to move DD from her nice independent school where she has a scholarship because her brother didn't get offered one?

[middleschoolmuddle]

We are not rich but nor are we poor. The school have offered us a 16% bursary for DS - it's not enough.

Would it be mean to move DD to a state school at this stage (Y9)? Has anyone done this?

I can't think straight, my mind is whirring so I'd love some perspective from those of you that have managed to use the local 'good' state schools and pass up the rather nice (best in County) independent one.

Middleschool, if you are going to move her then I would urge you to do it sooner rather than later. I remember they were all still finding their feet at this point in Year 9 and friendship groups changed in Year 10 once they went into their option groups as they weren't as well cemented as children who start in Year 7.

I don't know if it was just DD'S school but at this point in Year 9 we were attending talks on option choices and the forms hadn't gone in yet - think it was just before Easter.

Re your DS, it sounds as if they have quite a low number taking level 6 Maths. DS is in Year 6 at Middle school and all of the top set will be able to chose if they want to take the Level 6 paper or not.

The big issue is for state school kids who don't have educated, switched on parents who understand how thto system works. Who don't have parents like, dare I say it, all of us on this thread. That's where all the level 6s in year 6 not going on to As at GCSE are. An soon as the incredibly focussed Attention they were getting in primary school is taken away, there isn't the family support they need to carry on.......

Not sure whether it's just a strong cohort - she's only year 7.

For 2014 gcses, 40% who sat the H gcse got A or A. 99.1% got A - C.
Of the girls who sat the F gcse, 40% got A* - C.

I'm not sure what the difference is between H and F. Not sure what things will look like when it all changes.

I would assume that all the girls in her top set, so 28-30 girls, would definitely be predicted an A, along with a large number from set 2 and beyond. My understanding is that sets 1 and 2 are actually broadly similar in terms of year 7 baselines and what they tested at in the first half term before setting, also taking into CAT info re: aptitude.

I may be wrong! I'm only really going on dd and what her teachers have said about her, and what she's told me about the setting and so on. She's in the top set, being stretched but with attainable targets.

We are lucky here op, in that there isn't really grammar/comp complication and most of the comps will have a reasonable spread of abilities given that they tend to be 8 or 10 form entry schools taking children from maybe 40 primaries. I knew it's a different set up where you are, and I don't envy you the should we/shouldn't we dilemma, particularly given your dd is settled where she is.

I think my gut feeling would be to keep her where she is, but maybe go for the option in your first post of moving closer to your ds's school in order to make the journey a bonus for him. I don't know - tricky one!

I have to assume that the OP is a wannabe DM journalist
because she is deluded about

• finance
• what goes on in state schools
• 6th formers singing for younger pupils at private schools actually at my school we did, but it was Tom Lehrer or Tom Robinson

pooka 40% A/A* at GCSE is not bad.

But you need to drill down into how many actually Got an A*.

And what the pupils then went on to achieve at A level.

If there is a very able cohort, then a decent school should be turning this into top grades. And ambitious leavers destinations etc

talkin .

Actually, I think OP is quote typical of many middle class people in the UK; high on aspiration, low on the pretty green.

WordFactory lets not pretend that a child who has had years at a good private school, educated parents, lives in a half million pound house is at some tragic disadvantage.

My DD has a disabled father, she has never known him as a wage earner. She is mixed race, she has one parent who is an immigrant and one who is the child of immigrants. I left school at 15. She got into a university that is regularly in the top 3 for her subject.

I think the OPs daughter will cope.

As an aside her school nominated her for some widening access programme at Oxford, apparently she wasn't eligible. Not quite sure what would qualify her to be honest. Although interestingly another girl from her school went, her parents were university educated English rather middle class so not sure what sort of widening access she was qualified for. Maybe they mixed them up?

I am very proud of her, you might have guessed. Maybe she would have achieved more if we could have paid for a private school but when I think of my father arriving in this country as a teenager without one penny to his name I can't help feeling she hasn't done badly.

I know that the area I live in is deeply weird - full of naice leafy comps - but the flow of kids between state and private schools is pretty constant and not a source of comment.
The kids are slotted into the appropriate set and just get on with life.
Some of the kids at the state schools have family disposable incomes well into six figures per year after all.

Surely the money you'd save on private school would pay for no end of private swimming/music tuition and extra curricular clubs....

Word, do you really believe that a private education (of whatever quality) in and of itself, without regard to a child's background, parental aspirations and support, access to extra curricular stuff, etc., bestows an advantage which is forever denied to state educated kids?

Not wanting to get a job is now "protective of my CV".

I have heard it all now.

flogging I think some private schools provide an education that will always be an advantage and can't be replicated in the state.

Not enough cash or freedom in the later.

That said, I think for many of the DC in the private system it isn't just the education in itself that gives the advantage; it's the parents' cash. Or perhaps a slippery mixture that we can't really pick apart.

I say this as a state schooled pupil who ended up at Oxbridge.

we haven't been consciously keeping our income low. Maximising income is an interesting concept.

It's not just not maximising income. There has been a deliberate lowering of it. By taking a pay cut and "protecting your CV". In the face of high additional costs in the form of fees. Costs that stand/stood to grow given that there are three children to get through compulsory education. And then uni ?

Sometimes we do stuff becuase we know what we don't want. But don't know how to make that happen. It's not always easy to say that we feel like we are drowning, and former priorities now feel like a concrete life jacket.

