to think school assembly songs are hilarious now?

[DamFineBeaver]

Infant school assemblies are like Nuremburg rallies, everyone punching the air in unison and going for their Goal.

In the juniors, they sing rousing renditions of songs about Internet Safety.

Now, even as a staunch atheist, I can see the appeal of All things Bright and Beautiful.

Make me a sandwich of your peas (make me a channel of your peace) was a favourite in my school. Christmas was brilliant what with Good King Wenceleslas falling out of his bedroom window, we three kings of orient are, one on a motorbike one in a car, one on a scooter peeping his hooter etc and my all time favourite 'whilst shepherds washed their socks by night'.

I never was destined for religion.

Very sinister Bird and just the sort of thing that I descend into angst over!

One on a scooter peeping his hooter and...? How does it end? I've never heard that version before

We had we three kings of Leicester Square

Our school is also a big fan of kumaya

We used to have a teacher who ran a choir club and they were brilliant and did loads of pop songs that the children loves. The Head seems to have to make everything so earnest and worthy, it the choir club just used to belt out One Direction

I love the Christmas assemblies - aWAY in a MANger no crib for a BED!

DS's school don't sing songs, just a happy birthday song to all the birthday children.

I LOVE their school assemblies, I remember assemblies being your very dull head teacher preaching about something pretty irrelevant to children but DS's assemblies are just about praising the work they've been doing and recognising their achievements.
They start by telling them that they've got the best school in the area, one class will do a little play and share what they've learnt that week. Then they do the birthday song, birthday kids come up and get a sticker. They give out head teachers awards. Give out stickers to the most smily children.
They take a minute to think about somebody who has helped them that week.

It's like therapy but free lol

One on a scooter peeping his hooter and...? How does it end?

At my school it was 'eating a chocolate bar'

We also had

while shepherds washed their socks by night all seated round the tub
The angel of The Lord came down and they began to scrub

And jingle bells, batman smells, robin flew away, uncle billy lost his willy on the M1 motorway

• it should say our school is also a big fan of Kumbaya

TooHasty... oh the memories....

The ink is black
The page is white
Together we learn to read and write
The child is black
The child is white
The whole world looks upon the sight
The beautiful sight

And now a child can understand
That this is the law of all the land
All the land

Literacy and fighting racism in a pretty song... and who knew it was three Dog Night??

When a knight won his spurs was my favourite... and Daisy's are our silver was a lost treasure. As soon as I read those words all of the others sprang to mind

Not sure today's songs sound like all that much fun in comparison!

That school rule song is like something you'd expect in a Soviet bloc country circa 1970.
It has to have been written for a laugh surely - bit of communist totalitarian propaganda for 7 year olds. I bloody love it.

Ooh Stinkle your school was classier than mine, "blowing his hooter, wearing his sister's bra"

It has a feel to it, Smike the musical perhaps, a bit Oliver-esque, maybe!

Tis indeed, brillig!

Stinkle - you were more health conscious than us - we followed the scooter's hooter with "smoking a big cigar".

Ours sing a bizarrely sinister one about 'we will get along much better if we just OBEY THE RULES...'

Yes, we have that one too, Bird! It's terrifying to hear it sung by 4-year-olds.

God, I remember loads of these now.

We sang the I was cold I was Hungry one, Sing Hosanna and Plough The Fields & Scatter - DD2's school still sings the plough the fields one at Harvest festival

Anyone remember

Milk bottle tops and paper bags
Iron bedsteads dirty old rags
Litter on the pavement, Litter on the street
Is this what we, really want to see (shouted quite militantly)
NO, NO, NO

Loving this thread remembering lot's of classics

Also

He's Got The Whole World In His Hands
Morning Has Broken
One More Step Along The World I Go
All Things Bright & Beautiful

loads listed here

OTheHugeManatee

^One on a scooter peeping his hooter following yonder star
Oh, star of wonder star of night
Sit on a box on dynamite
light the fuse and then you'll see
The quickest way to the cemetery^.

Followed by:

^We three kinds of Leicester Square
Selling knickers tuppence a pair
They're fantastic no elastic
Flying round everywhere^

I keep hoping I can sneak into a singing assembly sometime at DS's school to hear all of the songs again, but I fear I'll be disappointed and not recognise any of the old faithfuls.

I was another of the naughty ones who deviated from the words written on the overhead projector at Primary.

And then....

Good King Wenceleslas looked out
Of his bedroom window
Silly bugger he fell out
On a red hot cinder
Brightly shone his arse that night
Though the frost was cool
When a poor man came in sight
Said 'you bloody fool'.

We were uncouth in our school

Autumn days when the grass is jewelled and the silk inside the chestnut shell
We mustn't forget to say a great big thank you no we mustn't forget....
Sing Hosanna
One more step along the road we go..
All of these are very much alive in the village school where my grandsons are pupils.
I loved Daisies are our silver, Jesus wants me for a sunbeam and Jesus bids us shine. The last line of that is "You in your small corner and I in mine". When I was in the Infants I heard it as "You are cross with Connor and I know why!"

I'm feeling a wee bit hard done by here as I totally missed out on the guitar and hippiness of the early 70's assemblies. I was at an uber Catholic catholic primary and there was an awful lot of "Faith of my Fathers"; "Soul of my Saviour" and the innumerable verses of "Immaculate Mary, our hearts are on fire..." Had I known that somewhere there was an alternative which included singing "Yellow Submarine" accompanied by a kazoo, i would have probably exploded with jealousy.

My dc are at a non-denominational prep and sing quite a lot of what I would call "theology-lite" songs - "The bell of creation is swinging forever and all of the time it is swinging in me..." Or something.

Glad to see a reference to my all time favourite which the DCs sing - again, vague appeal to inner divinity/greater good - "broad beans are sleeping in their blankety beds. Sssshhh!"