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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

TO BE REALLY UPSET BY RUN IN WITH DD'S HEAD TEACHER?

245 replies

cheekychirpy · 05/02/2015 16:38

Can't stop shaking - I parked in the school car park and left DD2 in the car while I collected DD1 from school. Got back to the car to be met by the head teacher and given a right blasting: DD "could let the handbrake off and the car could roll back".

DD can't get the handbrake off AND the car was in gear so couldn't roll back in any case.

Just feel like shit - am I such a CRAP mother? DD2 is ill and I didn't want to get her out as it's bloody freezing at the mo.

Just want some rationalisation really; and feel maybe that the facts could have been established before I was judged.

OP posts:
GokTwo · 05/02/2015 17:29

I'm guessing that as you haven't responded to the question your Dd wasn't strapped in. If that is the case then yabu. My friend used to do this with her 2 year old son, he got out of the car and was found wandering around a car park by a stranger. Granted the school car park is a bit different and it is a nightmare if they are ill I still wouldn't have done it. Was it really 2 mins?

Heels99 · 05/02/2015 17:31

Top respect to anyone who gets their child from school in two minutes

Yabu to leave toddler alone but you know that and won't do it again. HT was not beig unreasonable but nobody likes getting told off by HT.

Also well that ends well.

BirdintheWings · 05/02/2015 17:31

My toddler son didn't know how to undo his seatbelt either.

Until the day we glanced over (standing next to the car, OK?) to see that he was in the driver's seat.

'Good thing he doesn't know how to turn the ign ...AAARGH', to quote DH.

Biscetti · 05/02/2015 17:32

Oh ffs. The car was parked in the school car park. Of course she did nothing wrong. No risk whatsoever. Apart from all the dangerous people lurking on every corner and behind every tree ever. And aliens. And spontaneously combusting hedgehogs.

Tis a dangerous place, the SCHOOL fucking car park.

CaroleService · 05/02/2015 17:36

My neighbour hummed and hawed about leaving her 8 year old in the car while she took her other child to the school gate. In the end, she made him come with. When she got back, the car was in flames. Tru fact.

(It was one of those mysteriously combusting minis).

funkyfoam · 05/02/2015 17:40

Not the best idea but we've all made bad decisions as parents. We make them because often the alternative is such a hassle and we think it's only for a couple of minutes. There are people on MN who are practically perfect in every way, but a lot of us are not. I'm lucky not to have killed , lost or damaged my children on many occasions but they made it to adulthood. Learn and forget x

kawliga · 05/02/2015 17:41

I agree with MrsDeVere.

As for the head teacher being responsible for the 'Health and Safety' of anybody who comes onto school property, the duty of care applies to all things within the control of the head-teacher, i.e. the things which are the head-teacher's responsibility. If she feels there is a safeguarding issue and a parent is not fit to parent, there is a procedure she must follow, and that procedure is not: follow the parents around the carpark and give them a bollocking. Such heads do nothing when children are seriously at risk, they are too busy following the soft touch parents around.

I have been lucky never to have such a head at dd's school; I would think of moving my child if I had such a head, because they can get you into serious trouble - many parents have lost their dc over officious and ridiculous things like this and later it turns out the parents are innocent but it's too late as the kids are gone and have been adopted or fostered out.

Did you read the story of the guy who lost his 3 kids because he told the head he feared for their safety and wanted to drop them off inside the school grounds - the head took this as evidence that he was bonkers (well, maybe he was bonkers tbh) and reported him to social services who had the kids removed.

clam · 05/02/2015 17:43

YABU for parking in the school car park at all. It's strictly forbidden in ours, but we still get loads of parents thinking they're special and doing it anyway. Have had a couple of near-misses as their kids run across behind reversing cars and so on.

Buttercup27 · 05/02/2015 17:44

At my last school a little boy started his dad's car (numpty left keys in the ignition ) he drove it across car park and crashed onto the school sign. His dad had been gone less than 2 min.
Anything can happen if you leave a child alone !

seeminglyso · 05/02/2015 17:44

''many parents have lost their dc over officious and ridiculous things like this and later it turns out the parents are innocent but it's too late as the kids are gone and have been adopted or fostered out.''

stop reading the daily fail :)

Floggingmolly · 05/02/2015 17:44

parents have lost their dc over officious and ridiculous things like this and later it turns out the parents are innocent but it's too late as the kids are gone and have been adopted
Do you write for the Daily Mail by any chance, kawliga, or do you just read it rather too often?
What a load of over dramatic bollocks.

