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Original poster

to think school assembly songs are hilarious now?

173 replies

DamFineBeaver · 06/02/2015 10:11

Infant school assemblies are like Nuremburg rallies, everyone punching the air in unison and going for their Goal.

In the juniors, they sing rousing renditions of songs about Internet Safety.

Now, even as a staunch atheist, I can see the appeal of All things Bright and Beautiful.

OP posts:
Marshy · 06/02/2015 18:22

From ghoulies and ghosties and long-legged beasties may the good Lord deliver us, amen.

That was a favourite end of the day prayer when I was in juniors, a lot of years ago now!

My two teens still giggle over a favorite line in one memorable hymn...'I was cold, I was naked, were you there, were you there. I was cold, I was naked were you there'. Rather a serious vicar conducted the assemblies at their C of E school. You can imagine the effect of that line on yr 6!

Marshy · 06/02/2015 18:29

loveteaching just saw your post about being cold and naked!

We sometimes sing that line in the car even though my two are 17 and 19 Grin

Tanith · 06/02/2015 18:32

DS's school had all the juniors singing the Leavers Song to the leavers at their last prizegiving. I'm not usually emotional, but

I remember loving Far Round The World at school.
I also remember one at infant school that began:
At half past 3 we go home to tea
Or maybe a quarter to 4...

DH often sings
Mr. Pringle: let's make everything tidy
He swears it warped him Smile
He also sings "A Mother's work is never done; in fact it's never started!"

We were at primaries in the late 70s, though.

Tanith · 06/02/2015 18:40

Oh, and I remember us all being told off for singing Morning Has Broken like Cat Stevens (who'd recently been in the charts with his version) ??

amigababy · 06/02/2015 18:42

One More Step is all well and good till they get to Y6, then its tears all round at leavers assembly.

Anyone remember "Most highly flavored gravy" (favoured lady!) at Christmas?
Gloooooo-riaaaaahh!

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 06/02/2015 18:51

My favourite.

  1. I have seen the golden sunshine,
I have watched the flowers grow, I have listened to the song birds and there's one thing now I know: they were all put there for us to share by someone so divine, and if you're a friend of Jesus, (clap x 4) you're a friend of mine.

Chorus (with clapping):
I've seen the light, I've seen the light,
and that's why my heart sings.
I've known the joy, I've known the joy
that loving Jesus brings.

1.I have seen the morning sunshine,
I have heard the oceans roar,
I have seen the flowers of springtime,
and there's one thing I am sure:
they were all put there for us to share
by someone so divine,
and if you're a friend of Jesus, (clap x 4)
you're a friend of mine.

I've seen the light, I've seen the light,
and that's why my heart sings.
I've known the joy, I've known the joy
that loving Jesus brings.

ilovesooty · 06/02/2015 18:52

The Ink is Black is actually called "Black and White" and I'm pretty sure it wasn't by Three Dog Night but by Greyhound.

ClashCityRocker · 06/02/2015 18:56

We sang a song called the golden cockerel.

It went:

The golden COCK eral grows in the morning,
Wake up children, welcome the day.

And we had one about pots and pots and pots and pots of jelly and jam for harvest festival.

winewolfhowls · 06/02/2015 19:04

I am the Lord of the damn settee (lord of the dance)

Sniggers at (i was cold i was naked were you there were you there?)

One that went 'thankyou Lord for this new day, right were we are)

Autumn days was mumble mumble until everyone belted out 'and the taste of apple pie'

winewolfhowls · 06/02/2015 19:07

Oh! I remember the water of life song!

All of these hymns were in a blue booklety thing called come and praise i think

BertieBotts · 06/02/2015 19:37

I started this thread feeling disappointed at not hearing the hilarious new songs as we are not in England any more but now I think I'm glad Grin

How sad that schools don't have teachers playing a badly tuned and dusty old piano any more! DS' kindergarten here have a guitar which the teachers take out and strum on at the slightest excuse, it's great Grin Candle lit lantern walk in the park with guitar songs, anyone?

We used to have a song written by a teacher, which went on about how we'd had the stone age and the ice age and all of that and now we were in "the age of the chip!" They meant computer chips (it was the 90s) but I didn't know that and thought it was about potato chips Blush

When DH was five he wrote a song. The school adopted it as their school song, and made everyone sing this annoyingly twee song about being friends forever. MIL played the ancient tape to me proudly when we got engaged. I couldn't hear a thing, the tape was so old!

Poor DH was beaten up every day of his primary school life because the song was "gay" :(

budgiegirl · 06/02/2015 19:38

Wow, this thread is bringing it all back! I'd forgotten a lot of the songs I loved.

This was my favourite

There are hundreds of sparrows, thousands, millions,
They're two a penny, far too many there must be;
There are hundreds and thousands, millions of sparrows,
But God knows every one and God knows me.
2.
There are hundreds of flowers, thousands, millions,
And flowers fair the meadows wear for all to see;
There are hundreds and thousands, millions of flowers,
But God knows every one and God knows me.
3.
There are hundreds of planets, thousands, millions,
Way out in space each has a place by God's decree;
There are hundreds and thousands, millions of planets,
But God knows every one and God knows me.
4.
There are hundreds of children, thousands, millions,
And yet their names are written on God's memory;
There are hundreds and thousands, millions of children,
But God knows every one and God knows me.

