominate her and I am fine with that. She started to bring bdsm into the bed.

I don't go to work and think that I'm going to spank my manager because my wife likes it. Your being silly to think that I can't tell the difference between bedroom and outside!

pineappleshortbread · 11/02/2015 20:48

Doesn't mean they will actually rape women and it isnt rape when both hamiltoes and sliced have asked for this practice

Hamiltoes · 11/02/2015 20:50

Hamiltoes says she likes being raped by her H.

Yes Flora notice the key word LIKES there. Your really not getting it and with that I'm definitely OUT.