to move DD from her nice independent school where she has a scholarship because her brother didn't get offered one?

[middleschoolmuddle]

We are not rich but nor are we poor. The school have offered us a 16% bursary for DS - it's not enough.

Would it be mean to move DD to a state school at this stage (Y9)? Has anyone done this?

I can't think straight, my mind is whirring so I'd love some perspective from those of you that have managed to use the local 'good' state schools and pass up the rather nice (best in County) independent one.

and a total absence of Mumsnet would make it nearer the higher figure than the lower one

Ha. Tell me about it

Hello middleschoolmuddle, I think I missed the straight up advice part of this thread, it has already moved on to the social/educational/philosophical portion of the thread, lol.

But, I am not to be deterred, here is my tuppence based on my imperfect knowledge of your family and finances.

1. Talk to the school, give negotiation a shot. If you only need 9% movement you might be in with a chance.

1. Without that, do not send your son private. It's just not something your family can afford.

1. Leave your DD in place until after GSCEs. It's only two more years and the disruption to her results could be dire.

1. Explain why your DD is staying till A-levels and your DS is not going at all by explaining that DD has a scholarship and DS does not. You love them both and are proud of them both. Each year is different, and DS didn't manage to prevail over this particular year's cohort academically, though you are sure he did quite well in the entrance exam because he was offered some bursary.

1. Get repositioned to the catchment of the high school with 6 form that you want before DD is out of the old school, so that she is "in catchment" when applying for 6th form.

1. Don't bother with having DC3 sit the exam at all. Declare that you are so pleased with the state high school that his two older siblings that you wouldn't even consider it! And fingers crossed, with a bit of luck you really will feel that way.

As an aside, I find the discussion of "cultural capital" really interesting. It's a slippery word probably because it's a slippery concept. I am thinking a lot about what it actually is.

OP I have to say that I don't agree with your views on a lot of things you have posted here, but it sounds like you have brought up a wonderfully level headed and practical DD. That was a very creative solution to the New York question and reflects well on both you and here in terms of teaching her about the value of money.

Will it be too much of a stretch for you to sell your local state schools to all your DC? Or would this represent the death of your hopes and dreams for them/you?

I'm getting confused - do you still need to move if you do nothing to the status quo? DD stays at her private school and DC& DC3 stay at their respective schools.

Am I reading this correctly? There is nothing inherently wrong with the state school provision in your area - it's simply down to the fact that you aspire to the absolute best academic schools in the wider area but you cannot afford it and is scrabbling round, desperate to attain what seems to be an elusive goal.

In your mind, that 9% extra bursary for DC2 which is the maximum you could hope for, does not, in reality lessen the burden since you're talking about paying out 50% of your income on the mortgage/school fees alone on a total income of £60K. And then, there's still DC3...

Toomany, thank you, that is all very sound advice. I'm not sure we will speak to the school though as we could do to put the whole thing off for another year (if it happens at all).

cheeky, I called the LA about the RC school and they have a Y9 place available.

Dallas, yes, you've got it. We won't need to move if things stay the same.

As another poster mentioned upthread, DS not getting the 25% scholarship may have been a blessing in disguise, as we really can't afford this with the situation as it is at the minute.

As you seem to be so far away from the free alternative school for ds2, how come you are so confident that he will get in anyway? Good schools tend to be oversubscribed and you sound a long way away if you are considering moving because of it.

rookie, thank you. We were so proud of DD busking, it took a lot of guts. She averaged about £30 per hour which is amazing really although you can only keep going for so long.

toomanyexams cultural capital is indeed slippery and ever-changing.

We all have a culture of course. When I grew up on a huge council estate, I was steeped in a very rich culture. It's just that that culture is not considered valuable by the dominant group and thus cannot be used to access real capital (and power). Or not easily anyway.

Interestingly, the cultural capital that the traditional middle classes are steeped in, is no longer particularly valuable either. Things have changed. The dominant group is now global and has moved on (both physically and culturally).

One of the reasons why private schools keep up with the changes is simply that there is a high concentration of the dominant group. And they inevitably share culture with the community.

