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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell you how I foiled one of those spready out men on the bus earlier?

256 replies

DaygloYellowLady · 03/02/2015 14:38

I'm really quite pleased with myself and it was dead easy. I just sat slightly diagonally but still within the boundaries of my seat so when he started attempting to spread out his legs to air his bollocks he ended up with my bony knee stuck in his thigh with very little discomfort or contact to me. Then, when he moved his leg away I quite subtly stretched my legs ever so slightly into his space, I know this made me
just as bad as him but after years of being squashed into the window, thigh to thigh with a strange man it felt so sooo good. The best part was the slightly bewildered looks he kept throwing me as we trundled along, like that just wasn't the way things should have turned out. Grin

OP posts:
WhatWouldFreddieDo · 04/02/2015 17:54

Dadscare2 I'm sorry you've had a bad experience at toddler groups, but this thread is about women's experience of men (and some women even) on public transport.

Please believe us when we tell you we have had these experiences, just as we believe yours at toddler group.

And please credit us with a bit of intelligence - we know not all men are like that, some of us even have DPs and DHs who we know would never be so selfish on the bus or tube - and yet, we have all had similar experiences of being squashed by entitled men who clearly believe they have far more right to take up space than the woman beside them.

Prole · 04/02/2015 18:09

Kinda repeating my first post but... I don't fit in some public transport seats so have no option other than to spread a bit. I get evil looks - what am I to do? Many men do spread excessively - I get squashed by them too. But many simply don't fit and we shouldn't be tarred with the same brush.

What are your thoughts about fat people taking up more than their reasonable share of bus seat? They can, theoretically at least, reduce their spacial displacement. I have no chance.

I'd be interested to hear what 6'+ women do. They won't fit into bus or plane seats any better than me.

TRexingInAsda · 04/02/2015 18:58

Dadscare Let me get my tiny violin out for you. For the last couple of years, you have had a very mild taste of what ALL women experience ALL the bloody time in day to day life. But even though your experience is mild and short-lived, only you're allowed to sound off on this thread, and women aren't? Why not - old habits die hard, eh? Welcome to 'Men defending their male privilege'!

Prole You don't have to do the splits on the bus just because you're tall. Look at the tall women - they put their legs together, out the front or to one side (you don't have to face dead forward on the seat, diagonal is fine - as long as it's in one direction, not both).

Dadscare2 · 04/02/2015 19:10

TRex I am not looking for a violin - if I was you'd find out why I am a single Dad believe me. If I have such a damn "privilege" life is pretty shitty! You miss my point completely because you choose to. And my point has been exactly the one you make in reverse - seemingly the women here can sound off about men but any disagreement is not allowed.

Whilst you can talk to other Mum's I continue alone with my amazing little boy. I will teach him to respect everyone and be inclusive, despite the attitude of those like you.

What you fail to see is that a guy moving his leg on the train is being deemed a most heinous crime whilst discrimination against single Dad's warrants ridicule. Thanks very much, you prove my point perfectly.

Enjoy "ladies".

Prole · 04/02/2015 19:14

I've already said I can't do the diagonal thing. My back is fucked so twisting my torso or legs against each other is a non-starter. My legs don't fit straight out in front - if they did I wouldn't have to spread-angle. I could sit on the seat at a diagonal angle but would take up more space than my spread.

My spread is as minimal as I can make it - I'll still sometimes get a semi-dead leg from my knee being so hard up against the seat in front. The narrative of this thread seems to be a total assumption that any spreading man is simply being an arsehole. Just trying to make a point that it ain't always so. To repeat my question: what can I do to avoid the evil looks? Does anyone even notice spread legs hard up against the seat back?

ScotsWhaHae · 04/02/2015 19:17

Poor man.

ScotsWhaHae · 04/02/2015 19:17

I mean 'man'

ocelot41 · 04/02/2015 19:21

Look I don't think any of us would mind if a tall or large person (of either gender) actually turned to us, said sorry, they hoped they weren't squishing us but there wasn't much space and they were struggling to get their legs in. Its the endless unthinking assumption by men who aren't significantly bigger than me that they are entitled to half of my seat space regardless of how uncomfortable they make me. And don't get me started on manslamming.....It just gives me The Rage.

WhereYouLeftIt · 04/02/2015 19:24

This link was posted on the last thread about manspreading - makes quite interesting reading!

Why Do Guys Spread Their Legs When Sitting on The Subway? My Weekend of Sitting Like a Man

OverAndAbove · 04/02/2015 19:24

The pictures on the PO's link are just hilarious. That is all.

Prole · 04/02/2015 19:32

Thanks Scots. I'll leave this thread to the 'all spreading men are over-entitled arseholes' theme. Fool me for even trying to introduce an alternative mitigating viewpoint.

