...to ask MN-ers NOT to join in this glorification of domestic abuse? (contains spoilers)

[Floundering]

Fifty Shades of Shite

Can't believe the naivety and abuse deniers on here and amongst my friends.

DV campaigners such as Womens Aid & National Centre for Domestic Violence are urging people not to see this film.

It is not "just a piece of fun" it normalises abusive, controlling relationships as sexy, and it really bothers me so many women are colluding in supporting such crap that could hurt other more vulnerable women.

The BDSM community are frothing too as if done properly between 2 consenting adults with lots of planning, mutual respect and lots of affection and downtime after it can, for some, apparently be mindblowing. ( doesn't lift my skirt but respect those who do enjoy) this is not portrayed safely in this film.

I personally think they'll be looking for a long time before they realise that regular non abusive men are the norm.

But there are plenty of abusive men who go from woman to woman, as they can be charming, and just spread misery for those women.
Women should be educated to avoid them, not want them.

I guess it boils down to how many people have openly admitted that the book has led them to believe an abusive relationship is something desirable.

Many have openly admitted that the books are rubbish, sneered at the plot, the characters and either recognised the abusive behaviour and turned away from it. Or they've simply enjoyed the story for what it is and the abuse has not registered.

There has not been a post on here where a woman has spoken about her newfound search for Mr Grey and I've not met any in real life either. How many of these proposed women are believed to exist?

Maybe this has been asked already, but with an alleged 100 million copies sold over the past few years, why has it taken till now for the sudden opposition to the content?

then what are these women going to do exactly? Seek out billionaire abusers to sweep them off their feet?

Not necessarily billionaires but maybe some other common "excuse"? Well its ok cause he's good looking, or he has a good job, or he puts a roof over our heads, or whatever it may be.

Or... On the flip side. Not seek out an abuser but maybe introduce a sexual partner to the sort of "BDSM" seen in 50 shades. IME it takes a certain type of man to dominate in way that makes the sub still feel safe and secure at the same time. Shit gets real when you tie up your wife and leave her with nerve damage in her hands. Or spank her just an inch in the wrong direction and give her kidneys or tailbone a good whack, both of which can be quite dangerous. But, those and more physical dangers aside, what about the emotional health of both involved? This is something I think 50 shades does awfully. How confusing for your husband when you tell him you want to be pretend raped, but burst out crying during or afterwards. Completely healthy reaction to an intense experience but unless he's into that, and done a bit of reading, how is he supposed to know that? Hows he supposed to know what to do? How are you supposed to know what you need and convey that to him? Or perhaps you feel like you need to safeword because its all getting too real but you've not had that discussion in depth enough and don't want to ruin the moment? You want him to back off or tone it down a bit but you've no idea how to convey that to him. And what would you do if you needed him to stop, but he didn't?

Someone who takes an interest in a BDSM relationship will have considered all this, (and good on 50 shades if its got someone interested to go away and do some further research) ... However I know of at least 1 situation where a bit of a dabble after reading the books and wanting the Christian Gray experience went horrendously wrong for both parties involved! Without patronising, it happens. And i'd be horrified if it happened to my daughter.

I think some people here may not realise how many women do end up with abusers.
They don't exactly seek them.

Its fantasy for goodness sake...films and books quite often are!
If some people enjoy it, let them, and for the others who don't then don't watch or read it!

For goodness sake it's a light novel people!

Really really don't get this at all.

Ban Broadchurch in case it drives someone to kill a child.

Ban breaking bad incase it drives someone to build a meth lab.

This thread is ridiculous

As for vulnerable teenagers reading it and being influenced. They may thumb through to read the naughty bits as teens always did.

My dds 14/15 wouldn't be seen dead reading 'middle aged cringe porn' their description not mine.

its a novel. It's a piece of fluff like mama mia

Have a massive bloody grip.

Sorry Flower x post.

For goodness sake I cannot believe how many women are completely underestimating other women. Just because you read something that could be considered abusive does not mean you will then go out and be in your own abusive relationship or that you will suddenly turn into a passive reader with no original thought of your own other than what the book tells you. Often the role of the media is grossly overestimated. If you already have a particular mind setting the media could affect you more but most women reading the book know that it is indeed fiction and does not at all represent real life. This thread and some of the posters are so incredibly pationising to women and their supposed effects of this book it is actually laughable.

Hamiltoes the best way to protect your dd is to treat this book as a light novel and focus on real life.

