To get a blunt knife and stab 50% of the office (lighthearted)

[Mlb2015]

So I'm 6 months into taking my first full time office job. I'm making double what I used to, healthcare, pension, sick days bla bla

But its full of noisey eaters. There is a guy next to me slowly eating muesli, he lifts the bowl to his face, bashes the spoon on the bowl, blashes the spoon on his teeth, chews loudly making slapping noises then bashes the bowl back on the desk. It drives me crazy. Then there are the crisps, apple and carrot stick people that eat slowly most of the day. The guy opposite me has a can of coke, then burps without even covering his mouth or saying exusce me, more he finds it funny. I can smell his digesting food when he does this, this is a guy in his 40s ffs. Arrrrg I miss working on my own.

Not actually "light hearted " OP

This would drive me absolutely nuts. Disgusting pigs. Esp the belching guy.

I have a noisy eating colleague. I posted about him last week. I didn't want to stab him (extreme!) but I was trying to think of revenge eg. Bringing in noisy/ smelly food of my own :)

My colleague combs his straggly long filthy looking hair at his desk opposite me, meticulously, for about 20 minutes. He then lovingly strokes his beard and tweaks his waxed curly moustache into shape, 'checking them for food' after eating.

I feel sick most of the time.

He is also heavy smoker and major coffee drinker. I'm pregnant and can smell his breath from my desk

Use a sharp knife, you'll get through them more efficiently.

Well it is lighthearted as I'm not going to stab anyone, but I will be turning up my music very loudly and using this blue tack as a stress reliever.

Ha I like the idea of revenge, saldy I don't think I could do anything worse than what the burping guy does without getting fired. Doing a shit on his desk would probably get me in trouble :(

I love the way put 'lighthearted' in the title!

Omg, I didn't see the first reply when I posted that!

families get a grip.

oh ny goodness rhe joys of working in an office!

Not looking forward to people like that when I go back!

YDNBU

Oh I really don't miss this! I too hate the smoking, coffee drinkers, especially when I was pregnant, I wanted to pin them down and make them eat a whole pack of airwaves when they spoke to me... Not quite as brutal as stabbing with blunt knife, have you googled ways to make it look like an accident

I left my job before I killed someone - seemed best!

Yeah, talking about stabbing people at work is hilarious

How pregnant are you? Will the sensitivity to smell go away? I ask this because I made DH eat in the kitchen when I was first pregnant because his food smelled so strong. I would hold off on the executions until later on.

It's bit talking about actually doing that though - the thread title clearly indicates that this is not likely to be about actual stabbing.

Not*, not bit.

Op look up misophonia, it's a neurological condition that means literally 'hatred of sound'

It means that certain sounds cause you anger, and trigger the fight or flight response.

Ive thought a lot worse whilst being triggered op, I know that it's just frustration.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misophonia

There's something about timing though, no? There was that thread a while ago (that got pulled) about someone wanting to prank her friends by putting a mannequin head in their bed - until recently that would have been a funny thread, but it was posted the day after Alan Henning's murder...

Families It's obvious from reading what Mlb2015 posted it is light hearted.

Oh Families, don't be so pompous.

OP, consider using a machete. You could cut proper swathes through them that way.

Torch the place

YANBU. Noisy eaters are arseholes.

"Pompous"? Ok then...

If you think it's the work of a hairy handed trucker, stopping off under their bridge for a break. Report it.

Ahhhhh, the joy of working from home!

I'm not troll hunting Long, I just think it's distasteful (and reported it before I posted)

Anyway, back to my sick bed, will leave you to it