Yep - let's all stake our seat claim without mercy. Tall? Tough shit. Fat? Tough shit. Big arse/hips? Tough shit. I'd better put myself down for height reduction surgery so's to be more socially acceptable...

Prole · 04/02/2015 19:34

ocelot - it would completely obvious if a person wasn't fitting in the seat. Why should they apologise for it?

Dadscare2 · 04/02/2015 19:35

Yes fool you Prole. You dare to not agree. This is not allowed and you must leave with your tail between your hopefully tightly closed legs.

Prole · 04/02/2015 19:35

BE completely obvious

BossWitch · 04/02/2015 19:38

I'm nearly 6' and it's all in my legs! I also wear high heels. I sit incrediblyuncomfortably on public transport - I have many times ended up with bruised knees. I will, if possible, choose a seat with more legroom (like the middle back one facing down the aisle on a bus) or an aisle seat and sit at an angle - note, not twisted, so as to avoid back issues, but seated diagonally. If these options are unavailable I will hurt my knees or I will stand up. Because I am NOT ENTITLED to another person's space. End of.

nunkspugget · 04/02/2015 19:39

Dadscare, I'll swap your one instance of discrimination for a lifetime of them. You've had a glimpse of what it's like for women. And it's already turned you into a bitter person. Maybe let us 'ladies' have our rants, and be glad that by simply possessing a set of balls means that your life will be one of ease and privilege.

ocelot41 · 04/02/2015 19:41

Prole er...because they are causing another person discomfort and it is polite to acknowledge that and apologise for it?

OnlyLovers · 04/02/2015 19:44

Prole, I'm a woman and tall, with long legs. Occasionally I have to angle myself on a seat in such a way that I encroach on the person next to me, or at least feel as though I am. I always smile and say 'I'm a bit tall for this seat, sorry' and they generally say something nice back.

Why should I apologise? Because it's just a nice little thing to do to show that you know you're making things a little bit inconvenient for them.

And ocelot's post a couple above yours explicitly contradicts your claim that the overarching 'theme' of this thread is that 'all spreading men are over-entitled arseholes'.

Dadscare2 · 04/02/2015 19:47

Ease and fucking privilege? Ease and fucking privilege! You have to be kidding me! What the hell do you know? What gives you the right to make assumptions like that? Seriously what gives you that right? You know absolutely nothing of what my life is like. I guarantee in comparison yours is one of goddamn ease.

Yes you go for your rant about such a petty bullshit little thing. Then tell me all about your glass ceilings and your lower pay. I'll tell you how difficulty it is when your wife fucking dies and then women look at you like your a paedo just because you are a man at a playgroup with your kid. What the fuck do you know?

nunkspugget · 04/02/2015 19:56

If you are struggling with being a single parent, then you need to seek help rather than telling women on the intertnet they are all wrong about sexism. You will find this forum a very supportive place for those who ask for it.

MessyHair9 · 04/02/2015 19:56

So true that two men don't do it to each other, so they can contain themselves to one space if it means they will touch a man. Funny that.

Dadscare, fgs, get over yourself, 1) even though this does happen to women (so how can you comment on an experience that is common to men) & 2) it's still a light hearted thread, so you might want to get some perspective.

MessyHair9 · 04/02/2015 19:58

I mean, an experience that is common to women
and we can't all be wrong. Or maybe you think we can all be wrong about this.

I'm a single parent, it isn't easy.

Prole · 04/02/2015 19:59

Only - you are quite right about ocelot's post. It's the other 160 odd mainly making assumptions that EVERY spreader has no actual reason to do so. Thought it was worthwhile to mention the 'too tall to fit' angle so's to broaden the narrative, like. I share the dislike of over-spreaders so resent being lumped in just by virtue or height - I often get things off the top shelf for shorties though.

Just to get it right - I should apologise for being too tall for my fellow passengers comfort just as fat people do? It's no more obvious I'm tall as it is they're fat, I guess.

YonicScrewdriver · 04/02/2015 19:59

OOA, one of the reasons I sit in the aisle is in case I get a spready-type next to me - at least if he's in the window seat I am free on one side.

Prole, I'm sorry about your back. Few people fit comfortably on public transport, IMO - the seats are too small in order to fit more of them in.

Bifauxnen · 04/02/2015 20:00

Perhaps the bereavement board would be better for you, rather than lashing out on unrelated threads. There are plenty of people who have lost loved ones and could offer support.
As for the group, I think you're being a little hysterical to immediately jump to "they think im a paedophile" I doubt there's anyone who hasn't been given the stink eye at one baby group or another.