to move DD from her nice independent school where she has a scholarship because her brother didn't get offered one?

[middleschoolmuddle]

We are not rich but nor are we poor. The school have offered us a 16% bursary for DS - it's not enough.

Would it be mean to move DD to a state school at this stage (Y9)? Has anyone done this?

I can't think straight, my mind is whirring so I'd love some perspective from those of you that have managed to use the local 'good' state schools and pass up the rather nice (best in County) independent one.

No, of course they don't, Zero. But they will expect you to make as many personal savings as possible on your own behalf. You can't continue to live on the pig's back while having your child's private school fees waived.

Have you any other savings, investments or assets to use?

O.K - I'm playing Devil's advocate but are you exploring all your options to cut back? Are you in a position to cash in ISA's, sell any shares, raid the children's savings' accounts, or redirect money targeted towards your pensions on top of reducing your children's extra curricular activities and school lunches. Can you spare a room to house a tenant? Would you borrow money from relatives?

Do you value a private education for your children that highly when the bottom line is that you simply can't afford it even for one child? I understand that you have done it for the past few years but you haven't done it out of income at all, you simply added to your mortgage borrowings albeit at a favourable rate of interest.

Another one coming out of the woodwork to say that, you have endured a real rollercoaster of primarily financial related stress regarding your battle for what you perceive to be great schools for your children, none of which you seem to be located near to. I applaud your determination but echo other posters who have already stated it. You can't have it all - life is a compromise. If you REALLY wanted it, you surely would have cut back all the unnecessary expenses and explored realising your only capital asset already in order to fund YOUR dream.

Seriously, beggars can't be choosers! Just take a minimum wage job!

The necessary cultural capital differs depending which group you want to "buy" your way into. Old proper posh still requires stuff like what do you say if someone says how do you do, and how to eat asparagus and what you call the room you pee in. The political classes are still sadly about schools and colleges and clubs. Artistic/media circles? Hmm. They would deny it but that's about universities too- my ds is quite serious when he says he wants to be a stand up comedian so he's going to try to go try to go to Cambridge like all the others!

Another problem is- it's actually quite hard to "buy" into these groups if you weren't born to them. The unwritten rules of the English Establishment are arcane. The best thing I suspect would be to read Stephen Fry's autobiographies and commit them to memory. He is so inordinately proud of where he is they read like a social climbers handbook!

OK, am I the only naif on here wondering what "useful knowledge" the "dominant group" has about getting ahead that the rest of us have failed to grasp?

Yabu to take your dd out when she's happy, settled and going well. Yanbu to find the best school for your ds whetever that's state or private. I'm sure you mentioned somewhere you could afford private if the bursary he was offered was 9 % more and you don't work? If that's right why not just get that 9 % extra by working? Getting a supermarket, cleaning, waitressing job would be that 9 % over the year wouldn't it? or am I being really naive over the price of private schools?

toomanyexams - there is a lot of it

Having cultural capital means you have the skills, credentials, knowledge, taste etc that are shared by a particular group in society

Which is....

FloggingM It may be that you have some information that I don't ... I've never heard of a bursar looking for evidence of "making personal savings" in the way I understand you to mean. A bursary isn't intended to punish the parents.

It's such an intrusive process to go through - I don't believe many people apply if they really don't need to. (Despite MN rumours.) They may visit your house, but they don't go into the day to day details of an obviously modest lifestyle. And the child needs to be able to mix happily with the rest of the school. No-one's expected to turn up in rags with unkempt hair and holes in their shoes ... Nor would they expect a bursary parent to neglect trips to the theatre or the occasional holiday with the child.

This ^^ and it's about knowing what there is to take part in

You have all lost me on this, am just thinking of Made in Chelsea and having the confidence to take part in lots of fancy dress parties, knowing where to get the best costumes from, knowing how a party works et al.

Yes there is a part of cultural capital that involves knowledge of what's on offer and assuming the right to take it

Yep, thinking of Spencer, eying up the next beauty

"cultural capital"
Is the ability to fit into any social group without looking like a tit and being able to save the shoulder chips and shrugs till the privacy of your own home.

Ranging from Buck House Garden party to eating a sarnie in front of the cameras or looking unafraid of either a martini or pint glass.

