to move DD from her nice independent school where she has a scholarship because her brother didn't get offered one?

[middleschoolmuddle]

We are not rich but nor are we poor. The school have offered us a 16% bursary for DS - it's not enough.

Would it be mean to move DD to a state school at this stage (Y9)? Has anyone done this?

I can't think straight, my mind is whirring so I'd love some perspective from those of you that have managed to use the local 'good' state schools and pass up the rather nice (best in County) independent one.

Just one more person who thinks you can't afford private school. What help are you going to be able to offer for university? Even if you manage to get a job paying £20-30k, you still can't imo afford private school for your other two ds's. Your dd will be at university in 4-5 years, what then?

Gen
What has University got to do with it?
The child gets the loans, not the parents.

OP - you do have options.

You obviously want DD to stay put and you have already made the decision to add the school fees to your mortgage.

1 - What about extending the mortgage term from 14 yrs to 20yrs?
2 - There are loads of people out there with children on bursaries who have minimum wage jobs. You need to work FT and get a regular salary coming in to offset school fees. I would not hold out for lucrative contracting work if it is proving to be elusive so far. Similarly, your DH has to actively look for a better paid job.
3 - IMO, the easiest solution to pay 2 sets or more of school fees in this scenario is to sell your house and move to a cheaper one to release the equity. Move somewhere to reduce your commute and have better job prospects.

You clearly value and want the best for your children - who doesn't? There are options - don't panic and talk through them with your DH. I do agree with others that you shouldn't discuss the details with your DC - this is not a decision for them although it obviously affects them. This is definitely a case of you cannot have it all but you do have control over some factors - so you just need to decide what your priorities are for your family.

I live in a similarly rural area and we have chosen the state primary followed by indie secondary route. I suspect that we may even live in the same county so I do sympathise.

Mutters, your advice on this thread has been very sound. Are you speaking/writing from experience?

talkin, I have to assume that the OP is a wannabe DM journalist
because she is deluded about

• finance - we have already managed to fund 8 years of private education
• what goes on in state schools - worked in our catchment one
• 6th formers singing for younger pupils at private schools actually at my school we did, but it was Tom Lehrer or Tom Robinson - this was a one off at a function :)

middleschoolmuddle Sun 08-Feb-15 11:56:16
How about this for a plan?

Keep DD where she is and continue to pay the remain fees (18K) from the drawdown.

Keep DS where he is for the next year (Y7) as he can stay there due to school reorganisation. Turn down the offer of a bursary but tell school that we may reapply for a place in Y8 should our financial situation change.

Keep looking for a job and picking up bits of contract work.

Reassess in 1 year.

Perfect plan

Now stop stressing, make the most of the next year. Tell DS he has a year to work hard if he wants a scholarship. It's down to him.

middleschool
you've done 8 : you have 2 + 7 + 9 to go

adding fees to your mortgage is utter madness. Your lender should be reported for letting you as its NOT within the current rules

you worked in one school and that lets you tar all schools - Ha Ha

Yes I know the child can take out oodles of loans for university, I'd rather not pay for something I can get for free (schooling), so I can help them to graduate without a massive amount of debt around their necks.

Gosh I am shocked, I thought MN were against paying for one child and not another?

Sorry you are getting such a hard time OP. You are in such a quandry. In your shoes I would send all of the children to the local good state rather than get yourself up to the eyeballs in debt.

We are not adding fees to our mortgage. We have an approved extension to our mortgage that just sits there until we need it. As we drawdown what we need we increase the amount of our monthly repayments to cover the differential.

gen35
You would be utterly mad to pay your kids fees rather than have them get the loans - you need to read up and follow the advice on the matter and I know of nobody to says to pay up front.

But you haven't funded 8 years of education - you've taken out a loan and will be spending the next 15 years paying it back.

"Gosh I am shocked, I thought MN were against paying for one child and not another?"

MN is loads of individuals, not a unified voice.

And there's a big difference between planning options for your DC's education and striving to give them the same opportunities (and I would agree that's a view with many supporters), and what you do when your financial plans fall apart part way through (OP has said there has been a career change and reduced income).

End year 9 is the absolute latest to move without wrecking GCSEs, btw. And worth double checking if specific schools start any GCSE courses before year 10, in which case if you decide to move it needs to be done asap.

OP, stop being so precious about your blinking cv, get off your proverbial and get any work that you can, to get your kids the education that is right for each of their individual needs.

Please stop discussing your financial problems in such a way that is going to lead to guilt on your daughter's part and resentment on that of the other two.

This thread makes me grateful to live in Scotland.

All the different types of schooling - independent, state, grammar, superselect, 6th form etc etc etc... It makes my head spin slightly.

Catchment, out of catchment and fee-paying is what we contend with here. Whilst we can afford private, we choose to send to local catchment primary and will send to local catchment secondary. Our children have guaranteed places. If we really didn't rate these schools and wanted to stay within the state sector then it would involve a house move to within catchment area of a more attractive school. My children don't seem to be affected in the least by having excellent extra curricular activities not provided by their school.

I don't envy parents who have to consider long commutes, applying for schools with little chance of obtaining a place, having 2nd, 3rd, 4th choice schools. Hot-housing young children for entrance exams. The system seems bonkers and I must admit I'm glad I don't have these issues.

Edingburgh is one of the highest concentration of private-school attending children isn't it?

Really? I'll check it out when they're not tiny, thanks talkin but i'm pretty certain I'll help them with university even if I pay their loans off at the end as a surprise for them. Anyway, thanks for the heads up. I had free university tuition after all.

Dd has hardly met any other state educated people at Edinburgh so far. She was saying she knows more Etonians than state educated!

DD, Y9 fees 2013/2014/2015/2016/2017
DS1,Y6 fees 2016/2017/2018/2019
DS2,Y3 fees 2019/2020/2021/2022/2023

You can see from the above plan that we are never paying for more than 2 sets of fees at once and even then we are only doing that for 3 out of 11 years.

It may be doable if mortgage rates don't escalate and I get a job and DH keeps his.

It's only 'doable' IF you are totally protected from economic reality and don't mind accumulating debt instead of paying it off!

I can't believe you turned down a job. You total twit. You've sahmed for 10 years. You don't have the luxury of being protective of your CV (what a pile of tripe).

Nice food on the lunch menu is a pretty bizarre 'pro', tbh, made even more so by you deciding to give her a packed lunch anyway...

How naive you are!
You are counting on so many things going right for you.
8 years of paying fees you can't afford.
What about university?
Are you going to say to your kids you won't even give them a penny then to help?

You are living in some imaginary world!

School fees are expensive, everyone knows that so you have to make choices. I would never send number one to private school without knowing that I could afford to do the same for the second. If there was a third then it would be unaffordable for all. Many, many people make huge sacrifices to afford private school fees (working 2 jobs, no holidays, old cars etc) so I'm afraid you need to be completely realistic. If you can't afford it, then you can't afford it. And to answer the original question, no way would I move your DD!

Yes, Edinburgh has a high concentration of privately educated children. Frees up the lovely (perfectly good!) local schools for the likes of my kids