With your DH both "growing weary", having taken a pay cut and "protecting your CV" it might be worth asking yourself what extent he is possibly trying to create a superficially "by accident rather than design" set of circumstances that forces the issue and take spiralling fees off the table altogether.

Maybe sitting down, not to talk, but to really listen (and giving him an overt green light to put on the table what he feels is the cost/benefit of private schooling for the family on every level) might be a place to start before making any ".how can we swing this " plans ?

This might be redundant. Maybe when you talk about what you think/want/value/prioritise you mean both of you, now that he's had a chance to sleep on it. It's just... he doesn't get much of a mention in the way that you and the kids do. But the whole caboodle basically falls or stands based on his ability and willingness to keep on bringing in the salary needed to pay the increasing mortgage payments that are keep the education choices afloat for the time being.

IF (and it's an admittedly Very Big If, because it is almost impossible for outsiders to know what a 3rd party is thinking/feeling in this format, especially when there are only a few minor references to them), there is any chance he is feeling a bit "concrete life jacket" about your earlier education choices it really is worth getting it out in the open sooner rather than later. Because if there is any "flailing quietly under water" going on the whole family tends to get drenched in life rain when it abruptly stops being a secret due to self sabotage or the throwing in of towels when it all gets too much for any more pretence.

Fair enough, Word. I don't agree though. Speaking as someone who turned down a 100% scholarship for our eldest when we got our choice of leafy comp. The results happen to be far better, too.
Hopefully she'll end up at Oxbridge too; without feeling too much out of her depth.

I think you need to decide exactly how important private school is to you.

By my quick sums (8.5 / 0.6 * 5) the cost of the private school for years 7 - 11 is in the region of £75k per child. So £150k for your two youngest plus an extra £18k for your eldest to finish off.

That doesn't include any future scholarships or the bursary (as you are not sure that you will get it if you get a job.)

You have about £300k of equity in your house.

So you could sell your house, downsize (preferably nice and close to the private school to stop the expensive commuting) to a house worth £300k, get a mortgage of £150k (that you claim you can afford) and use that other £150k for the school fees all your kids.

The downside is obviously a much less nice house and the loss of the security of £300k equity. (Although you'll still have £150k so hardly poorhouse material.)

It really depends what matters most to you.

Alternatively, your dh could try to go back to the old, less family friendly job that pays more and you could take any job you can get even if it is not great for the CV or means working for the old fashioned academic.

Mumoftwoyoungkids

That has been suggested, but it seems that op would like to just pontificate rather than actually sit down and work out figures to solve the problem.....

Tomorrow am going to tell my boss that I can't do this week's assigned work as I have decided to be "protective of my CV"

Once again muttersdarkly talks a lot of sense.

For most parents when they decide to send their DC to private school, they know that this will require a certain sacrifice.

Either that would be both parents working when perhaps ideally one of them would like to SAH. Or if that is not the case and only one parent works then generally he or she would push themselves as hard as they can to generate maximum revenue as the sole earner, whilst the SAHP would support this through looking after house and DCs so they could do the hours needed.

It is interesting that your DH isn't pushing you towards a job. I had thought maybe it was because he feels you shouldn't have to be working and it would all be ok if only he could earn a bit more, but I suspect mutters has it right. If you get a decently paid job then what's to stop the thoughts that if DS1 goes private, then surely there should be enough in the coffers to support DS2 doing it as well. Meanwhile DD needs funding through uni, and if they all go to uni, then they could require more money for at least the next 10-12 years.

I would imagine that you're both early forties from the age of your DCs. That's when you should be at your maximum earning potential, but yet here you are racking extra costs onto your mortgage. DH and I are mid forties and our plan is to pay our mortgage off within 10 years.

It's very noble to want to do the best for your DCs, but you also need to think about your own retirement plans and factor these into your considerations. Oh and I wouldn't bank on there being a state pension when you retire.

OP
You want your DH to have a job with a better work-life balance so he can help with drop offs.
You don't want to work to "protect your CV".
You decline places at super selective schools.
You enter your children for selective fee paying schools you know you cannot afford.
Your children "know" they "prefer" a selective environment.
You primary child is unhappy with what's currently on offer to him.
And one of the reasons you prefer the private school is civilized lunches.

You are 100% bonkers.

I may be being dense and HRTFT, but why can't your children go to different schools? Why should your daughter be wrenched away from her school just because your son isn't going to be going there? Why not send him to the local school?

Ditto the above poster, you're entirely bonkers. I'm still struggling to get over a year 3 child knowing that they prefer a private school. In year 3 mine didn't have an opinion much beyond knowing that they preferred playtime to spelling tests

Does "H" mean "have" or "havent"?

If you have read the thread duchesse then you may want to ask whether dense is the most flattering look this Spring.

If you have not read the thread you really, really need to. Or perhaps wonder why none of the 373 posts above have had the perspicacity to nail the subject in your admirable fashion.

Haven't, haven't, haven't ...

(Was protecting my fingers.)

Sort of a propos but not really.

The lunch menu at DS's naice private school is shocking - they dish up chips twice a week, once under guise of calling them saute potatoes, and about once a month they have the Scottish aberration of double carbs with Pizza & chips. No national guidelines around 5 a day or restrictions on salt or sugar content as my friends DDs have in their state school.

I don't think anyone sings to them either. Perhaps I should be asking for my money back....