Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

sisters have dropped hints that I will be cut out of parents will as I see them less

155 replies

entiledornot · 07/02/2015 21:03

I happen to live 200 miles away from my parents, that's just how it ended up with work and my partner.

My two sisters still live in the same city (Oxford) and they do constantly go back and fawn over my parents often sending their dhs to help fix things around the house.

I'm only back a couple of times a year and do not fawn over them. Sister was discussing how much parents house had gone up in value and when I said great, she replied "well that's if you get any, seeing as you left them and rarely help out"

Aibu to think that I should still stand to inherit 1/3? The sums we are talking about are pretty large tbf.

OP posts:
diddl · 07/02/2015 21:29

"OP's saying that about her sisters because they're nasty people (not that I know OP and can vouch for her, but her sisters certainly sound awful)"

But OP doesn't sound that fantastic if all she thinks of is ££££s when she hears that the value of her parents house has increased!

crispycookie · 07/02/2015 21:31

I live thousand of miles from my parents... My brother lives with them, he is single and it's customary for a child to live with their parents till they get married. He helps them invest their money, sorts out their health insurance etc. I am very grateful he is there as I worry less as they get older and they love having one of their children near them to fawn over!They are loaded through being prudent and good investments. They could pay off my mortgage tomorrow (I'm a single parent and money is always a worry!). But if they choose to leave everything to my brother tomorrow, good on him, he deserves every penny. He's done so much for them. I couldn't live under the same roof as my parents however much I love them!

crispycookie · 07/02/2015 21:34

So YABU! Your parents cab leave their money to whoever they want and if they choose to leave more to your sisters because they have helped out more, so what? They probably deserve it!

MissBattleaxe · 07/02/2015 21:36

OP- if you live far away- how do you keep in touch with them? or do you use distance as a reason not to keep in touch so much?

In other words you could live far away because of circumstance but you could ring several times a week, send them photos , Skype them, write to them, email them and visit them. OR you could be saying "well I live far away and that's that so I just see them once a year.

Which kind are you?

LovesBooks · 07/02/2015 21:38

This has really made me angry.

My father died when I was 10 years old. He lost his battle with cancer and missed school events, prom, the first boyfriend and his first grandson. Coming on here reading a thread of someone who by her own admission does next to nothing for her parents, hardly sees them and yet is more concerned of her inheritance is just wrong. Why don't you spend your time near your parents, with your parents, not discussing their money. Hope they give it away!

IKnewYou · 07/02/2015 21:39

OP, I don't think its the least bit unreasonable to wonder about inheritances - suggestions by other posters that thinking about inheritances must mean you want your parents dead are ridiculous and offensive. It's a bit Confused that some posters are critisizing you for 'discussing' the will when you clearly weren't!

Unfortunately, unless your parents are the type to discuss this type of thing it's impossible to ask about it without seeming grabby ( favourite MN word)

It's not possible to know what your parents will do, you are in a far better position to guess than random MN'ers. I imagine most parents divide will equally.

My parents have told my siblings and I that we will all get equal shares and my adult children have been told the same.

If I were you I would ignore your sister, she sounds like she is stirring and wait and see what happens. I certainly wouldn't start behaving differently towards my parents in the hope of being kept in the will.

I don't think you will get many constructive comments on this thread. I'd probably hide it if I were you

Original poster
entiledornot · 07/02/2015 21:43

I really couldn't see them much more, dh family are abroad and I work full time with only 20 days a year. So we really just don't have the time to see either of our families as much as we would like to. I bought my parents an iPad last year and we have been using that to stay in touch when we can.

I say fawn as I see them deliberately doing it with dollar signs in their eyes. No way would I go down to their level, but I do feel cheated .

OP posts:
fadingfast · 07/02/2015 21:45

You sound a bit like my sister in law, who accuses DH (her brother) of being a 'martyr' for arranging and doing all the care for his mum. MIL now lives near to us, and neither of us would necessarily choose to be in this position but we do what we can because it's the right thing to do. It's bloody hard at times, not least because she has dementia.
My point is that to care for family is not fawning, and most normal people do it because it is necessary and because they recognise what their parents did for them. Who knows what will be left anyway? You might need to spend whatever money there is on the cost of care. To talk about it in terms of an entitlement, when you don't even seem to like them very much, is in very poor taste.

LovesBooks · 07/02/2015 21:45

But why does it matter? It's money, it does not mean anything. If your parents felt the need to cut you out of their will surely your concern should be finding out why your relationship has gone that way rather than worrying or feeling cheated about money. It's your parents and how they feel about you that is more important than their money.

diddl · 07/02/2015 21:46

how much holiday do you use to see your ILs?

