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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to expect parents to keep autistic son safe in supermarket?

300 replies

middleagedbread · 02/02/2015 19:49

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2936089/Parents-seven-year-old-autistic-boy-asked-leave-Iceland-not-controlling-son-running-aisles.html

I've checked and can't see this thread started anywhere else. I think that the security guard was within his rights to ask both parents to supervise their son or leave store and I don't see where they were being discriminated against. The £20 'apology' from the store after they complained isn't enough it seems; they want com-pen-say-shun. Cue sadfaced pics in article. I am certain that, should their son have injured himself while not being supervised, these same parents would be featuring in an article about 'unsafe supermarket injured my child'.

Parents of autistic children have enough to cope with without these sort of negative articles.

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 02/02/2015 21:09

I agree with Worra (again)
I can't imagine why the parents are seeking this publicity and if I were the security guard doing my job I'd be well pissed off with my employer for not supporting me.

WireCat · 02/02/2015 21:11

I always wonder why people go to the Daily Mail with the Sad Face. I never would, I'd feel too ashamed!
I would appear in The Guardian though. I have standards donchya know.

x2boys · 02/02/2015 21:14

I also have a little boy with asd his behaviour can be terrible sometimes but I don't allow him to run amok in supermarkets we were shopping last week myself ,dh and both boys dh let both children go and sit near the photography booth just as I said I don't allow ds2 to go off with his brother ds2 got stuck between the machine and the wall my point being proved he needs extra monitoring due to his needs! I don't think they were being discriminated against .

FightOrFlight · 02/02/2015 21:19

Probably just bad parenting, nothing to do with the child's disability. Yes he might react like that in a supermarket through no fault of his own so the sensible option is for one of the parents to take him outside.

If he'd smashed the glass with his 'heavy ring' and cut himself they would probably have tried to get compo for that too.

Frusso · 02/02/2015 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

x2boys · 02/02/2015 21:21

Just to point out ds2 has ASD and learning difficulties he can't speak we can't let him runaround doing as he wants as we would be bad parents not keeping him safe this said I think there does need to be far more awareness about hidden disabillities just yesterday my own dad said that when he parks in the disabled bay ( my mum has osteoporosis and has a blue badge) there are lots of people who also have blue badges that don't appear to be disabled! I did point out that not everybody disabillity is visible and he should know this as his grandchild has autism!

ProudAS · 02/02/2015 21:23

I'm autistic and think it totally unacceptable that the parents allowed this.

OK so autistic kids need to be taught to cope as best as possible with these situations. If the security guard had banned them because their DS had a meltdown but was not endangering other customers that would have been different.

lljkk · 02/02/2015 21:27

I have bratty kids so I have sympathies with anyone struggling for whatever reason. They haven't done their son much good with this story, unless they got a lot of money for it maybe.

MoanCollins · 02/02/2015 21:31

I have some sympathy for parents in this situation but if they're struggling why in God's name have they given a small boy a completely unneccesary ring which means that he can do a hell of a lot more damage? I think for his sake as much as anything you'd try and limit the damage he could do.

Incidentally, there were two parents with him and outside that store is a large pedestrianised area with benches. If they were struggling to keep him under control in the store one of them could easily have taken him out.

Rainicorn · 02/02/2015 21:32

It annoys me when parents use their child's disability as an excuse for their poor parenting choices.

I have a son with autism, if he was misbehaving anywhere, I'd be the one to remove him. As it is, he struggles in supermarkets so I don't visit them with him. It's hard enough with my other children, they get bored easily. Thank goodness for Internet shopping.

Samcro · 02/02/2015 21:38

what a non story
kids run around shops all the time.
but lets have another thread about disabilty

MidniteScribbler · 02/02/2015 21:44

It's not discrimination when the same criteria would be applied to a child without a disability. Running amok and the probability of damage to store property would result in any parent being told to control their child or leave. You can't claim discrimination just because you don't like something that was said to you.

