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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to move DD from her nice independent school where she has a scholarship because her brother didn't get offered one?

999 replies

middleschoolmuddle · 07/02/2015 23:23

We are not rich but nor are we poor. The school have offered us a 16% bursary for DS - it's not enough.

Would it be mean to move DD to a state school at this stage (Y9)? Has anyone done this?

I can't think straight, my mind is whirring so I'd love some perspective from those of you that have managed to use the local 'good' state schools and pass up the rather nice (best in County) independent one.

OP posts:
Original poster
middleschoolmuddle · 10/02/2015 22:58

I did suggest to DD that she needn't have been embarrassed and that he possibly should have since it isn't nice to brag - she agreed.

OP posts:
BuildYourOwnSnowman · 10/02/2015 23:00

co-founded British Telecom? He must be quite an age

Original poster
middleschoolmuddle · 10/02/2015 23:03

I've no idea of the truth of it but I do know that they are a big employer in the area.

OP posts:
dougierose · 10/02/2015 23:04

rolls eyes - his Dad must be an old crock then, because BT was created in 1981. And we all know what old crocks are full of.

dougierose · 10/02/2015 23:05

His Grandfather probably bought some shares BuildYourOwnSnowman

Hakluyt · 10/02/2015 23:06

I would have thought that all his little friends would have howled with mirth...........

dougierose · 10/02/2015 23:09

Apart from one.

Original poster
middleschoolmuddle · 10/02/2015 23:16

cheeky, thanks for the good luck wishes.

OP posts:
SolomanDaisy · 11/02/2015 06:30

She really needs to take anything this boy says with a pinch of salt. BT is a privatised arm of the post office, it didn't have founders.

TheWordFactory · 11/02/2015 06:46

Oh come on everyone.

13 year old boy says something crass and possibly incorrect. Hardly news worthy.

dougie aren't you the poster starting treads about how hilarious it is that Arsenal has the word arse in it and Scunthorpe ...

SuburbanRhonda · 11/02/2015 07:00

It wasn't the boy saying something crass, IME, it was the fact that instead of seeing him for the bragger he is, the OP's DD told her mum she felt embarrassed about thinking the boat cost £56k instead of £56 million.

She needs to perfect the act of widening her eyes and saying, "Really? How absolutely fascinating!" while stifling a yawn Wink

SuburbanRhonda · 11/02/2015 07:00
  • IMO
TheWordFactory · 11/02/2015 07:34

And I'm sure she will. But ya know, she's 13...

BuildYourOwnSnowman · 11/02/2015 08:40

It's more than likely that this boy isn't as rich as he wants her to think and is coming up with stories to look impressive. It's irrelevant what scale of money we are talking as exaggerating to impress is not unheard of. Agree with pp that its the dd's apparent awe and naïveté that the op needs to work on.

Hakluyt · 11/02/2015 08:56

"And I'm sure she will. But ya know, she's 13..."

Granted. But the OP isn't.

Floggingmolly · 11/02/2015 09:18

Why does teaching preclude you seeing your kids, op? You've mentioned this several times, but haven't explained your reasoning.

Your children will be at school at the same time that you're at a different school teaching different children; if anything, the workday is likely to be shorter... Confused
You were extremely snarky in your last reply to Elephants "I choose to see mine and other people don't" - what's that about?????

Floggingmolly · 11/02/2015 09:22

How academically selective can the current school be, when both your children - and I quote, "didn't make the cut" for grammar school?
And Eton would be lucky to have him?? Of course they would...

JudgeRinderSays · 11/02/2015 09:39

Op posted on Sun 08-Feb-15 01:05:05

she got a place at a superselective in Y7 and we turned it down

and now you say you would have preferred the superselective but your DC didn't 'make the cut'

I don't think yacht boyis theonly one telling porkies!

TheWordFactory · 11/02/2015 09:44

OP's DD secured a place at the SS but they turned it down for independent.

OP's DS didn't make the cut for SS. He passed the grammar exam, but it wasn't enough for the super selective (common).

Or have I got it wrong?

Original poster
middleschoolmuddle · 11/02/2015 09:50

Flogging, many children of teachers on here bemoan the fact that they didn't get to see much of their teacher parents during term time. The working day doesn't stop for a teacher when the pupils go home you know.

Some people use nurseries/child minders/grandparents/after school clubs another parent to look after their kids when they are working during the week - I make no judgement on this. A teacher's work is never done and weekends and evenings are taken up with marking and planning - it is at these times that I want to see my kids.

OP posts:
Original poster
middleschoolmuddle · 11/02/2015 09:51

You've got it right Word.

OP posts:
Original poster
middleschoolmuddle · 11/02/2015 09:53

DD was on the waiting list and got offered a place after she had already started at her independent school.

OP posts:
WillBeatFebruaryBlues · 11/02/2015 09:59

piqued at the OTT reactions this 56 mill yacht has had.

Yacht boy is an ill bred mannerless oik, and wouldn't want my children anywhere near him

Over reaction, much?

13 year old boy says something crass and possibly incorrect. Hardly news worthy Indeed and if another 13 year old boy had viciously attacked someone with a spade, MN would be saying,

" De poor ickle lad, poor didums, don't be meany to him, he had a hard life, all you stuck up snobs just don't want to know about this sort of thing" If any one had dared to say he was old enough to know what he was doing.

But he is fair game because its money he mentioned Confused

InfinitySeven · 11/02/2015 10:01

Without jumping into the debate, because I think there is more than enough representation for each side...

I went to a grammar school. Passed my 11+ and, thankfully, got full funding. There was no way we could have afforded to pay any part of the cost.

I thrived there. It was, undoubtedly, the best place for me.

In year 10, I was moved back to a standard state school, because none of my sisters made it into the grammar school and my mum disliked how holidays and parent/teacher days didn't match up, for example. I got a funded bus to and from school, so it didn't really affect her. The school held a lot of meetings with her to try and persuade her to let me stay.

State school was completely different. No big problems, but very different, and while I still got good marks, I felt unsupported. I walked away with my expected GCSE results, which are good, and the school did try and help me fit in. But I have never been able to forgive my mum for my childhood, and I will never understand why she moved me.

If you need to move her, this is irrelevant. You have to do what is best for you as a family, at each stage. But make sure your reasons are good, and make sure that you can explain them to her and she will understand.

TheWordFactory · 11/02/2015 10:07

It's weird, but in real life people accept that children, indeed, adults are not perfect; just flawed, complex, beautiful wonders.

But on MN an off hand exagerated, daft comment made by a child is siezed on as concrete proof that their own parochial paradigm is The One True Way.

Look. See how the children of the rich behave! I want nothing to do with them and their ways of evil. We are much better off as we are Grin.

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