BertieBotts · 06/02/2015 19:53

And we had a music teacher who was obsessed with the song Watermelon Man. Maybe it was her who wrote the age of the chip song.

spanieleyes · 06/02/2015 19:58

I'm currently teaching my school "Lord of All Hopefullness, Lord of All Joy!" and not ne of them knows it! "Daisies are our silver" could be next!!

JammyGem · 06/02/2015 20:47

Ooh this thread had brought back some good memories.

I wonder if any of you would be able to help me - I've been trying to find out about it for years and got nowhere - we used to have recordings played at assembly with different themes and there would be a few of these hymns sung throughout, it was using a green hymn book with a lighter green circle on the front. I vaguely remember it having something to do with the BBC but that may be my memory playing tricks on me. Anyone else remember this from the early 90s?

Carltondance · 06/02/2015 20:56

School rules song here plus many other assembly classics

www.outoftheark.co.uk/songs-for-every-assembly.html?category_id=193

Willferrellisactuallykindahot · 06/02/2015 21:38

Yep, I'm a teacher and we do a lot of these:

School rules song - always accompanied by 350 kids bobbing up and down to the music which makes it even more bizarre.

Autumn days - the year 6's always mumble through the whole song and then literally scream the line 'and a win for my home team' bursting my eardrums in the process. Same with the 'HEY' bit of Wake Up. Hilarious Hmm

There is also one called 'The Bell of Creation' which is soooooo slow and it goes 'swing bell over the land, swing bell over the sea, the bell of creation is swinging forever......zzzzzzzzz.......'

We also do the writing new lyrics to a pop song thing, sorry about that, it's fun!

INeedEvidenceMum · 06/02/2015 22:31

Piperls I remember that one too. At this time of year, every time I see a snow drop I find myself singing 'Snowdrop, snowdrop, little drop of snow, what do you do when the cold wind blows' ?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 06/02/2015 22:36

I just played a snippet of The School Rules Song - that is priceless! Grin

thegreylady · 06/02/2015 22:56

Do you remember the action one?
Who made the monkeys in the jungle?(jump up and down scratching armpits)
Who made the fishes in the sea...glob glob glob?
Who made the whole wide universe ( big circle with arms)? And who made me (point to self)

J E S U S (spelt out)
YES (shouted)

He made the monkeys in the jungle...
Repeat all lines and actions substituting He for Who.

A great favourite when I taught primary :)

awfulomission · 07/02/2015 00:00

Shit. I just watched that 'Autumn Days' video. Now I have to go to bed.

but not for long as I'll be waking up screaming in approx 3 hours

Welliesandpyjamas · 07/02/2015 09:10

Great thread. Perfect for sat morning breakfast in bed

Some of the songs sound hilarious Grin

When I was in primary our headmaster used to have us singing all morning every day in the run up to the Christmas carol service, obsessively making us repeat all the lines to perfection, with all of us getting more and more weary and hungry as the dinnertime smells started coming out of the school kitchen! I remember one boy fainted once! Schoolwork was clearly less important than getting us perfectly in tune with perfect expression in every carol Grin wouldn't happen these days when every second counts in the classroom! Mind you, a LOT of people from my old primary still sing in choirs. And I can't resist joining in with Christmas carols!

HangingBasketCase · 07/02/2015 10:35

Please listen to the Lunchtime Queue if you think that behaviour song is bad, I remember the first time I heard it. It was a proper "What the fuck?" Moment.

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 07/02/2015 11:48

I sang the school rules sing in the mid nineties. You sing the chorus over and over again, getting faster and faster and finish with a loud 'HEY'! It is a bit strange now I come to think about the words though...

We had the blue and green Come and Praises too.

We also had a made-up songs, whenever teachers left they'd have a song with the lyrics altered to be about them.

Oh, and a very sweet little verse to Father Christmas that I still sing under my breath to myself on Christmas Eve Blush

morningtoncrescent62 · 07/02/2015 15:54

amigababy, we did the one about the highly-flavoured gravy too. Only I used to think it was most highly-flavoured Lady Gloria. I wondered who Lady Gloria was.

Back in the Middle Ages early 70s when I was at primary school we only had the special children's hymns (Daisies Are Our Silver, When a Knight Won His Spurs etc.) in infant assembly. Which took place in a classroom - the top infants sat on tables pushed to the back of the room in a semi-circle, the middle infants on chairs directly in front of them, and the 'babies' as they were known on the floor. I'd completely forgotten that until this thread. Then when we went up to the juniors we had a proper hymn book with ordinary hymns in it for junior assembly. I remember loving Jerusalem, St Patrick's Breastplate and I Vow to Thee my Country. We might not have understood much of what we were singing, but the tunes were great.

We also had singing in the classroom with radio programmes - Time and Tune in the lower juniors, and Singing Together in the upper. Now that's a whole new thread!