Another reason is the money within the community. As the most valuable cultural capital becomes ever more costly to gain in the first place, the only people who can actually get it and keep it are the wealthy.

Which is something the OP needs to keep in mind.

Can you sing? You could make sumptuous dinners and DH could serenade them

Get a job! Any job!

Hmmm, my first thought is that it just all sounds like good old fashioned snobbery!

But then, I am not sure what the cultural capital of the traditional middle classes looks/ed like (playing a musical instrument, nice table manners, reading a broadsheet, perhaps? I am not really sure.) And I certainly don't know what the cultural capital of the new dominant group look like. I really can't even hazard a guess.

Cultural capital = knowledge that is useful in order to get ahead

Leave things as they are for now school wise and really focus on getting a job.You don't have any easy options money wise, the plan of selling your house could take some time to realise and cost money in the short term to repair your boiler and roof so that your property is saleable. You can only realise that equity if someone wants to buy it.

Therefore quickest way you can raise some money is through employment.

You need to focus on why getting a job is so important i.e. to gain money, rather than worrying about preserving your CV - you've got to consider what you are preserving it for, last time I looked there sadly wasn't a glut of employers looking to hire 40- 50 somethings with aging but worthy CVs on great salaries, otherwise I'd leave my p/t job like a shot to get in the queue .

Who knows if you get a job, you may well enjoy having something additional to think about, as your concern around your DC's education seems a bit disproportionate. I'd also reconsider the cutting them off at uni - yes if you put DS1 or DS2 into private it's effectively what you'll have to do in order to have enough money to live on in retirement, but if you don't put them in private, coupled with getting a job, you could have a much more measured long term approach about their education.

Also speak to your DH, ask him what he wants to do. If he tries to steer it to "Well I thought DD should have gone to the other school when she had the chance" gently remind him that you are where you are now. Try to listen to his opinion and consider it carefully.

I hope it all works out for you and your DCs.

I'd complain to Santander if I were you OP. That 'illustration' you posted says 'Current arrangements' and 'New arrangement'. That's not very good grammar. It's either singular or plural not both.

Lemon - you are in a much better position than the OP. You have assets to liquidate without selling your home and you can make ends meet from income with an adjustment to your lifestyle. The OP has neither of those things.

Is this a joke? Busking to get through uni? Wheres your head at OP?

In the nicest possible way, stop living a champagne lifestyle on a water salary. If you are so desperate to save money then downsize, get rid of a car, quit shopping in Waitrose and say "no" to your kids a bit more! Allowing your children to "want for nothing" is teaching them to grow up with their head in the sands and could even leave them in a similar mess you're in now!!

Why are bursaries being offered to people who are comfortably off with high achieving children?

Private schools are CHARITIES. Clever m/c kids are surely shouldn't be considered worthy recipients of charity money?

Aren't bursaries means tested? I'm fairly sure you have to give full details of your finances, with full justification of all your expenditure.

Shopping in Waitress will be majorly frowned upon, I'm afraid...

And Waitrose as well, obviously...

Bursaries are means tested mini. It's about income and assets - you're not excluded just because you generally pronounce your aitches.

And schools are very unlikely to award bursaries to children who are not high achieving.

oh my goodness - you're the poster who was going on about the Perse School in Cambridge (or Stephen Perse - are they one and the same, or different?? sorry - lived in Cambridge 20 years ago briefly!)

Now you've been rumbled, could you spell this all out again using the real names/schools???

so you live in Ipswich where DD is at private school. You're now thinking of moving to Cambridge - where ... bear with me ... your youngest is already at a Perse-type prep school?? So your DD would have to commute to Ipswich then?

Strikes me that the reason you can't work is you're too busy driving all those kids across East Anglia ...?

Please spell it all out now we know where you're at!

MuttersDarkly Mon 09-Feb-15 11:46:49

Wow, I have really enjoyed reading your posts, so beautifully written and informative

Bursars don't care about Ocado.

They do care about maximising income first. And both parents working unless genuinely looking after very old or young relatives.