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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to move DD from her nice independent school where she has a scholarship because her brother didn't get offered one?

999 replies

middleschoolmuddle · 07/02/2015 23:23

We are not rich but nor are we poor. The school have offered us a 16% bursary for DS - it's not enough.

Would it be mean to move DD to a state school at this stage (Y9)? Has anyone done this?

I can't think straight, my mind is whirring so I'd love some perspective from those of you that have managed to use the local 'good' state schools and pass up the rather nice (best in County) independent one.

OP posts:
saintlyjimjams · 10/02/2015 10:01

56 million on a boat?? That's fucking obscene giving the services that are being cut left, right & centre in the UK at the moment.

I've glimpsed the world from the outside (went to Oxford, you trip over the seriously loaded there & even make friends with some). It's not a world I'd want to inhabit. Same old shit, but more money to seriously mess your brain/life up from my observations (especially if financially you never have to work).

If that's what you're after I'd give everyone a break to be honest. Be careful what you wish for.

The 'best' world I have been introduced to is the learning disability world btw. Steep yourself in that if you want happiness, fulfilment & a lot of laughs. Which gives some idea of how upside down & back to front the world is at the moment and how our values are all wrong.

TheWordFactory · 10/02/2015 10:04

Dunno about that saintly.

I've been poor and now I'm rich. I know which I prefer. By a country mile Grin.

disclaimer; i do not have enough for said boat. I don't even like sailing.

DeanKoontz · 10/02/2015 10:05

£56m yachts for sale

Not as big as you'd think.

to move DD from her nice independent school where she has a scholarship because her brother didn't get offered one?
yonisareforever · 10/02/2015 10:06

I am amazed so many people believe what some random boy has told ops DD.

DC exaggerate make stuff up, maybe he thinks thinks ops DD is super wealthy and is making shit up to woo her. His background maybe like hers.

Do I think a boat can cost 56 million, yes, does this boy dp have one?

Who knows.

DeanKoontz · 10/02/2015 10:09

I am totally grateful that my state school educated dd would see straight through any such shite yoni

saintlyjimjams · 10/02/2015 10:12

I'm not saying it's good to be poor. But seriously rich is a different world. I remember going to one dinner party (someone dropped out, we were making up the numbers) & people were talking about the cars they'd just bought which cost more than our house! The whole meal was boring boast after boring boast & name drop after name drop. It's a cliche but they knew the price of everything & the value of nothing. They were all quite nouveau though. I think some Old Money is very different (a strong sense of responsibility in many cases).

I'd much rather go for lunch at ds1's special school tbh - people understand values there.

saintlyjimjams · 10/02/2015 10:14

I do know people wealthy enough for a 56 mil boat although tbh if one of the ds's came home from school with that story I would probably say 'yeah right' (unless they were at Eton, might believe it then).

PrimalLass · 10/02/2015 10:17

I was at uni with one of the Cadogans. No one knew how seriously minted he was. We lived in the scruffiest halls of residence - quite a comedown from Sloan Square and Eton. Nice bloke.

TheWordFactory · 10/02/2015 10:22

Oh please don't fetishise old money.

It's just people who have done nothing to earn it. Often talentless. They don't want to breath the sane air as the rest of us , but just hide it with nice manners.

MuttersDarkly · 10/02/2015 10:24

As the thread's resident (solitary ?) non graduate with just four poxy O levels I feel like a bit of a fraud posting on a thread inundated with so many well educated people. So thank you for the nice comments about what I've written. I apologise for the "no punctuation knowingly left unabused" aspect. It's the iPad's fault. Honest.

I'm only posting cos I feel a sense of "well hello my twin in a slightly different, but actually quite similar under the surface, context" with the OP.

She's like a much saner, more realistic version of me, when I went seriously tunnel visioned about DS's education.

BTW middle. My son goes to a British private school. An online one. That might be a way back to teaching for you that doesn't cost too much in terms of family time. There may soon also be an online state school in England. Wey Ecademy (possibley spelled like that). If you want to have a chat with some teachers who have made the leap from brick to online I can ask DS's school if they would put you in touch with a couple of members of the staff.

Also, check out Catherine Mooney and Sam Martell. There is a huge hole in that market at A level in most subjects and for geography, history and several other subjects at IGCSE and KS3. It'd take some work to build up your product. But it seems to be a growing market. With some reworking a similar product/service could be aimed at after school tuition for kids in mainstream ed.

