...to ask MN-ers NOT to join in this glorification of domestic abuse? (contains spoilers)

[Floundering]

Fifty Shades of Shite

Can't believe the naivety and abuse deniers on here and amongst my friends.

DV campaigners such as Womens Aid & National Centre for Domestic Violence are urging people not to see this film.

It is not "just a piece of fun" it normalises abusive, controlling relationships as sexy, and it really bothers me so many women are colluding in supporting such crap that could hurt other more vulnerable women.

The BDSM community are frothing too as if done properly between 2 consenting adults with lots of planning, mutual respect and lots of affection and downtime after it can, for some, apparently be mindblowing. ( doesn't lift my skirt but respect those who do enjoy) this is not portrayed safely in this film.

Sex is play for adults. This movie is sexual fantasy aimed at women who enjoyed the books. I won't be going to see it, but I have no problem with those who will and I hope they enjoy it.

I am familiar with the BDSM scene and it is not the same as abuse! Consent is king and behaviour seen as "normal" in nightclubs (drunkeness, men haranguing women) is dealt with sharply. Also, being a Dom in a BDSM relationship does not mean dominating your partner outside of sex.

Pineapple, I'm glad you and your DH have a fun, fulfilling sex life. More power to you. I wish that for all women in relationships.

Never mind flogging and handcuffs, at the minute the most erotic thing my DH could do would be to do clear the half-dissembled engine from the dining room table

But who said millions is women wants that? Millions of women have read the books, and millions more will watch the films - that doesn't make it any less fantasy/escapism - reading does not equate to wanting in RL

Millions was probably an exaggeration . Just going by facebook last year and the numerous "why can't more men be like Christian Gray" posts.

To me, thats wanting a RL Christian Gray. And the sad thing is most of them like me were early 20s. Except my Aunt who was in her 40s and newly divorced, but we had a long chat over a bottle of wine and now shes read Kushiels Dart and Sleeping Beauty.

Thats where I think my problem with this book lies.

It's a book. It's a fantasy. It's not real.

House I think you have summed it up perfectly.

Its the way its marketed as true love.

Anything can turn you on. You have the right to fantasise about anything you like, be it abuse, rape, control, mind games, balloons or horses!!

Don't package that up as something to aspire to IN REAL LIFE. Package it up as a fantasy, as many other incredible authors have done beautifully over the years.

It's fiction.

hands out grips

To the person who said 'he's not as bad as Patrick Bateman' - is American Psycho marketed as an aspirational love story?

I think that was the point I was trying to make, in a slightly tongue in cheek manner.

I think most women will think it's a piece of nonsense.

And no more.

flimmyflam this is a discussion, I'm not saying 50SOG should be banned, just talking about how we might think about it. I suppose if you want to know what I want to happen, it's consciousness raising. I don't want to police women's fantasies but I do want to discuss them. I don't believe I need to present evidence about the points you mention. You can agree with me or not on the principles I've talked about around structural oppression and women but asking for impossible to obtain evidence is just a diversion.

limegold I don't recognise my points in your summary. I don't have a problem with women being sexual. I would like women's sexuality to develop in a society that does not eroticise women's submission. Since we live in a society that does eroticise women's submission, I'd like to discuss how that impacts on women's sexuality and their place in society.

DV charities are prudes?

I would just like to thank all the people on here that are saying it's a work of fiction

BECAUSE I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR IT IN THE NON FICTION SECTION!!!!!

Haven't read it (probably down to looking in the fiction section all this time) read twilight and that was shit!!

Not seeing the film though a group of my friends are

Its written badly, the author comes over as emotionally, a teenager going look at me being so daring and filthy. For some very sheltered middle class women, i think its shocking and they are massivley confusing BDSM Lite with real live DV which they are equally uninformed about. BTW if you want decent grown up escapist filth with cracking story line, Jackie Collins wrote the book - lots of 'em in the 80's

Its a consensual BDSM Lite relationship (note the words consensual and Lite . A lot of BDSM is far stronger) which then turns into a love story as one decides love has to come into it for them. So to me, thats not abusive DV.

Real DV is not consensual and is far, far, far beyond BDSM lite. Think Trevor in Eastenders raping Mo and pushing her face into food on the floor and isolating her from friends and family. Thats real DV. Or in my friends case not letting her leave the house, see friends, wear anything but trousers , beating her til she had hearing problems and mild brain damage/memory problems. Thats DV. 50 shades is consensual mild kink or BDSM Lite. End of.

If a racist or anti-semite who committed hate crimes was depicted as an attractive character, as someone that black/jewish people should aspire to be friends with, no one would think that was okay

Well it is ok in the context of literature.
I suppose it friends on what you think is literature or art and what you think is propaganda.

It's going to need it's own topic on here soon.....

Friends? Depends

I hate Jane Eyre. It sends an appalling message to young women regarding relationships. "Reader I married him" is one of the most depressing lines in literature. Yet women fantasize about a Mr. Rochester character. Just as they fantasize about lesbianism, submission, domination, group sex and anal.

It doesn't mean that they actually want these things, it just means it turns them on to think about it. That's what fantasy is.

What appalling message does Jane Eyre send out to young women?

Cracking book. I'd say a feminist one to boot.

My problem with this shite is that is has been marketed as a love story. It is being released on valentines weekend FFS. It's not love.

Yes, it's all very well fantasising about getting fucked by a really hot, loaded bloke with a big willy who makes your body 'shatter into a million pieces' on a regular basis. But 50 shades is also supposed to be romance. It's supposed to be 'romantic' that Christian stalks Ana, and women do seem to be sucking it up with the whole 'i would love my very own Christian Grey' crap. And merchandise in Tescos with his 'endearingly sexy' quotes like 'laters baby' plastered on it.

If you looked up the word 'creep' in the dictionary, there would be a little picture of Christian Grey standing there with his grey flannel pants hanging off of his hips in 'that way'.

I did like the comparison up thread of knowing that you hate 50 SOG before you have ever read it is like knowing that you hate the taste of poo before you have ever tasted it - that analogy is spot on on every level