...to ask MN-ers NOT to join in this glorification of domestic abuse? (contains spoilers)

[Floundering]

Fifty Shades of Shite

Can't believe the naivety and abuse deniers on here and amongst my friends.

DV campaigners such as Womens Aid & National Centre for Domestic Violence are urging people not to see this film.

It is not "just a piece of fun" it normalises abusive, controlling relationships as sexy, and it really bothers me so many women are colluding in supporting such crap that could hurt other more vulnerable women.

The BDSM community are frothing too as if done properly between 2 consenting adults with lots of planning, mutual respect and lots of affection and downtime after it can, for some, apparently be mindblowing. ( doesn't lift my skirt but respect those who do enjoy) this is not portrayed safely in this film.

No Maryz you actually said that a woman who says it's ok to have rape fantasies makes it easier for rape apologists.

Few pages back.

I challenged you then as to me that's very dangerous territory.

Women can fantasise about whatever she likes. She can admit to bring turned on by a rape fantasy but that doesn't in any way mean she wants to he raped in RL.

Your argument does indeed remind me of the short skirt apologist scenario. On my phone so can't scroll back quickly but will look to your exact words.

As for loosing the argument there isn't one.

We don't ban films and books in this country on a whim. Thank god for that.

A few of you are determined to read this entire thread as anti-BDSM. Instead of what it is, which is raising the issue that the relationship in FSOG isn't BDSM, it's abuse.

And I for one have argued throughout the thread that FSOG isn't BDSM, its abuse.

And that whats wrong with the book is the marketing. Thats all.

I like BDSM books. I like books which have rape and abuse as the main theme. I don't like books which have rape and abuse as the main theme and dress it up as star crossed lovers embracing BDSM. Because its not, clearly.

I think people are defending BDSM because quite a few pages ago now, there were a few posters who did see FSOG as BDSM and started to pick certain people apart for what they fantasied about in their own heads. Which is wrong, and needed to be defended.

Betty you think what Maryz has said is dangerous after you said this:

Think if you need a safe word you are probably playing with the wrong partner.

Deluded.

Hamiltoes

I think people are defending BDSM because quite a few pages ago now, there were a few posters who did see FSOG as BDSM and started to pick certain people apart for what they fantasied about in their own heads. Which is wrong, and needed to be defended.

That's bullshit.

But I'm loving the fact that defenders of flogging and rape games are suddenly defenders of precious freedoms and anyone questioning the flogging and rape games are mean oppressors.

Keep on keeping on, good soldiers of patriarchy.

I like BDSM books. I like books which have rape and abuse as the main theme. I don't like books which have rape and abuse as the main theme and dress it up as star crossed lovers embracing BDSM. Because its not, clearly.

I think people are defending BDSM because quite a few pages ago now, there were a few posters who did see FSOG as BDSM and started to pick certain people apart for what they fantasied about in their own heaD

^
This.

There were people criticising thoughts and fantasies that others have so yes there is a freedom to independent thought to protwctt

There isn't anything wrong with fantasising about killing someone majority of people will have done it at some point

Yes, but it was off topic here - someone said something like "youre all sick, bdsm is like incest" and people kept defending themselves and it spiralled even more off topic for about ten pages!

Why are people who dont get a lot of peoples issue with this film/book so determined to take the discussion off topic?

Whether you or I are into bdsm, dogging or asexual is irrelevant.

The thread is about the problem with an abusive relationship being promoted (and taken in by some women) as a romantic bdsm introduction

pineapple it might be a coping strategy for you to deal with feelings of shame you have previously felt but I certainly don't agree that there is nothing wrong with fantasising about killing people. Don't get your knickers in a twist, though, I don't want to ban your thoughts and I'm not trying to make them feel ashamed of their feelings but if thoughts of killing someone go beyond a fleeting or passing expression of annoyance or even hatred, that is wrong and people should be concerned about their own mental wellbeing. They certainly shouldn't be comforted by people on the internet with precious orgasms to protect into thinking it's alright to indulge in murderous fantasies.

someone said something like "youre all sick, bdsm is like incest"

No-one said that. Banging your head on the wall is clearly damaging your cognitive abilities.

I understand people's issues I just disagree

Possibly missing the point here but I find the phrase "BDSM community" really irritating. Why does every bloody thing have to have a community these days? Why can't they just get on with whatever it is they do in private?

Rant over. As you were.

The thoughts and fantasies people were criticising were things like child abuse and murder, though.

See this is exactly what I'm talking about. Who the hell are you to criticise what someone else thinks in their own head? Murder and Rape are wrong by todays standards in every way, but you don't have to go too far back in history and you'll find these two things weren't wrong, it was survival of the fittest and who cares who you killed or raped along the way.

So of course in the 21st Centuary we've all evolved morally enough to know this is against the law, and we'd never do it but people should have every right to fantasise about it if they want to.

Do you not think if more people could be open about such fantasies, and get help for it if they wanted it, it might stop even just one or two crimes being committed by those who choose to take that fantasy into reality? Wouldn't that be worth it?

And i'm not a bloody murder apologist or rape apologist or anything else like that before you all start. I'm a realist and have come to terms with the fact we're not all the same.

Think if you need a safe word you are probably playing with the wrong partner.
Which shows a complete lack of understanding of the use of a safe word!
Part of the role play involved in BDSM, is likely to involve the sub saying no. That doesn't mean no I want you to stop, it is part of the role play.
In order to make it safe and clear that the sub wants the action to go no further or stop, they agree other safe words (not no).
Ana didn't have a safe word. Christian wasn't really interested in her wishes and needs, when she objected, he ignored her (how romantic)

FSOG does not portray BDSM, it portrays abuse.

House thanks for saying what I was thinking in my last, last, post with such clarity.