A few people on teacherspayteachers have made millions. Not sure how becuase... cliparttastic... however if you enjoy materials production, but not so much the idea of slogging towards the creation of an entire textbook it might be worth a dipping of the toe to see how it goes.

saintlyjimjams · 10/02/2015 10:27

I'm not - but manners help when you're at a dinner party! Rather than yawning through boast after boast. And they do (in conversation at least, ime) seem to have a sense of duty of care. Apart from the ones who spend the time injecting their inheritance into their veins I supppse (but that I guess summarises where it can all go very wrong).

PrimalLass · 10/02/2015 10:27

I agree WordFactory. I'd rather be me. Having become obsessed with seen Made in Chelsea, I imagine we were a nice slice of normal.

saintlyjimjams · 10/02/2015 10:28

Wey ecadamy was rejected yesterday :(

EdSheeran · 10/02/2015 10:29

I went to a private primary school (and a state comprehensive for secondary) and there were no bloody rolling hills. :( I'm going to tell my mum and I think she will be very disappointed. After all, surely that's why she spent thousands on my education?!

ouryve · 10/02/2015 10:41

Wey ecadamy was rejected yesterday

Did they say what the grounds were for the rejection, saintly? I would have thought it would be an excellent concept for children who struggled to access education by more traditional means, for a variety of reasons. I do hope that the decision wasn't based on any luddite reaction to the idea of children using computers as a significant part of their learning.

MuttersDarkly · 10/02/2015 10:48

Wey ecadamy was rejected yesterday

But they just bought my son's school.

saintlyjimjams · 10/02/2015 11:16

I don't know ouryve. I suspect it had lots to do with 'socialisation' etc. somewhat missing the point of the whole proposal.

Have they bought interhigh??

MuttersDarkly · 10/02/2015 11:20

Yes.

As a going concern.

MuttersDarkly · 10/02/2015 11:30

Socialisation and perhaps a little antipathy to what the non-location dependent model could do to a "decent school - hot spot" littered housing market. Especially when said housing market is suspected to be a tad bubble-ish

educatingarti · 10/02/2015 11:40

"If you work in education can't you tutor other children, you could easily cover fees."

What planet is this on?

Oh and I've earned about $20 on Teacherspayteachers - although I admit I've not exactly put massess and masses of time into it!

Panicmode1 · 10/02/2015 12:10

I did some work for a family where they had so much money the father told me he couldn't decide what to buy his son for Christmas so he thought it would be a plane. And not just a light aircraft, but a 747. Unbeknownst to him - his son had done the same for him. I was Shock - but he said that he could buy whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted so life was a bit boring and it was fun to be a bit bonkers sometimes....!

(I'm now reading this thread as a comedy sketch - I was sympathetic to OP at the beginning having worked through similar dilemmas, but now I'm just giggling at how ridiculous it has become).

yonisareforever · 10/02/2015 12:25

. Rather than yawning through boast after boast

But was it real boasting, when they all talked about same thing.

I mean isn't it just the same as talking about the new fiesta we have purchased and some one piping up, " Great cars, had one 10 years"? Except the cars they were talking about are more expensive and you don't have one, so you view it as boasting?

Rich people have DC with disabilities too.

yonisareforever · 10/02/2015 12:26
  • but he said that he could buy whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted so life was a bit boring and it was fun to be a bit bonkers sometimes....!

This makes me think of Neckar Island, interesting program about Richard Bransons Island. He seems to have been very creative with his £££ guess you get boring rich people as well as boring poor people.

saintlyjimjams · 10/02/2015 12:56

Rich people have DC with disabilities too

Well obviously Hmm

My friend rang me an apologised for inviting us after the particularly boastful dinner party, so yes I think they were on fine form that particular day. I think her words were 'oh god I am SO sorry' (before I said anything).

In some ways mutters that encourages me - they should have a lot of money to invest in interhigh and they won't be constrained in direction in they way they might be with a free school. I'll watch with interest (have a year 5 who we are considering all sorts for - he's bright, but a very anxious child). It's a shame they weren't approved though. I thought the idea had a lot going for it.

arna · 10/02/2015 12:58

The great thing about threads like this one, regardless of whether you think the OP is a fantasist or not, is that it certainly makes me realise that as an invested pushy mother, I am a lot saner than others!

I think she is a genuine poster too since her posts really stands out - just clearly a tad extreme.

OP - Your options clearly are :
(a) Earn more dosh or
(b) Sell your house