to move DD from her nice independent school where she has a scholarship because her brother didn't get offered one?

[middleschoolmuddle]

We are not rich but nor are we poor. The school have offered us a 16% bursary for DS - it's not enough.

Would it be mean to move DD to a state school at this stage (Y9)? Has anyone done this?

I can't think straight, my mind is whirring so I'd love some perspective from those of you that have managed to use the local 'good' state schools and pass up the rather nice (best in County) independent one.

And that's the point talkin

A private education can certainly provide the knowledge and the ambition, but without the hard cash to access, a young person will still fall short.

middle

When ds 1 was born we did think about it...for a while we though e would be an only child and although DH earned a lot less than now his prospects were good and I could have gone back to work

We knew we wanted 2 children and before he went to pre school I was pregnant again so we knew we couldn't afford two on DH's wages

We ended up with three children, we live in a very nice area with outstanding primary schools but we did look again for ds1 at senior school level. The advice given to me was that the odds were good that it would be the wrong thing for ds1 at a social level

I would rather send all three as they are about level with ability, we can't afford all three and as the school provision in the area is good and I believe that the support of the parents can be very important we have decided not to

All three were offered private secondary school but all three refused as they didn't want to leave their friendship groups or in ds1's case people he happened to know

Off to read the last 3 pages of the thread

I'm going to admit to only having read half the thread which probably makes my contribution a bit pointless but anyway - if I were in your shoes, I would keep your DD where she is, take up the place for your DS with the current bursary offered and move house. I realise that would be tough on your Ds2, but surely when he wants to go to senior school, he would benefit from the opportunity to go to the same school as his brother and sister, wouldn't he? So the shorter term pain of changing schools now would be offset by the longer term potential gain of going to an excellent senior school.

My parents put themselves through some financial hardship by sending me to a private school; and yet, they were prepared and willing to go further to put my siblings into private school as well if either of them had shown the aptitude or inclination. One had the aptitude but not the inclination, and the other had neither; so my parents were "let off the hook" a little. But I don't doubt that they would have put all of us through if it had been appropriate.

I know you say the town your DD's school is in is not so nice - but you can always move again once their schooling is complete, you know.

Well, since we do live in the vicinity of each other, I would plump for a move that would access the excellent state schools in Cambridge (in an ideal world).

Personally, we have other factors which came into play regarding family & work which makes where we actually chose to live, the compromise.

But...since you are considering a move anyway, I think that you might as well go the whole hog and relocate 'properly' rather than just down the road.

Just to educate the masses here on this thread, the % of pupils achieving 5+ A-C GCSEs from my catchment state secondary is a rather poor 55%. There are not many to choose from because it is a market town (and therein lies the problem!) Compared to the top selective indie in the county, 25 miles away which has 65% of all GCSEs at A/A - quite a large differential!

I wholly sympathise with you but I also agree with others. You may feel that it's sustainable for DD but not for DC2 & 3 without a significant increase in your household income. In theory, it is possible if you secure a job with the requisite salary but I think that you have been trying for a while without much success.

PM me if you would like to meet up for a coffee in town. If it makes you feel better, I don't discuss any educational aspirations with many people in RL. It's a small town and a massive divide in the pro/anti selective education stakes!

Fwiw I think you should probably stop putting yourself and your dh under so much pressure to earn more, and take private schooling off the table fr dcs 2 and 3. You only get one life and you and he need a happy one, as well as grand plans, you'll probably get a job but it's too much to expect a really well paid job to materialize very soon.

As an aside, my DD wanted to go on a school trip to New York. We gave her £200 towards it and said that she would have to fund the rest of it herself. She raised about a third of what she needed by busking for 3 weekends at Christmas time. I'm hoping that a bit more busking will help her through Uni :)

Will she manage to go to New York?

cheeky the other two schools in the town compare more favourably to the Cambridge schools, we are considering the RC one (69%).

House prices in Cambridge are pretty steep and I'm sure there's a pretty big divide in the pro/anti selective education stakes there too. I love the private schools there too much to settle for state I think (but it is something that we are considering).

Dean, she's decided she doesn't want to as her good friend has been told she can't go.