Having enough knowledge of science, news, literature, arts, business to be able to make a valid contribution or to know when to shut up and nod and smile.

OK, am I the only naif on here wondering what "useful knowledge" the "dominant group" has about getting ahead that the rest of us have failed to grasp?

A very long time ago I married husband 1.0. A poor student. And he was. Just happened to be a poor student whose family were using under funding as a way of getting him back home. Even if that meant he came lugging the ".shop girl" he had married behind everybody's back with him. A family from the most dominant group in his country. With lots of sparkley, "shiney people" friends from Europe and English speaking countries. Who floated around the world being AWESOME and IMPORTANT.

The "useful knowledge" seemed to be who you knew and who was ".one of us". Like they could smell it on each other, or something.

I was out.

It was like feeding a very polite and gracious baby cauliflower purée. They just dribbled me out, no matter how hard Ex H tried to stuff me in.

I developed a knack for very well timed period pains and migraines, and spent what was left of our marriage going out with the mates from my non culturally capitalised world, getting rat arsed and falling off poles. Which was much more fun than wearing itchy clothes and feeling like three week old fish out of water at an Oyster Fest.

It was a long time ago and may be coloured with Extreme Prejdudice cos ... it's not nice to feel "other editors" even politely. But I still wouldn't be keen on chasing entry into that world for DS.

as well as social confidence it's about knowing how certain careers work - it's no coincidence that a lot of academics have kids who become academics, and I'm sure lawyers who's kids become lawyers - can't all just be brains, they grow up with the certain expectations and know how.

Can I just say that I have a job (off to the big smoke tomorrow actually) but it's a short term contract.

I notice no one responded to my previous post asking for tips on how to make money (which we all agree we desperately need).

Now that we've got the movers and shakers on the thread (otherwise known as the global elite), would any of you care to share some of your wisdom?

Here's the post again:

I have been trying to come up with ways to make money. I have skills, I create things and other people make money from those things. How can I turn it around so that I'm the one making the money?

As I've said before, DH is an expert in his field. I've been trying to get him to think of a way that he could 'assestise' (is that even a word?) his expertise that wouldn't flout his work contract.

Thanks!

Well, I must say you have some balls trying to put three kids through private school on 60k, come hell or high water. Im almost impressed, when I'm not busy being flabbergasted.

I am state educated, husband is privately schooled. We do very similar jobs, very similar salaries (mine is lower as I work part time by choice). I often tease him that he hasn't made back the fees in salary yet (although he actually has) and that I have more degrees than him.

We both have much higher salaries than your DH and still we wouldn't dare go down this level of financial commitment unless the money was already in place. Because you never know, something could happen to either or both of us and you've nicely demonstrated how gut wrenching it is to back out once committed. I don't even have kids yet btw

What skills do you have? Gotta give us something to work with.

Mutters, what a story. I take it husband number 2 was more your type.

"Bursaries are means tested mini. It's about income and assets"

The OP has pointed out that 'they're not badly off'. Not rich or poor.

Surely charity money should go to poor people?

I work in education, ex HOD (with a bit of research science in the dim and distant past).

If he's in IT he'do obviously make more money contracting. Can you sell what you make directly, online?

Bursaries going to someone earning 60K?

Seriously?

Disgusting.

Is this why private schools have charitable status? So they can extend charity to someone earning more than double the national average wage?

"I have skills, I create things and other people make money from those things. How can I turn it around so that I'm the one making the money?"

You're going to have to be a little more specific than that if you expect people to be able to suggest ways in which you can make money? I could suggest you become a childminder of instance but that would be pretty useless advice if you don't like children other than your own!

I read that, middle, but you've not actually said what skills you have.

I'm in legal, Gem. I used to take ds to my law lectures with me when he was off nursery and he's grow up around this (and with friends of mine who are barristers and solicitors). He wants to be a barrister so there's some truth in that

There were guest speakers at his careers evening last year. One pretty much said he was offered a job because the boss shared the same hobby as he and had nothing whatsoever to do with his skill.

It was like feeding a very polite and gracious baby cauliflower purée. They just dribbled me out, no matter how hard Ex H tried to stuff me in.

OK, cross-post. If you want to make money, why aren't you working as a teacher? Doing supply? Tutoring? Moving into educational sales?