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AIBU?

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Original poster

...to ask MN-ers NOT to join in this glorification of domestic abuse? (contains spoilers)

999 replies

Floundering · 10/02/2015 09:13

Fifty Shades of Shite

Can't believe the naivety and abuse deniers on here and amongst my friends.

DV campaigners such as Womens Aid & National Centre for Domestic Violence are urging people not to see this film.

It is not "just a piece of fun" it normalises abusive, controlling relationships as sexy, and it really bothers me so many women are colluding in supporting such crap that could hurt other more vulnerable women.

The BDSM community are frothing too as if done properly between 2 consenting adults with lots of planning, mutual respect and lots of affection and downtime after it can, for some, apparently be mindblowing. ( doesn't lift my skirt but respect those who do enjoy) this is not portrayed safely in this film.

...to ask MN-ers NOT to join in this glorification of domestic abuse? (contains spoilers)
OP posts:
TheOneRing · 11/02/2015 10:52

FLORA - Star Wars!

Lweji · 11/02/2015 10:54

The point is that the books are not really about BDSM.

As pointed out even by people involved in BDSM.

If she is raped, it is not BDSM.

BeyondDoesBootcamp · 11/02/2015 10:55

"No" i protest, trying to kick him off"

FloraFox · 11/02/2015 10:56

Some acts between consenting adults are deemed ok while others not.

Erm, yes. Is that hard to grasp?

What if one person wanted another person to chop their legs off? You're ok with that?

BeyondDoesBootcamp · 11/02/2015 10:58

Wish people would stop whinging about actual bdsm on a thread that actually has bugger all to do with it. Apart from el james' personal decision that her idea of an abused bloke who goes on to abuse someone else is what counts as bdsm.

Thumbs up for the stunning research ms james.

MoanCollins · 11/02/2015 11:01

Well, the first reviewers have seen it and it appears many pairs of knickers may be in a twist over nothing. Apparently it is tame and gentle with only 15 minutes of sex and nothing graphic or particularly violent.

But a thread on here worrying about how dangerous it all is will have made some people think this tame little film is exciting and dangerous.

Like I said...I see publicists hands all over this thread...;

Bettybodybooboo · 11/02/2015 11:01

pineapple 11pm steady on there girl. Grin

Flora I have no objection to any film or book about anything as I believe in a free press. I also have the absolute right to not read and not attend.

No I don't think people would watch a film about incest and then go on the boards to praise the practise as it's illegal and generally not consensual.

That has absolutist nothing to do with this film or book.

If however consenting couples liked up act our fantasies of incest them that's up to them as is BDSM and rape fantasy.

Again fantasy/reality.

As in Obama had Osama. 2 very different men with very different ideas.

Hamiltoes · 11/02/2015 11:03

*Some acts between consenting adults are deemed ok while others not.

Erm, yes. Is that hard to grasp?

What if one person wanted another person to chop their legs off? You're ok with that?*

Your just not getting it are you.

If someone wanted to chop someones legs off and the person consented, you'd have to seriously evaluate their mental health and their ability to consent to the act they are consenting to.

People who consent to playing rape with their husbands are usually sane!! But still you are saying its not a "valuable form of sexuality"

How is not just as valuable as other forms of sexuality???

pineappleshortbread · 11/02/2015 11:05

Here is new adult version of let it go for a laugh:
My world gets dark in this bedroom tonight, no vanilla to be seen,
A kingdom of isolation and it looks like I'm beaten.
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside,
Couldn't keep it in heaven knows I tried.

Don't let them in don't let them see,
Be the good girl you always have to be.
Conceal don't feel don't let them know,
Well now they know.

Let it go let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go let it go
Turn away and slam the door.
I don't care what they're going to say
Let the storm rage on the pain never bothered me anyway.

It funny how some spanking makes everyone so mad
And a little sub and dom play can be made to seem so bad.
It's time to see what I can take
To push the limits and not break.
No right no wrong no rules for me
I'm free.

Let it go let it go
I am one with the sub inside
Let it go let it go
From the urge I will not hide.

Here I lay and here is tied.

My passion building from the darkest place inside.
My fantasies become reality and I will not hide.
And one more whip sends me right over the edge.
I'm never going back my shame is in your head.

Let it go let it go
Understand my world with me
Let it go let it go
You cannot shame me
Here I stand
In the light of day
Let the storm rage on
The pain never bothered me anyway

Bettybodybooboo · 11/02/2015 11:05

Flora chopping of another's leg is illegal so a reality. You know fantasy/reality.