There are also weekends!

we are abroad & visit parents separately.

PekeandPollicle · 07/02/2015 21:47

But you don't know that you've been 'cheated' out of anything - you've had a slightly snarky conversation with your sister and seen articles about house prices in oxford.

How about you talk to your parents?

Viviennemary · 07/02/2015 21:51

I totally disagree with speaking to your parents and asking them what their intentions were. If somebody did that to me I'd make sure my favourite charity got the lot.

Sparklingbrook · 07/02/2015 21:52

I hope they leave it all to the Cats' Protection I think.

diddl · 07/02/2015 21:52

"But you don't know that you've been 'cheated' out of anything "

exactly so!

And if your parents choose to leave more to the sisters who have stayed close & helped, so what?

Caronaim · 07/02/2015 21:53

No, you shouldn't inherit a third, or anything. If your parents choose to leave you something, that is up to them, but you are not automatically entitled to anything at all.

i agree with the other posters. The way you say "fawning" is very nasty. It sounds like your sisters love and care for your parents, and you utterly despise them for it.

TendonQueen · 07/02/2015 21:54

What has your DP's family living abroad got to do with anything? That shouldn't dictate how often you see yours. Does your DP not want to go since he can't see his very often? Do you not want to go alone?

Same with only 20 days' holiday. Do you routinely work weekends? In theory, even with little holiday you could go one weekend in every month if you really wanted to see them more.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 07/02/2015 21:55

People who discuss the contents of their wills with others need a good slap.

Children who discuss the hypothetical contents of their parents' wills should be horse-whipped.

I sincerely hope the OP's parents sell their valuable house and spend the proceeds on luxury cruises, dying with only their last fiver clutched in their hands. Preferably on a nice sunny beach far, far away from their grabby children

Original poster
entiledornot · 07/02/2015 21:57

Utterly despise ?!?! Wtf Confused

Hides thread.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 07/02/2015 21:59

Op hides own thread. Confused

IKnewYou · 07/02/2015 22:01

OP - I don't blame you for hiding the thread there are some ridiculous and very unpleasant responses on the thread.

I read the bit where you said that it wasn't even about the money but that you would be hurt by the sentiment if you weren't to receive any inheritance. Clearly other posters have preferred to ignore that and make up their own story. Confused

Sparklingbrook · 07/02/2015 22:08

I don't get the assumption there will be any inheritance though. For anyone.

sanfairyanne · 07/02/2015 22:12

we talk about wills openly - why not?

Hamiltoes · 07/02/2015 22:30

Similar situation..

My lovely, adorable grandmother gave each of her 4 grandchildren a small amount of money as "she wanted us to have the best start in life". She has always been what i'd consider working class so I'm not talking house deposits here, just a little something to start saving. All of us are very early to mid twenties. My brother and I, the two youngest did as she wished and saved every penny towards a small flat each (small flats less than £75k in our area). Two cousins were offered by aunt to have their money doubled to put it towards a flat, both went to ibiza and drank it. Grandmother pretty upset about it, as it was supposed to be a small gesture at setting us up for a good start in life.

Brother and I slightly bitter about it but that is their prerogative. We frequently go down and visit, take her to breakfast, he does any DIY, painting, heavy lifting she needs. Either of us will go to the shops with her at least once a week so shes not struggling. I phone her daily, he bought his flat across the road so would be close if she ever needed him.

Over the next year or so health rapidly deteriorated. I'm talking multiple hospital visits, brother was phoned in the early hours of the morning as she'd had a stroke. The list goes on. Cousins have not even so much as phoned to see how she is keeping, never mind visited. They both drive and unlike us have no children so really no excuse at all.

We don't do it for an inheritance, christ I don't even know if she has any assets at all! We do it because we both love her dearly and want to be close to make sure she never wants for anything. But, if she did have anything to leave us then i'd never resent her for splitting it between the 4 of us, but I sure as hell would be bitter towards them considering they never bothered their arses about her while she was alive but will quite happily spend her money when she goes!

So yes, although you and sisters are crass to be talking about inheriting in the first place, I think your sister may be on to something.

HappyGirlNow · 07/02/2015 22:42

You sound a bit of a dick tbh OP. Hth. Horrible discussion.

DoJo · 07/02/2015 22:48

we talk about wills openly - why not?

It depends whose will you are talking about though, surely? Talking about your own will to those who will be affected by it (or indeed anyone you want) - fine. Talking about someone else's will and discussing who 'should' get what - not so much.