WineWineWine · 02/02/2015 21:48

Ridiculous. That is not discrimination. Children, autistic or not, cannot be allowed to behave like that in a supermarket. If they are that severely autistic that you have absolutely no control, then you have 2 parents. 1 can concentrate on the shopping while the other manages the child. Of shopping is too much for the child to cope with, don't take them in or limit the time they have to tolerate it.
ASD is not and excuse for letting your child do what the hell they want.

ddubsgirl77 · 02/02/2015 21:54

Sadly see this all the time :( today while shopping a young girl & toddler in buggy was left at the end of the aisle no sign of parent, the girl was playing with bottles of spray bleach.

CocktailQueen · 02/02/2015 21:56

Just what I was going to say, Rainicorn! That's why internet shopping was invented. Why do these parents need to take their DS shopping?

Fwiw, they were wrong and out of control. Poor security guard.

Skatingfastonthinice · 02/02/2015 21:57

Brilliant responses yet again from the MN parents of children with a disability.
A diagnosis is an explanation, not an excuse and it doesn't come with an automatic sainthood for the parents. The child couldn't handle the situation, the parents should have stepped in before the security guard. Sometimes you can't because the shit hits the fan so fast, in which case you manage the problems and then apologise and explain afterwards. If you can.

ThereIsACarInTheKitchen · 02/02/2015 21:58

Speaking as someone with ASD who has faced a fair amount of discrimination, I am struggling to see where the discrimination is in this situation. It is unacceptable for a child to be running around like that, autism or not. I'm willing to bet that if he had injured himself his parents would be the first to complain about that.

Skatingfastonthinice · 02/02/2015 21:59

'That's why internet shopping was invented. Why do these parents need to take their DS shopping?'

Because they have the right to be out and about in society, doing normal stuff that everyone takes for granted? Your post smacks of the "Should keep them out of sight, not fit to be with the rest of us' which is an attitude I hope is dying out.
The parents handled this poorly, doesn't mean that the child should never go shopping again.

CocktailQueen · 02/02/2015 22:03

Skating fast - that's not what I meant at all! I meant, why take a kid shopping when you can't pay attention to them and concentrate on shopping? Why not one parent rake the dc to the park, and the other go shopping - or shop online? I don't take my dc shopping - because I shop online and prefer to have fun with my dc, going for walks, playing in the park etc.

I certainly didn't mean the poor kid should never go shopping again! Sorry if you misinterpreted my post.

Celticlass2 · 02/02/2015 22:05

Just sounds like crappy parenting to me. That the child is autistic is neither here nor there.
Plenty of parents of autistic children wouldn't allow them to behave like this.

Skatingfastonthinice · 02/02/2015 22:08

Oh, I'm delighted that's not what you meant.
I had enough of the hissing geese syndrome when DS was younger, and the level of spite directed towards him by adults was
Not only can he shop now without running around, he often does the mid-week shop for us and lugs it all home. So the patience and training paid off in the end.

Celticlass2 · 02/02/2015 22:12

I've just seen the child was wearing a heavy ring. Wonder if it was a sovereign

Bluepants · 02/02/2015 22:15

What I find bizarre is that there were 2 parents in the shop with the ds failing to supervise him properly. When it became apparent that ds was banging freezers etc, I don't understand why one parent didn't take him outside and the other do the shopping. It wasn't like one parent was struggling alone and couldn't shop any other way.

TopazRocks · 02/02/2015 22:22

Haven't read the thread. BUT two parents - so one can shop and tother can care for the child, as appropriate to his needs. So, yes, by all means take him there to accustom him to shops (sensory overload can be huge problems for those with asd in supermarkets - lighting, noise, crowds, smells). When it's too much, then child gets taken elsewhere.

Did the store staff know child had asd? They don't come with labels usually. Mine did, and I am sure some people decided he was a brat. Tough life but that's how it is.

TopazRocks · 02/02/2015 22:23

Typo. No, my asd ds certainly did NOT come with a label.

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