Beyond yes it's a light trashy novel. It's not touted as a deep thinking booker prize winner. So what?

SlicedAndDiced · 11/02/2015 11:05

Betty apparently we aren't capable of judging the difference between fantasy and reality. Grin

This thread is getting beyond a bit silly now.

Do I think me truly enjoying being forced/ submissive can be compared to incest/ abuse/ rape. No not at all.

How did we even get on to people chopping each other's legs off? Consent to extreme surgical mutilation and having a bit of rough anal are hardly the same.

You don't like it. We get it. But we do, and no one is being hurt (well not seriously Grin ) so why the anger and frothing?

It's a film. People will go to see it if they want to. Compared to the hard core porography that is easily available to young women/ children I doubt very much it will have much of an effect.

SlicedAndDiced · 11/02/2015 11:07

Pineapple now you have got me humming that! Grin

pineappleshortbread · 11/02/2015 11:08

Sorry sliced my kids have build a bear olafs that sing it and it just seemed aptGrin

Bettybodybooboo · 11/02/2015 11:08

pineapple I just spat out my tea.

Grin
SlicedAndDiced · 11/02/2015 11:09

Betty I hope you spat it over your husband.

Sorry I couldn't resist Wink

TheOneRing · 11/02/2015 11:09

Pineapple that's brilliant. Grin

FloraFox · 11/02/2015 11:10

Do you really believe in a free press Betty? What about snuff movies or movies about people being tortured? What about books or movies that libel or defame other people? What about books or movies that disclose important state secrets like the identity of government agents or the security details for UK military barracks?

People say this all the time but I've never encountered anyone who really does believe in a free press. There are always limits. The real question is where you place them.

BDSM where it occasions actual bodily harm is also illegal yet there are plenty of people on here praising it. Sex without consent given at the time of the sex is illegal, yet there are people on here praising it.

RufusTheReindeer · 11/02/2015 11:10

I think flora is being very measured in her responses and is not resorting to hyperbole like some on here

What consenting adults enjoy in their own bedrooms is absolutely their own business

But the thread is discussing the dangers of a film making an abusive relationship seem romantic and something to aspire to

Loads of people have said that's it's not proper BDSM and experts on domestic abuse are also concerned

Hamiltoes · 11/02/2015 11:12

Yes I agree, apart from a few deranged posters I think its fair to say we are not an oppressed bunch and consent is the be all and end all.

Its been lovely chatting Grin

Now to stick the kettle on and get my teeth into a nice old fashioned bodice ripper...

Lweji · 11/02/2015 11:12

But the thread is discussing the dangers of a film making an abusive relationship seem romantic and something to aspire to

This, for fucks sake

pineappleshortbread · 11/02/2015 11:12

No one is praising rape flora just saying that some of us enjoy being surprised by our oh and enjoy that. It's not for everyone and I wouldn't want everyone to try it if they don't want to just that for some people it is okay

livingzuid · 11/02/2015 11:14

The 'it's just fantasy' argument: How comfortable would people be if their friend confided that they indulged in sexual fantasies about children. If their friend said they would never carry out these fantasies, they know that wouldn't be right, they never look at sexual pictures of children online, it's all in their head. Would you be thinking, that's all right then. Or would you be deeply uncomfortable that they are stoking their tendencies, giving them 'headspace' and developing them, rather than trying to quell or suppress them?

Why flora I believe I did read it being used as a comparison. And as someone who has survived child sex abuse I can assure you it is in no way an appropriate thing to be drawing into the discussion. So why don't you try harder dear?

FloraFox · 11/02/2015 11:15

Hamiltoes If someone wanted to chop someones legs off and the person consented, you'd have to seriously evaluate their mental health and their ability to consent to the act they are consenting to.

You are not getting that there are people on this thread who are praising actual bodily harm and rape, who don't have safe words but who think their partners will just know when they actually mean "no" and when they don't really mean "no".

For ABH, the law considers that we don't have the ability to consent to assault. It seems you are willing to draw a line as to what is an acceptable assault between consenting adults and what is not an acceptable assault between consenting adults. You question the mental health of one assault but not the other.

SlicedAndDiced · 11/02/2015 11:17

Doesn't the law already use discretion to draw a line about what is assault between two consenting adults.

Contact sports anyone?

SlicedAndDiced · 11/02/2015 11:19

Livingzuid I missed that, so it actually was compared to child abuse!

Ffs

Not resorting to hyperbole and measured my (slightly sore) arse.