...to ask MN-ers NOT to join in this glorification of domestic abuse? (contains spoilers)

[Floundering]

Fifty Shades of Shite

Can't believe the naivety and abuse deniers on here and amongst my friends.

DV campaigners such as Womens Aid & National Centre for Domestic Violence are urging people not to see this film.

It is not "just a piece of fun" it normalises abusive, controlling relationships as sexy, and it really bothers me so many women are colluding in supporting such crap that could hurt other more vulnerable women.

The BDSM community are frothing too as if done properly between 2 consenting adults with lots of planning, mutual respect and lots of affection and downtime after it can, for some, apparently be mindblowing. ( doesn't lift my skirt but respect those who do enjoy) this is not portrayed safely in this film.

Yes a safe word is a good thing but I personally do not need it I would not recommend this to bdsm practices or give it as advice. My husband truly knows me and I trust him completely and that is the only way we can do what we do. I enjoy pain and feeling forced in the right context it's not for everyone but it is perfectly acceptable if you both consent. I can consent to being whipped and I enjoy that and I would defend my dh if someone tried to tell me what he does is assault abuse and rape

living that's not comparing one thing with another. It's comparing fantasies with realities. HTH.

pineapple ahh, "surprise sex", that doesn't perpetuate rape myths, not at all.

Same here Pineapple

FLORA - you really need to have a good shag. Why do you keep turning the law book? Have a look at www.bondora.com for some ideas!

Oh ffs flora it is fine in my relationship because I enjoy it I would never say that all women enjoy to be surprised with sex. Sometimes as well surprise is literally I come home and a kinky board game is set up or the bedroom has been set up for us and that is also a surprise

Correction.
www.bondora.co.uk

Sliced that's already been covered on here. BDSM which results in ABH is illegal in England. In Scotland any assault without consent is illegal. The exceptions for contact sports don't apply outside of the sport (and sometimes don't apply in the sport in extreme circumstances).

And it wasn't me that posted about the fantasy of child abuse.

so, fantacising about being raped is ok because it's just a fantacy. What about a man fantacising about raping someone? is that ok as well? it's just a fantacy after all.

So as long as you don't follow through with it then any fantacy goes?

I think you mean
Www.bondara.Co.uk

Yes wannabe it is okay to fantasise about raping someone as long as you don't do it

If my husband set up the bedroom for when I get home he would get a fucking big surprise...and not the one he would be expecting

That's a joke by the way...thought I should just clarify that

Yes wanna thats ok too imo. I'm married to one

"you really need to have a good shag"

I don't actually agree with Flora but I really, really fucking hate this kind of response and I've seen it before in response to people discussing porn/sex work/watersports/etc. - like the only reason you can not understand/share someone's sexual practices is not because you've thought it through but because you're personally frustrated/"frigid"/a dried-up old crone and are jealous of/denying yourself their amazing sex lives. It's also little too close to the repellent "you're not really a lesbian, you just need to have it fucked out of you" for me.

Sliced well exactly so.

This thread is so weird. Few people criticise 50 Shades for the fact that it's about BDSM (or the author's view of BDSM, however valid) but the problems of consent, abuse and imbalance of power even outside of the sex scenes. Ana doesn't want to be a submissive, she only agrees to try it because she's in love with him and thinks it's the only way to get him to be with her. She consents to sex but she quite likes being tied up but she doesn't want to be dominated and controlled. He does it anyway and she takes it because she wants him. That's not a healthy, accurate portrayal of a BDSM relationship - it's just sad.

She is SCARED of him. There's one point in the book where he threatens to tie her up and put her in the cargo hold of a plane (if I remember correctly, I have read the first one) and she is not sure if he's serious or not. Would you be in a relationship with a man who you seriously thought would do that to you?

An awful lot of women are in the same type of relationship without the BDSM element - with men that want to control and possess them, and women too scared to say "no" and keep repeating it when they're pressurised. This book (and the film, if it's an accurate portrayal of the book) make that type of relationship out to be desirable and sexy.

Look at the picture in the OP. Grey has all the traits of an abusive partner both inside and outside of the bedroom, before and after Ana has reluctantly agreed to try and be his "sub".

"Yes wannabe it is okay to fantasise about raping someone as long as you don't do it." only someone who fantacised about being rape would consider that to be ok. What happens if your rape fantacist carries out their fantacy in the belief the woman they're raping was part of the fantacy and enjoyed it? how many of these rape fantacist apologists would feel happy with their daughters going out with someone who fantacises about raping women?

How about people just sit down with your daughters and sons and explain what a proper relationship is and isn't?

TheOneRing Really? I would say you need a good IQ, but sadly you get what you get...

You can fantasise what ever you wish it's in your head it is okay to role plaY
In your theory is it okay to fantasise about killing someone?
Yes just like every other fantasy is okay you can dictate what people think the difference comes between understanding the line between fantasy and reality

Again wanna, its fantasy. It wouldn't bother me.

And it does pose the question about societies acceptance of fantasies. Maybe some people are not happy about the things they fantasise, and maybe they want help with this but can't come forward because apparently in some peoples eyes its a crime to think in your own head.

sliced I tell you what if he doesn't crack on with the decorating this weekend it's cable tie and whipping time for my dh this weekend.

Flora yes free press with due regard to the law. That's what we do have in Britain. I really don't see your points make any sense.

Of course there are films depicting torture and rape? Have you Never seen any? Really? Schindlers list? The accused? Both excellent films.

See then or not. Your choice.

Lwegi yes the op points this out and some of us disagree that it either influences or causes abuse as it's a light trashy novel and the vast majority of women and men can read/watch films like this and accept that it's not real.

If your argument is someone somewhere will be affected then all films and books would he banned.

It is comparing one thing to the other thanks Flora. This whole debate is about fantasy to reality. Your sarcasm is rather misplaced.

Yes, I think the whole "is BDSM a good thing or not" thing is a red herring because, as far as I can tell, the problematic issues in the book/film aren't BDSM, or not as I'd understand it.

For ABH, the law considers that we don't have the ability to consent to assault.

Well of course it does, otherwise actual assaults can use consent as a defence. Same reason pre-consent isn't legal either, because it can be used in defence of actual rape cases and very hard to prove either way.

Thats why trust is paramount in any relationship, and especially in one where you are depending on the person not coming forward to prosecute you.