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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

TO BE REALLY UPSET BY RUN IN WITH DD'S HEAD TEACHER?

245 replies

cheekychirpy · 05/02/2015 16:38

Can't stop shaking - I parked in the school car park and left DD2 in the car while I collected DD1 from school. Got back to the car to be met by the head teacher and given a right blasting: DD "could let the handbrake off and the car could roll back".

DD can't get the handbrake off AND the car was in gear so couldn't roll back in any case.

Just feel like shit - am I such a CRAP mother? DD2 is ill and I didn't want to get her out as it's bloody freezing at the mo.

Just want some rationalisation really; and feel maybe that the facts could have been established before I was judged.

OP posts:
kawliga · 05/02/2015 18:05

You obviously are scared of SS for some reason

Um, yes, I just explained the reason. SS do a lot of good work, that's for sure. There must be a lot of good work they do every day that we never get to hear about because it's not breaking news 'News Flash: SS saved a child from harm' is not news. But they make mistakes too and there are particular types of parents who are more likely to be the victim of mistakes.

Floggingmolly · 05/02/2015 18:05

Please link to the story of the woman who's children were removed because she hugged them too much, kawliga??? Was it in the National Enquirer?? Hmm

EdSheeran · 05/02/2015 18:06

YANBU, it was your own risk and choice to make. However, I would imagine you left her a little longer than you estimated, so I could see why someone else would be concerned. There's no doubt that HT handled it really badly though.

ilovechristmas1 · 05/02/2015 18:06

The surgery reported all single parents as a matter of routine.

what utter rubbish,dont believe a word of it

girlynut · 05/02/2015 18:07

Blush Kawliga, you clearly believe everything you read in the paper. What utter bollocks!

imgoodatpointless · 05/02/2015 18:09

the real danger of leaving the two year old alone in the car is the cigarette lighter.....this was widely reported at the time and can be found by googling

It was a weekday afternoon; Kellie O'Farrellwas playing in her parents’ car, which was parked on the drive outside their house. ‘My mum was checking on me every couple of minutes from the house,’ says Kellie. ‘But I managed to lock all the car doors from the inside; and then, I took out the cigarette lighter...and I let it fall on the car seat...’

Within minutes, the car was ablaze. Kellie’s mum, Caroline, realised almost straight away that disaster was unfolding – but because Kellie had locked herself into the car, she had to get a stool from the kitchen to break one of the car windows. By the time she reached her daughter, the burning ceiling of the car interior had fallen in. ‘She saved my life, because if I’d been in there for a few more seconds I’d have died,’ says Kellie. ‘But by the time she got to me, I was unrecognisable.’

She was rushed to hospital in Dublin, where doctors told her parents that she had a less than 50:50 chance of surviving. ‘For many days, that’s how it was – my mum and dad didn’t know whether I would make it or not,’ she says. It’s hard to imagine the torment they must have been going through. ‘It was very, very hard for them,’ says Kellie. ‘They relied very heavily on their faith; we’ve always been a strongly Catholic family, and their prayers and their belief in God were never more important than in those days.’
‘In many ways, I had to grow up at two,’ she says. ‘I realised that a lot of what happened next was going to be down to me – that I had to be very strong and very determined.’

Even when they knew their daughter was out of danger, the agony continued – because their gorgeous little girl’s appearance had changed out of all recognition. ‘That was so tough for them – it’s been a lot tougher for them than for me,’ says Kellie. ‘Because I was so young, and I don’t remember a time before I was scarred – whereas for them, there was always the memory of how I looked before. ‘It took a long, long time for them to be able to accept the way things were – and it was their faith, and our strong family, that got them through.’

ilovechristmas1 · 05/02/2015 18:09

please provide links to these tales

BuzzardBird · 05/02/2015 18:10

Dear God Hmm

TessDurbeyfield · 05/02/2015 18:12

The hugged too much story is clearly completely true. Look it's here in the Mail AND John Hemming MP supported the mother.

girlynut · 05/02/2015 18:12

There must be someone on MN who actually works in social care and can provide factual evidence rather than just "a story I once read on the Internet"!

zippey · 05/02/2015 18:13

It was none of the HT business - she was being unreasonable. Strapped in is preffered but as long as you weren't too long - say less than 15 mins, YANBU. I do this now and again eg quickly pick stuff up from Asda etc

Of course anything can happen but you assess the risk and then you decide if you want to take it.

kawliga · 05/02/2015 18:13

The surgery reported all single parents as a matter of routine

Well, that's what the midwife said and I believed her. No reason to think she was lying to me. This was a GP's surgery in leafy north Oxford, if that makes a difference. I was the only single mother in my NCT group and in all the playgroups I went to after dd was born. So it would not surprise me if they viewed single parenting as unusual and risky. I can't prove obviously that there were no other single mothers, maybe they all lied and said they had partners when they didn't, or I didn't cross paths with the single ones, who knows.

Or maybe she thought I looked very dodgy and wanted to report me but decided to lie to me and say it's 'routine' so that I don't feel alarmed? Who knows. I can't verify the truth of what she said, but that is definitely what she said.

Completefuckup23 · 05/02/2015 18:16

My four year old can't open a door let alone lift a fucking handbrake Confused

imgoodatpointless · 05/02/2015 18:17

here you go....

[http://www.alivepublishing.co.uk/faith-today-articles/kellie-o-farrell-facing-up-to-a-brave-future]

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 05/02/2015 18:18

You're not a crap mother. You just made an I'll judgment. That you believed to be for the best. Thankfully your dd came to no harm

ilovechristmas1 · 05/02/2015 18:18

i would imagine SS would not have the resources to check up on single parents

surely that would also be discrimination singleing out single parents

sockmatcher · 05/02/2015 18:21

Yes of course Kawliga you poor single parents get referred all the time.....

kawliga · 05/02/2015 18:22

Yes, it is discrimination against single parents and not the first time I have faced it from authorities. To be fair, there does tend to be a correlation (only a correlation) between vulnerability and single-parenting, also because single parents are more likely to be living in poverty. So it is rational for the authorities to view it as a 'flag' in some situations. But as I say, I can't prove the surgery did this - the midwife told me they did it and I believed her, that's all. I didn't question it, I just ran. And thank God for independent midwives. That's all.

theendoftheendoftheend · 05/02/2015 18:25

Can I just point out the obvious, the cigarette lighter doesn't work unless you leave the keys in the ignition and turn it on !!

ilovechristmas1 · 05/02/2015 18:26

My four year old can't open a door let alone lift a fucking handbrake

it's not just lifting the handbrake though

what if the child had got tangle up on the handbrake by their coat string and got into difficulty,dosent bare thinking about

theendoftheendoftheend · 05/02/2015 18:29

I do remember the one about the mum that hugged to much... no idea what the other issues where though

Amber76 · 05/02/2015 18:29

I walk to play school a few mornings a week with my young kids and regularly see young children waiting in cars whilst parents drop other kids into school. I've never thought it was a big deal - seems to be common practice around here!

sockmatcher · 05/02/2015 18:30

im a single mother so sometimes my dd does get left on her own in situations where most people would not leave their dc alone.

Do get that chip off your shoulder.

imgoodatpointless · 05/02/2015 18:33

theendoftheendoftheend

follow the link

dont just blindly assume that ... it cant happen