Floggingmolly · 05/02/2015 17:45

x post...

hiddenhome · 05/02/2015 17:45

YWBU the car could have been swept away in a flash flood or taken by aliens Shock

kawliga · 05/02/2015 17:46

Ok, fair enough, not 'many' parents.

But a few parents have, and that's still scary. Even if it happened to only one parent it's still scary.

Nanny0gg · 05/02/2015 17:47

Do you really think your child needs to know what a handbrake is before they fiddle with it?

YABVVU and the HT was right.

Inkanta · 05/02/2015 17:48

Well I think the Head was wrong to give you 'a right blasting'. She should have spoken to you adult to adult if she had a problem, not talk down to you like that. You're not a child. She doesn't sound like the kind of Head I would like and respect.

Topseyt · 05/02/2015 17:49

I can't see why the head teacher would have even considered that your child could have got near the handbrake if she was strapped into a proper child car seat. Therefore, I believe she was not strapped in and was being allowed to climb around in the car.

It is fine to leave a child strapped in for a couple of minutes, especially if you are remaining in line of sight (not convinced this was the case either, or the head would simply have come to get you). I am sure that practicalities take over and mean that most of us did it at some point (paying for fuel etc.). I did, but ALWAYS strapped in whether they liked it or not.

It is NOT fine to leave a small child loose to roam freely around inside a car.

LovesBooks · 05/02/2015 17:50

She has a responsibility to protect children and in no way would I leave a 2 year old in the car while I went out of sight. It's one thing leaving them while you pay for petrol and can see the car and then what you did. The headteacher did the right thing by bringing it up.

BubbleGirl01 · 05/02/2015 17:51

If you were far enough away that you could not see your DD in the car then the Head was right IMHO. Nothing to do with aliens, floods, starting the car etc, purely that she may have got out of the car which would be the most likely risk as a PP mentioned about a child being found in a car park. We often don't realise our DC can actually do things until they go ahead and do them!

kawliga · 05/02/2015 17:52

It's not scary because the Daily Mail loves these stories, way to whip up hysteria. It's scary for me because I'm a single mother, so more vulnerable to the sorts of things that trigger social workers.

When I was pregnant the midwife said she had to report me to social services as I posed a risk of harm to myself or the baby. The surgery reported all single parents as a matter of routine. Maybe 'report' is a Daily Mail word, I guess the surgery would call it 'passed on the information to those who can help you in case you need extra help'. The midwife was lovely, she said single mothers are prone to PND so they are reported for their own safety. I never returned to that surgery, I scraped all my pennies together and went with an independent midwife.

LoveAGlayva · 05/02/2015 17:54

Such heads do nothing when children are seriously at risk, they are too busy following the soft touch parents around.

That's a rather sweeping statement. You don't know that the HT in question hasn't already raised a safeguarding issue.

Starlightbright1 · 05/02/2015 17:55

The things with posts like this I read one about a CM been de registered for leaving 2 children strapped in the supermarket for 5 minutes...THe response was what do you expect ? I am not sure why parents would not look after their own child in the same way?

LoveAGlayva · 05/02/2015 17:58

The surgery reported all single parents as a matter of routine.

Utter bullshit. You obviously are scared of SS for some reason. You actually said you'd remove your child from a school if you had a Head that cared about the safeguarding of children. I've read it all on MN now. Step away from the Daily Mail!

Preciousbane · 05/02/2015 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kawliga · 05/02/2015 18:02

I don't know about this particular head, obviously, I was commenting about a trend that's obvious from reported cases in the news.

The parents who have their dc taken tend to be polite harmless types innocently trying to respect the authorities, following the procedures, turning up to meetings, etc. Remember the woman who had her dc taken away because she 'hugged her too much' when she dropped her off at nursery?

The ones whose kids end up being harmed, where the authorities did nothing, tend to be the right bruisers who look so intimidating that you can see exactly why underpaid social workers didn't want to get mixed up with them. They are often bolshy and rude and do not cooperate with authorities (hence why their dc end up in bad situations).

Yes, this is a generalization. It's a trend. I'm sure there are exceptional cases that buck the trend that don't end up in the news, but this is the trend from news reports.