That's okay Betty, totally agree

Yep totally agree Loves I think most of the posters getting their knickers in a twist about this clearly haven't read the books.

If they had they would realise that most of the dialogue is hilarious, the sex a tad boring and the plot akin to Eastenders.

But hey ho. Women in their millions now are begging to be nipple clampt and spanked. Because most of us are incapable of reading a novel and then getting in with real life.

Yawn.

I read the first of the three books and found it spectacularly shite.

But while I agree that on the whole it is a work of fiction, and not a very good one at that, there are some crucial issues which I'm surprised haven't been brought up on this thread.

The porn industry is widely criticised at the moment due to the fact it is seen as the objectification of women. Added to that, we have the no more page3 campaign where women are campaigning for the end to page3 on account of the fact that it is all about the objectification of women by men.

If 100 million copies of this book have been sold, a book in which women get to fantasise about being objectified by a man, made to be his submissive, beaten and whipped and spanked and wtf else happens in the book, and the majority readership and viewing of the film will be women, how on earth does anyone expect that society will take the no more page3 campaigns etc seriously?

If women openly admit that they fantacise about being dominated by men in this way, then it entirely kills the argument for ending/limiting things like porn and page3 because clearly society is not in agreement that these things are wrong if they're prepared to read about them as part of their daily enjoyment.

And just because something happens between consenting adults doesn't mean it's normal or should be accepted. I would be horrified if my son grew up being turned on by inflicting pain on his partner even if she was consenting. And if I had a daughter I wouldn't want her growing up wanting to be submissive to anyone.

I think it's easy to underestimate the influence these things have on how people perceive abusive behaviour and women's roles.
It's not only 50 shades that have been criticised. The Twilight books (reportedly) are not much better regarding abuse for example.

This has absolutely nothing to do with page 3! Page 3 is a reality.

This book is a work of fantasy.

Like breaking bad isn't supporting the drug industry.

Eastenders isn't an accurate portrayal of the East end.

And if Emmerdale was your normal farming village I would wear my ferret as a hat.

Are millions of women out there seeking vampires?

Although seriously who on earth would have chosen the dead cold guy over the hot wolf.

Now that was ridiculous.

Not vampires, but do we want young girls to fall for stalkers?

Overthinking maybes
Its a book/film!!!
Still agree with Betty ( especially about the hot wolf)
Any film etc can portrait examples...not everyone will perceive them in the same light

Hamiltoes the best way to protect your dd is to treat this book as a light novel and focus on real life.

Why thanks for that little gem of insight betty

Because most of us are incapable of reading a novel and then getting in with real life.

Pretty sure I read the book and got on with the rest of my life, hence why my post was never directed to "most of us".. It was merely acknowledging that the mass hysteria of the "why can't more men be like Christian Gray?" brigade does exist.

And anyone who tries to deny it doesn't clearly isn't on social media.

how on earth does anyone expect that society will take the no more page3 campaigns etc seriously?

Has nothing to do with page 3. And just for info, not everyone with tits is against page 3, theres A LOT of women who would rather not be patronised by do-gooder busy bodies about where they can and cannot get their tits out. Just my 2d.

If women openly admit that they fantacise about being dominated by men in this way, then it entirely kills the argument for ending/limiting things like porn and page3 because clearly society is not in agreement that these things are wrong

Clearly society is not in agreement that either of these things are wrong. Many many people, male and female, myself included, watch porn.

Again, just because you're female, doesn't mean you have to conform to the way every other female thinks. Can't you see how sweeping and generalising that is? You are quite right, 100million copies sold, do you think this is the only book that has this type of sex in it?

Not everyones sexual preferences are the same you know. And as long as DS / DD is safe sane and practising consent then I find that quite sad. I'd rather my DD explored the world and found sexual happiness in whatever shape or form of her choosing.

There is a difference between fantasising about being dominated, taking part in consensual dominant/submissive sex, and actually wanting to be with an abuser like Grey.

Glorification of domestic abuse or not, the book is a massive pile o' shite and I never got as far as the end of book 1, never mind books 2 and 3 to find out whether he became less of a twat or not.

Like many others on here, I don't see any merit at all in 50 Shades of Grey other than when read by Gilbert Gottfried, but I don't think that anyone who bought and enjoyed the book is going to suddenly boycott the film, or that anyone who didn't buy the book is going to go out of their way to go and see the film.

I fear this campaign, while laudable in its intention, just won't work.