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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to move DD from her nice independent school where she has a scholarship because her brother didn't get offered one?

999 replies

middleschoolmuddle · 07/02/2015 23:23

We are not rich but nor are we poor. The school have offered us a 16% bursary for DS - it's not enough.

Would it be mean to move DD to a state school at this stage (Y9)? Has anyone done this?

I can't think straight, my mind is whirring so I'd love some perspective from those of you that have managed to use the local 'good' state schools and pass up the rather nice (best in County) independent one.

OP posts:
YoullLikeItNotaLot · 10/02/2015 07:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 10/02/2015 07:19

I think the op is as talented a musician as her daughter.
She is playing everyone on this thread like a fiddle.

bringmejoy2015 · 10/02/2015 07:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hakluyt · 10/02/2015 08:00

Yep. Bored now.

TheWordFactory · 10/02/2015 08:00

Oh I think it's probably all true. Why would the OP bother to lie?

And the thought processes are much akin to the thread about the school run to CambridgeGrin.

I suspect the OP is one if life's optimists. Where optimism sometimes crosses into being unrealistic or risk taking.

Most people are pessimistic and risk averse so simply cannot get their head around it.

My Mum could be accused of the same ( I'm sure she was) but she had her dreams for me and went for it. They came off and I owe her everything!!!

In turn, my friends call me Pollyanna and I've always lived my life optimistically/ ambitiously. Often ignoring the warnings from others that my ambitions can't be achieved.

And things do often have a way of working out...

ZeroFunDame · 10/02/2015 08:09

I'm not bored yet ...

SuburbanRhonda · 10/02/2015 08:24

The world isn't always divided neatly into optimists and pessimists, though, word.

As this thread has neatly demonstrated, it's often realists and fantasists.

Hakluyt · 10/02/2015 08:28

Word- the difference is your mum went for it. The OP is just "waiting for somthing to turn up".

Hakluyt · 10/02/2015 08:32

For example, by Mumsnet standards I'm an optimist.I genuinely believe it is possible for my clever ds to get to Cambridge from a pretty average state school, and not be bullied into a nervous breakdown or catch thick in the process Grin

TheWordFactory · 10/02/2015 08:34

True hak.

But there are times when you just have to go for it without everything neatly in place and work it out as you go along.

Quite a few times in my life I've had to throw caution to the wind.

That said, I wouldn't try to fund school fees as the OP is doing. But I wouldn't necessarily give up either. I'd find a way of earning the money. There are always ways and means to earn a dollarWink.

SuburbanRhonda · 10/02/2015 08:39

I'm still reeling from the revelation that's it's possible to spend £56 million on a boat Shock

ZeroFunDame · 10/02/2015 08:41

I OTOH think it's entirely possible to mix up £££ with centimetres ...

APotNoodleandaTommy · 10/02/2015 08:58
Biscuit
Gen35 · 10/02/2015 09:12

I suspect either the boy was having your dd on for being naive about 56 ft or he's an odious creep that was trying to impress her, either way, hardly heartwarming. Hope you manage to find a suitable job before next year...your take on life reads like a famous five adventure, while I admire a can-do spirit, resilience is also important, most people would have just gotten a job by now as you clearly have skills to sell...

BirdintheWings · 10/02/2015 09:13

The weird thing is that this thread started by asking for 'some perspective from those of you that have managed to use the local 'good' state schools and pass up the rather nice independent one.'

But those of us who are quite happy with the good local schools are being completely ignored.

So, Muddle: for the record, we have children at good state secondary schools. For free.

They do masses of musical, dramatic, historical and scientific enrichment work. Most of that is free too, though the musical lessons are starting to add up and bloody DD now wants a harp or a marimba after they said they could find teachers for anything.

They even have green fields, and play endearingly silly games on them. Free.

They have children in the county and national youth orchestras, youth theatre and youth musical theatre. Not quite free, but certainly not £8000 a year.

They had their last Christmas concert (free) in a rather nice candlelit college chapel. The one before that was in the university church, and the bishop came to it, and was complimentary about the extraordinary standard of madrigals and recorder playing (I am honestly not making this up).

Why are you saying that this 'isn't the sort of thing you want for your children'? Your quote.

Inthedarkaboutfashion · 10/02/2015 09:19

it is possible to pass the 11+ (a score of 303 is considered a pass and will gain you access to a number of grammar schools, just not the one that we are within reach of) and not get a place. He scored quite a lot higher than that but not high enough sadly.

303 is a very low pass. A pass in my neighbouring grammar region would be 334 if you live within catchment and around 360 if you live out of the catchment area. Even for the less selective grammar schools you would need a minimum of 334 if you lived in the catchment.
The average pass mark is 300 so 303 would indicate a very average child. 303 would be an 11+ fail by a long way in my neighbouring region.

MuttersDarkly · 10/02/2015 09:19

I'm still reeling from the revelation that's it's possible to spend £56 million on a boat shock

... the more relevant revelation for the OP's dilemma, is that it is possible to spend 56 mill on one and still feel like you are scrabbling about on the cusp of breaking in to a world that you'd like to inhabit.

That pretty much fits in with my experience of The Shiney People.

Once you peeled off the diamond tiras... you've heard the expression "Same old shit wherever you go, it's just geography."?

"Same old shit wherever you go, it's just socio-economics" works just as well.

Finding that out has saved me at least a hundred quid over the decades in unbought lottery tickets.

antimatter · 10/02/2015 09:24

I can see that OP doesn't understand the need to research. I think this is her worst sin.

SuburbanRhonda · 10/02/2015 09:35

I'd have been more impressed with the OP's DD if she had come home and said She thought the boy was a twat, rather than being embarrassed that she thought it was thousands rather than millions.

mummytime · 10/02/2015 09:37

Bird - Harp isn't too bad, it sounds nice at least. And is a shortage instrument, and people pay a lot to have them played at Weddings.

My DC went to the local State schools - are doing fine. We know lots who go to Oxbridge and Medical schools each year. Only possible disadvantage - slightly less knowledgable about some US unis compared to some private schools (eg. Wellington).

Floggingmolly · 10/02/2015 09:38

I doubt the 56 million yacht brigade are living in little villages just off Ipswitch, tbh.

BirdintheWings · 10/02/2015 09:44

Oh, I wouldn't mind her playing the harp, Mummytime, I just don't intend to buy one -- or the bigger car to put it in!

DS plays the sort of shortage instrument that rightminded people would pay to have removed from their wedding.

TheWordFactory · 10/02/2015 09:48

If it offers boarding then you'll always get squillionaires from forrin' wherever it is in the UK Wink.

yonisareforever · 10/02/2015 09:52

Btw mutters your posts were the best thing here and more than made up for the marvellous bookI have not read tonight

Now arnt they just, beautiful, informative...

yonisareforever · 10/02/2015 09:59

Word- the difference is your mum went for it. The OP is just "waiting for somthing to turn up" .

not really she has got one into private school.

MuttersDarkly Tue 10-Feb-15 09:19:49

Indeed Mutters.

open up Bel Ami and see 1885 peeps moaning about the traffic and chaos of horse carriages Grin being human is a great leveler