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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be fuming at being told to be a "few shades less you"?

109 replies

TillyWantsTangled · 08/02/2015 14:41

Will try to keep short but not drip feed.

Friend is getting married and me and the two other bridesmaids arranged to meet up to discuss hen night. Me, friend and bridesmaid A are equally friendly, all met 5 years ago through work. Me and BM A had never met BM B prior to meeting up. She is friend's fiancée's very close cousin and is on the wedding on his behalf not friend's.

Me and the bride were meeting for lunch yesterday (the morning after meeting the hens -she didn't know we were meeting). When we got there she said she had a bone to pick with me and said that I upset her fiancée's mother, that she rang her and said bm B said she didn't like me. I asked did I say anything to offend/do anything wrong. She said no, BM B just felt a bit intimidated by my personality so "for now on, if you could try to be a few shades less you, that'd be great thanks".

The only thing I can think of was that BM B was really pushing the one idea that we all hated and friend had said she definitely didn't want to do and I said (nicely) that it was definitely out as it was the one thing friend said no way to.

Absolutely mortified! Me, friend and BM A are all equally "big" personalities (I would probably be the quietest, ironically). I apologised, went home and sobbed all day and text BM B and basically said I'm really sorry if we got off on the wrong foot/had upset her and could we start again. She text back and said she had no clue as to where my text had came from but it had been lovely meeting me.

I was with BM A last night and told her what happened, apologised if I was a dick and she was just like wtf? There was nothing wrong with how I was.

AIBU to be raging that rather than ask me what happened I just got told off straight off the bat? And that how dare she tell me to try to be a little bit less me?

Or should I just brush it off and put it down to wedding pressures and stress and trying to keep fiancées family happy? And should I bring it up to her, especially how much she has actually hurt my feelings?

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 09/02/2015 19:32

Where are the pearls to clutch?

Yes that's a mahoosive dripfeed but it's a goodun..

Did you tell her to fuck off? Wink.

echt · 09/02/2015 19:33

I like this thread because it went from A to Z in three pages, unlike most bridezilla ones. Tip-top, and well-played, OP.

fluffyraggies · 09/02/2015 19:35

I would have backed out of being a BM at a wedding where the bride has recently cheated on the groom anyway. On my sofa or not.

The rest of this sounds like a soap opera OP.

Chippednailvarnish · 09/02/2015 19:40

Blimey!

Viviennemary · 09/02/2015 19:40

Don't put up with this. Just pull out and let them find somebody else. if they're like this now goodness knows how bad it will get before the 'big day'. They sound horrible.

Bakeoffcakes · 09/02/2015 19:41

Christ on a flipping bikeShock

She sounds a little bit demented stressed.

Des she actually want to get married? I suppose that's not your problem really but I want to know

Original poster
TillyWantsTangled · 09/02/2015 19:49

You ate her?

It means I told her I disapproved of her behaviour. I'm Irish and common Grin

She apologised to BM A who accepted and hasn't backed out of the wedding but has told her that she will not be organising or going on any hen night involving alcohol. So now her hen do is officially her, her mum, MIL to be and the BM she doesn't really know (which is a bit shit for her Sad).

San Diego did you tell her to fuck off?
No despite how much of a gobshite the whole thing makes us all look, including myself with that epic rant, I am genuinely a mild tempered critter -coward-. I sent her a message earlier that basically said I don't want any trouble (i.e. I'll not tell your DP about your shagging sessions) but would rather we just kept our distance and I would rather not be part of the wedding.

OP posts:
LittleBairn · 09/02/2015 19:52

Goodness the other bridesmaid is a bit weak accepting that sort of behaviour from a friend. A hen do stuck with your mum and MIL sounds like a great dose of Karma.

Aeroflotgirl · 09/02/2015 20:06

Good for you for pulling out the wedding, be warned, you might be uninvited too.

DoJo · 09/02/2015 20:15

Sounds like she's getting the hen do she deserves after all. I wouldn't count on bridesmaid A going the full course either though.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 09/02/2015 20:32

You sound calm and collected, good on you.

Zucker · 09/02/2015 20:46

Yep it's a bit shit for the Bridesmaid she doesn't know alright, I would waste no sympathy for the bride waste of space.

CrystalHaze · 09/02/2015 21:06

Op did not throw her drink on the floor, it was one other of the BMs

I'm confused - I can't see any comments suggesting that it was the OP who threw her drink. It was the bride who threw her drink before abandoning BM A, wasn't it?

Am I missing part of the thread?

Aeroflotgirl · 09/02/2015 21:45

Crystal I am confused, was it BM or or Bride who threw their drink on the floor.

holypants · 09/02/2015 21:56

More importantly, what were the drinks? Can't abide wasted booze.

MonstrousRatbag · 09/02/2015 22:05

Does she even want to get married? Sounds like some kind of personal crisis. You're well out of it. Hope your sofa got out of this ok too!

AliceLidl · 09/02/2015 22:07

OP you should go to the wedding and wait for the moment they ask if anyone knows of a reason why they shouldn't get married, then produce copies of this thread for the vicar and assembled guests Grin

bloodygorgeous · 09/02/2015 22:22

Honestly? I think you all sound like a bunch of loons

anothernumberone · 09/02/2015 22:36

All the same you can kind of see where the MIL is coming from trying to be as awkward as possible to put her off marrying her son

She sounds like a total bitch OP you did the right thibg.

Original poster
TillyWantsTangled · 09/02/2015 22:45

Sorry bride to be threw(sp?) a West Coast Cooler Grin

. I feel much better now for my vent but will be fair to her as someone suggested I think she's having a mini crisis from the whole thing

OP posts:
HellKitty · 09/02/2015 23:00

I'd totally want to be a guest!

Bettybodybooboo · 09/02/2015 23:51

Loving this thread and it's a good one op. Would love to ever attend a wedding like this in RL but unfortunately none if my friends or relations are East Enders material! Darn it.

Now get outa my pub Wink

Aeroflotgirl · 10/02/2015 00:05

Doesen't mean she has to be a bitch.

PinkSnowAndStars · 10/02/2015 03:23

I want Zilla to lose ALL her bridesmaids... And then the fiancé finds out what she's been up to and leaves her at the alter.

I clearly watch too many soaps!!

RosyAuroch · 10/02/2015 04:00

Is there any chance she doesn't want to get married d'you think?