Surely there are more software opportunities in Cambridge? A £60k salary for a specialist software person isn't high, if your DH is good he should be able to bump that up significantly and get a bonus on top. If he's prepared to reduce his work life balance and work in Central London then 6 figures is realistic with bonuses even at a non management level and then you might be able to afford fees.

Oh lord, are you the poster who was debating dragging your youngest on a train/car/scooter to Cambridge from Ipswich way so that IF you got the assessment job he could go to the ex-girls-now-boys-as-well-private-school that sounds confusingly similar to the other ex-boys-now-mixed-private-school?

Life's not getting any simpler, is it, if so? If not, you probably need to meet that poster and share a coffee!

I read that thread and thought 'Thank GOD we can't afford that sort of choice. Sounds knackering.'

I was wondering whether she would have managed to earn the required amount just through busking.

Yet another example of your bonkers logic: you're prepared to increase your burden of debt in order to pay for secondary education, which is provided for free, yet you have no intention of helping your DC to fund their way through university, which is going to burden them with around £30k of debt before they start work themselves

The problem is getting in if you're not RC!

It's all well and good, stating which one you would prefer but which one are you in catchment in right now?

You need to actually decide what you, as a family want to achieve. You're in too much of a flap at the moment.

Living in commutable distance to Cambridge can mean living say outside in a village like Stapleford or Comberton. Yes, lowering your sights propertywise is par for the course - only you can decide what the compromise is.

What's the point of moving just to the local town if nothing else changes and let's face it - you don't actually want any of the state options? DD continues at her indie and presumeably, you're only aiming to cut down the costs of commuting. I wouldn't move in order to "settle for state."

I can see the point of moving to say Cambridge or Ipswich if only for better employment prospects and being closer to your indie schools of preference.

Bird, didn't get the blardy job after all that.

Bugger. Sorry to hear that (though I should have realised it from the rest of the thread really)!

How are your editing skills? Could you pick up £15-20K a year from home that way?

If you put as much energy into job hunting, as you put into arguing the toss on MN, you might be more successful....

OP

I think it's sad the values you are instilling in your kids.

We earn more than double what you do but we didn't even consider private for financial reasons! (There were also social, educational and vaguely political reasons at play too.)

My daughters are grounded, sociable, happy and well eductated at our local state school.

I'm glad they don't think they have to be accountants, lawyers and doctors to pay us back or make their education count or even that these are the only goals to aspire too. I'm glad they don't think they are missing out or getting second rate education - if they did that would be our fault for giving them those ideas.

They do loads of sports, music, drama outside and inside school, they go on great family holidays, we have always encouraged reading and theatre going blah blah blah. What I mean is, all in all in life they get exactly what's being offered by private eductation.

Aspire to not too

Not without experience and lots of bloody hard work! (I am an editor.)

Well, yes, experience and hard work... and a total absence of Mumsnet would make it nearer the higher figure than the lower one, Primal

I'm not sure how unusual you are OP to be considering paying for school fees by increasing your mortgage, but that is exactly what we will be doing if/when DS2 joins his brother at the independent school. We have a similar mortgage by the sound of it - one that you can utilise up to your 'facility' and we will be increasing the usage of that facility while both boys are in secondary school. Originally we were of the view that we couldn't afford private education - and on the basis of monthly income alone, we can't (not for two boys anyway - one yes, but not both). But by taking a longer view, we are viewing our total assets as part of a bigger picture, and we are willing to utilise some of that equity to pay for education, if that's what appears to be the best option for our kids.

Like you, DS1 has secured himself a scholarship, but I doubt that DS2 will get the same - he's just not as academic as his brother. But if he wants to go there, and we think the school is right for him, then we will make it work by extending our mortgage. I don't think that makes us daft, nor does it make private education unaffordable, but I appreciate it is a bit more risky than if we could afford the fees out of income alone.

As a proviso on this, I think we are probably in a stronger position than you, as we have more equity (stupid London property prices) and we are also buy to let landlords - so if all else fails, we could sell one of our buy to let flats to release equity, without having to sell the family house. Also, we could (probably) afford the fees out of income (we both work) but only by giving up our current lifestyle, which neither of us want to do. So although we are planning to fund school fees by increasing our mortgage, that is not our only option - it's just the one we prefer.

Busking to support herself through uni!!

I admire your optimism about the income that would generate for her.