To get a blunt knife and stab 50% of the office (lighthearted)

[Mlb2015]

So I'm 6 months into taking my first full time office job. I'm making double what I used to, healthcare, pension, sick days bla bla

But its full of noisey eaters. There is a guy next to me slowly eating muesli, he lifts the bowl to his face, bashes the spoon on the bowl, blashes the spoon on his teeth, chews loudly making slapping noises then bashes the bowl back on the desk. It drives me crazy. Then there are the crisps, apple and carrot stick people that eat slowly most of the day. The guy opposite me has a can of coke, then burps without even covering his mouth or saying exusce me, more he finds it funny. I can smell his digesting food when he does this, this is a guy in his 40s ffs. Arrrrg I miss working on my own.

No, Ottillia the reason she had to put 'lighthearted' in the thread title was because she knew, despite the fact that it was obviously a joke, that someone would come along and be deliberately obtuse and po faced about it. And lo and behold it came on the first reply.

If she was actually planning on murdering her co-workers with a blunt knife I doubt she would come and post about it on mumsnet.

Thanks, this silly thread I wrote while escaping the noise and going to the toilet has actually been a light bulb moment! I really must have Misophonia.

I've lasted another lunch time with the cutlery clangers. Glad to know it's not just me.

I am also surprised there isn't more mass killings in offices. I think its made me worse by spending most of my working life not in offices. Come the end of the tax year I will be happy going back to half the money, but being self employed :)

Ironic thing is I took this job to buy a more expensive house that's further away from the road and people

I know why she put it, But if one needs to accentuate a joke then the joke wasn't funny in first place, is what I'm saying.

Also, the 'lighthearted' is put in an OP to shepherd responses in the direction wanted by the OP.
But the whole point is that you can't choose what sort of responses you will get on a thread. There will be arsey ones and nice ones, you just deal with them.

I'll be off my soapbox now.