AIBU to expect parents to keep autistic son safe in supermarket?

[middleagedbread]

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2936089/Parents-seven-year-old-autistic-boy-asked-leave-Iceland-not-controlling-son-running-aisles.html

I've checked and can't see this thread started anywhere else. I think that the security guard was within his rights to ask both parents to supervise their son or leave store and I don't see where they were being discriminated against. The £20 'apology' from the store after they complained isn't enough it seems; they want com-pen-say-shun. Cue sadfaced pics in article. I am certain that, should their son have injured himself while not being supervised, these same parents would be featuring in an article about 'unsafe supermarket injured my child'.

Parents of autistic children have enough to cope with without these sort of negative articles.

And no this is nothing to do with my personal parenting style...DD had severe ASD and goes to supermarket.and walks around pretty well. Probably just luck.

Havent read the story but just to add that there are crap parents of disabled kids too ;) Having a disabled child doesn't turn you in to a saint or a perfect parent.

Absoloutly, I had an incident with a neighbour's grandchild ringing my door bell, when I answered he called me a 'fat slag' and ran away - apparently this is because he has ADHD and according to his mother, "no one can do anything about it".

That's obviously not a good thing to do.

But people do struggle with kids with ADHD. A lot.

Like everything in life nothing is black and white.

Unlike everything on MN

Ds went through a long phase of trying to bang on the windows of houses that we passed in the street. I stopped him doing this by keeping him on a short rein (literally) and contantly moving his hands away. He wasn't being naughty. He had no understanding that there was anything wrong with doing this and it seemed to be a compulsion, particularly when he was anxious.

It's hard isn't it. DD likes to try to bang on cars.

In fact I would say if the boy is doing this it is indication he has quite severe SN.

And let's be clear... YOUR idea of "not doing anything" about his disturbance and MY idea of "not doing anything" may be really different.

Example...

I have ds1 in the supermarket, in the wheelchair trolley. He is contained, not touching anyone or anything, but he is loud. He is stimming, he is shouting occasionally, and he is babbling nonsense words because he is trying to cope with the sensory overstimulation in the supermarket.

People are tutting, staring, and I can hear someone grumbling to the person with them "God, isn't she going to DO anything about that? He's so loud!!"

So.. in their opinion, I'm not doing anything. But... they don't see the sensory item he is playing with in one hand to help cope, they don't see me talking to him quietly to keep him calm while I quickly go through the supermarket, they apparently don't notice that his younger brother is along as well and has SNs and I am trying to keep him happy and relaxed as well, they don't realise that the reason he is IN the wheelchair is not only because his legs get tired, but to help him cope with his surroundings - otherwise he WOULD be running around, hitting things, throwing himself on the floor.

So yes, I am doing something. The clarification here is that I'm not doing what THEY wanted - which was basically shutting him up. Never mind the fact that it is OKAY for him to make noise - this is a supermarket, not church FFS. Never mind that he's not hurting ANYONE. Never mind that they are being nasty and hurtful. But they are solid in their opinion that I'm not doing ANYTHING to stop him.

It's often all about perception.

Don't judge someone until you have walked in their shoes.

Their actual shoes not just shoes from the same shop.

Ds is a car banger to although thankfully as he is getting older he is learning the self control to begin to keep his hands off things that he passes. Is hard work though and he still needs reins on.

Yes same here

What MrsD said.

Noone is using SN as an excuse for crap parenting. That is a shallow blinkered and ignorant view. Encouraged by the DM.

Read Mrs DV's post

And frankly shame on the parents of kids with ASN who haven't tried to understand the behaviour at least slightly and just judged it.

If feeling that makes me crap then bring it on frankly.

can't figure out why some people have a problem the the paper the story was written by, enough of you seem to have read it to quote/misquote from it, or as often occurs it is a hash of what other writers wrote in originally. now had it been a red top ....that's besides the point, sn children are a challenge [my eldest was a toddler once] and is it difficult trying to get the balance between socialization and keeping 'in check', when it is possible one person would need to remove a child from the situation as it can be frightening for them. but i doubt, several kids running loose in a supermarket all have sn, a lot of it is just lazy parenting, i am tolerant to a point but supermarkets aren't playgrounds, if your dc gets seriously injured because some other kid has knocked stuff off the shelf are you seriously going to say ''it's okay, not a problem " i don't think so.

i have more of a problem with nt kids when I take my child out,
random kids following them and staring, parents not caring about their wonderful nt kids.
if you say something.....they get all "omg they are just a child."
maybe next time I should get onto the dm.....oh hang DM would just re write it

Behaviour that is unsafe behaviour is not bad behaviour from a child that does not understand they shouldn't do it or does not have the self control to stop it.

Well it's the parents job to teach them why it is unsafe then isin't it?

got to laugh at the lack of understanding about autism

So if the lad was running around due to sensory overload for e.g. then surely the best thing for him would to have been removed from the source of the distress. Why continue to let him be uncomfortable in a situation he wasn't coping with and allow things deteriorate for him even more?

And if wondering why his parents didn't remove him from a distressing for him situation makes me crap then Im also quite happy to be crap. We can't have it both ways - he was either being allowed to do what he liked or he was in distress and his parents did nothing about making a difference for him.

Alice, I don't really think the onus is on us not to comment, it's on the press not to report. But then where do you draw the line? I'm not convinced in this case that the child was discriminated against. Because even if someone has a disability Iceland still have a right to protect their property from serious damage. For example they're required to have wheelchair access but they're not required to let people in wheelchairs ram raid the freezers with their wheelchairs.

A supermarket is a supermarket. They won't throw kids out for having meltdowns or tantrums or being nosy, if they did then they would be throwing out kids every 2 minutes. I've actually been in that particular store when I've had to deal with a meltdown and the staff were nothing other than sympathetic. But when someone is behaving in a manner which puts themselves, others and Iceland's property they have a right to act. You can bet your bottom dollar if a bay of freezers had smashed and their profits had been dented the first thing to go would be some poor sod's job.

Yes, it's all our jobs to try and be supportive of other parents when they're struggling to cope, particularly if their child has a disability. But does that go as far as expecting a child to seriously damage others property? No I don't think it does, I think that crosses a line.

I think it's unfair on the parents of other disabled children who face exactly the same problems but manage to do it without expecting their children to have carte blanche to smash up supermarkets. And I think it's even worse to drag your child through the press like this. Hopefully some day this kid will be trying to get a job. Do you really think it will help him if the first thing that comes up on google is smashing up a supermarket and trying to get compo for disability? It would have any potential employer running for the hills.

Nobody made them do this story, and I think when you do a story like this, which is verging on blackmail, you have to be prepared to take a little bit of flack.