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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

sisters have dropped hints that I will be cut out of parents will as I see them less

155 replies

entiledornot · 07/02/2015 21:03

I happen to live 200 miles away from my parents, that's just how it ended up with work and my partner.

My two sisters still live in the same city (Oxford) and they do constantly go back and fawn over my parents often sending their dhs to help fix things around the house.

I'm only back a couple of times a year and do not fawn over them. Sister was discussing how much parents house had gone up in value and when I said great, she replied "well that's if you get any, seeing as you left them and rarely help out"

Aibu to think that I should still stand to inherit 1/3? The sums we are talking about are pretty large tbf.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 07/02/2015 21:07

I think it sounds pretty unpleasant for both of you to be discussing this while your parents are still alive.

cleanandclothed · 07/02/2015 21:07

Your parents can leave what they like to whom they like. And rewrite their wills as often as they wish.

Unless they need care, proximity needn't make that much difference. You can always call, text or Skype. Do you?

helenthemadex · 07/02/2015 21:12

you both sound vile and grabby, i hope they leave it all to charity Biscuit

PizzaLegs23 · 07/02/2015 21:14

Agree with first and third comments. What a horrible, horrible discussion. Shame on you all.

PizzaLegs23 · 07/02/2015 21:14

"You all" being you and your sisters, not the other posters!

Original poster
entiledornot · 07/02/2015 21:18

I see what your saying, but it didn't just come up like that i cut right to the chase in my op. The topic came up naturally in conversation. I'm not grabby at all. No mention of gifts on my wedding invites. Its just logically that we will all die at some point, and parents will usually die before children. We are talking about huge sums, but tbh its the sentiment that would hurt me more even if the inheritance was 1 pound and I got nothing. If that makes sense

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 07/02/2015 21:18

How lovely of you all. Guess you hope your parents die when the property prices are at their highest?

DoJo · 07/02/2015 21:18

Aibu to think that I should still stand to inherit 1/3?

YABU to think you should inherit anything. If you think that your sisters helping your parents out is 'fawning' and they think that you should spend more time with them to 'earn' your inheritance, then I hope your parents spend the lot and have a lovely time.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 07/02/2015 21:18

Your post is worded in a peculiarly cold manner. 'Fawn all over'? What does this mean? Your parents aren't obliged to leave anything to any of you. What they choose to do with their property is their choice. Who discusses these things while their parents are still alive anyway?? What if your parents end up in a care home and the house has to be sold to pay the considerable fees?

TendonQueen · 07/02/2015 21:18

I do sympathise with the difficulties of living at a distance from family, but the phrase 'fawning over them' makes it sound as if you don't actually want to be pleasant to your parents, and your words about still standing to inherit make you sound like the money is the most important thing. Is there a backstory or can you really just not be arsed with them?

FATEdestiny · 07/02/2015 21:19

What an offence turn of phrase "to fawn over" is in this instance.

I assume you mean be kind and helpful to your parents? Hmm

DandyHighwayman · 07/02/2015 21:19

Why is helping with your parents' house maintenance fawning?

MrsSquirrel · 07/02/2015 21:20

YABU it's not up to you or your sister to decide. Your parents can write their wills any way they like.
Sounds like you are all hanging around waiting for them to snuff it. Hmm

ExitPursuedByABear · 07/02/2015 21:21

I live 200 yards from Dad and see him every day. Do his shopping. Change his bed. Bake him cakes. My brother lives thousands of miles away. Forgets to phone him. Sees him every couple of years.

He will get half of everything when Dad dies.

Kvetch15 · 07/02/2015 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Viviennemary · 07/02/2015 21:22

It's up to your parents who they leave their property and money too. And it is a bit off that you are discussing with your sister the terms of the will while your parents are still alive. Helping out elderly parents is what most people do.

DandyHighwayman · 07/02/2015 21:23

And of course your parents can and should disperse their estate as they see fit.

Just because you are a product of their union does not mean you should profit.

quietlysuggests · 07/02/2015 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 07/02/2015 21:26

You're only a couple of hundred miles away & only manage a couple of times a year?

I'm in another country & manage that!!

"Aibu to think that I should still stand to inherit 1/3?"

YABU.

But your parents will probably leave their estate equally, is there any reason to think otherwise?

Clearly your sister thinks that you should get less, but it's not her decision.

Canyouforgiveher · 07/02/2015 21:26

Your parents can leave their money to whoever they want. I suspect your sister was trying to tell you that you act like you have little interest in your parents, keep up just a basic relationship with them, don't ever offer to help them in any way and she and your other sister think you should try to stay in touch more.

Whether you are wrong or right, your describing your sisters calling to your parents and helping them out occasionally as "fawning" is bizarre. A lot of families stay in touch, call regularly and help each other out. They aren't fawning and aren't angling for an inheritance - just being family. You obviously have a different view of parent/adult child relationships to your 2 sisters.

I live thousands of miles away from my family. My one sibling did all of the major caring for our elderly parents. their estate was split between us. But I visited more than twice a year, had them to stay with me whenever possible (including travelling over and back with them), called every day, helped out financially to get jobs done where I could, was appreciative of all my sister did and tried to support her as much as I could. Not so I could share in the estate but because I loved my parents.

rinabean · 07/02/2015 21:26

OP's saying that about her sisters because they're nasty people (not that I know OP and can vouch for her, but her sisters certainly sound awful) - like the first thing they can think of is "who gets the money" and "I should pretend to be nice to my parents (in a smothering way) to get that money and I'll fight my sisters for it"

Do you all not know people like that? I do and I'm bloody glad none of my siblings are that way. It's so cold and greedy and calculating and just horrible

rinabean · 07/02/2015 21:28

Like who finds out how much their parents' house is worth and how that has changed and brings it up in conversation? And who does that for the sake of being rude about their sister???

InteriorsMum · 07/02/2015 21:28

I get exactly what the op is saying when she says "fawning". Sounds like it was the sister that brought up the subject so sounds like sister is the grabby one and "sucking up" to parents specifically to ensure her share of the inheritance is safely in hand!

duckbilled · 07/02/2015 21:29

I think it's vile of both of you to be discussing this when your parents are still here! I hope they leave it all to a donkey sanctuary....

sanfairyanne · 07/02/2015 21:29

nothing wrong with openness. have you spoken to your parents? but perhaps your sister is really trying to ask you to visit/phone more as your parents miss you?