...to ask MN-ers NOT to join in this glorification of domestic abuse? (contains spoilers)

[Floundering]

Fifty Shades of Shite

Can't believe the naivety and abuse deniers on here and amongst my friends.

DV campaigners such as Womens Aid & National Centre for Domestic Violence are urging people not to see this film.

It is not "just a piece of fun" it normalises abusive, controlling relationships as sexy, and it really bothers me so many women are colluding in supporting such crap that could hurt other more vulnerable women.

The BDSM community are frothing too as if done properly between 2 consenting adults with lots of planning, mutual respect and lots of affection and downtime after it can, for some, apparently be mindblowing. ( doesn't lift my skirt but respect those who do enjoy) this is not portrayed safely in this film.

Really?

I would say they had. Repeatedly. Technically, in the eyes of the law etc.

Flora said "if you are clearly not consenting at the time ... he is a rapist". That is true. The reply shouldn't be "how very dare you call him a rapist" it should be "I am consenting at the time".

Well no, I'm not consenting at the time. That's the whole point. The whole situation would have no interest for me if I wasn't consenting at first, they'd be no point.

I personally pretend not to consent

Hence why my dh doesn't rape me yes he is forceful because that's how I like it

I have explained this over and over earlier.

I enjoy being forced. It is my 'thing'.

I specifically asked dh to surprise me when I really wasn't in the mood for it. Thus I am not consenting at the start and that is what I want. Shortly afterwards obviously I find it highly arousing so therefore would be consenting.

Of course it's not rape. As I said before I hardly think the police would be remotely interested in our sex game.

I would say they are better off concentrating on real rape and abuse ay? You know, where someone is being violated, hurt, terrorized and most certainly not enjoying it.

You can stick to your rigid definition if it makes you feel better. I'm genuinely surprised and slightly sickened you can't differentiate between the two scenarios.

Also for sliced her and her dh have an arrangement and she enjoys it. It may seem like rape to you but to her it is not and it works for her so no big deal for the rest of us

pineapple why would you want to do something which your dh gets no enjoyment from? Even in every day sexual relationships most people would want the sex to be not only consentual but also mutually pleasureable.

There are countless threads on mn from women who feel used when their partners insist on this or that in the bedroom which they're not comfortable with, and I'm not talking anything bdsm related here but just in general, and the consensus is always that sex should be a mutual thing from which you both get enjoyment.

I wouldn't dream of insisting dp do anything to me which I knew he didn't enjoy and vice versa, your dp isn't really dominant then is he if you are wanting him to force himself on you? in fact I imagine that for a man who presumably doesn't harbour rape fantacies and to who the idea of rape is abhorrent to want him to do this would be incredibly degrading.

I don't insist it's his choice after a discussion he is not aroused by it as I am be he still enjoys and gets pleasure from the sex at the end he also gets pleasure from my pleasure which isn't the same as getting it from inflicting the pain. If he didn't want to do anything I wouldn't bring it up again and we wouldn't do it

My dh has many sides and yes he is truly forceful but that comes from a separate side to his personality which isn't linked to sexual gratification at all. I suppose he likes to be sub too but in the way of doing what I want so in this case I want him to be dom so he does it. We don't have this kind of sex very often

So now we should feel sorry for pineapples husband.

House no it's not the law as her case won't ever be taken to court as she doesn't feel raped because she hadn't been raped so there's nothing to judge here.

Let it go!

Apparently so betty when we started it was feel sorry for me who was abused and assaulted then feel sorry for my dh who was coerced then me again as I trust him to have no safe word now it's back to feel sorry for my dh again. I don't think we need to feel sorry for anyone here

Also I posted a let it go song further back let's all refer back to it

Well I do feel irritated that people persist in telling women how they should act and how they should feel and hell even what fantasies are right and wrong and how to carry on a relationship between 2 adult consenting people.

That pisses me right off!

I accept you suggestion and it maybe something we decide to use later if we try anything new as I said I would always recommend using a safe word to others

I think betty was saying that to everyone not aimed at you in particular there have been people on this thread trying to make me feel ashamed of my thoughts nd practices and trying to say what is right and wrong to do and think and in a sense have a moral superiority

Flora, can you make an actual argument that explicitly links 5SOG to young girls being forced into sexual behavior? Because you haven't made one on this thread.

You posted the below link. What's the connection between this and 5SOG?

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/women-being-coerced-into-having-anal-sex-researchers-say-with-persuasion-normalised-9671395.html

All you've done is repeatedly claim there is some link. Can you let us all know what it is? DV charities are experts in DV. Doesn't make them experts in anything else.

I don't think MrSliced is a rapist, because I believe that the "not consenting" is part of the game and that if Sliced actually wanted him to stop he would realise by her body language and slow down/stop.

But this is kind of what annoys me about FSOG - not being explicit about where the game starts and ends. The whole of FSOG exists within the game. I believe Sliced has an agreement with her husband that he can start the game without announcement.