AIBU to expect parents to keep autistic son safe in supermarket?

[middleagedbread]

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2936089/Parents-seven-year-old-autistic-boy-asked-leave-Iceland-not-controlling-son-running-aisles.html

I've checked and can't see this thread started anywhere else. I think that the security guard was within his rights to ask both parents to supervise their son or leave store and I don't see where they were being discriminated against. The £20 'apology' from the store after they complained isn't enough it seems; they want com-pen-say-shun. Cue sadfaced pics in article. I am certain that, should their son have injured himself while not being supervised, these same parents would be featuring in an article about 'unsafe supermarket injured my child'.

Parents of autistic children have enough to cope with without these sort of negative articles.

why don't you get over the d m angle that's not really the point of the thread, it could have been in any paper. i know from experience with sn child, you need a thick skin to ignore stupid, inane comments from total morons, loads of patience and be aware there are somethings you can't do as a 'normal [hate that word] family' as things aren't that simple and you need to adjust outings etc to suit your own situation, you still do stuff but it needs more thought and preparation put into it, majority of sn parents are warm, loving and very protective but others will play the 'can't do anything about dc's behaviour - sometimes translated into can't be bothered, just like some so called parents of 'normal' kids. full on lambsie - A1 !

Some children will never have the understanding to understand that it is unsafe. Or it may take a very long time. Of course parents should do there best to prevent unsafe behaviour but not all children can be taught that it is unsafe.

And frankly shame on the parents of kids with ASN who haven't tried to understand the behaviour at least slightly and just judged it.

Whose behaviour? The childs or the parents?

And frankly shame on the parents of kids with ASN who haven't tried to understand the behaviour at least slightly and just judged it.

Oh thats right, shame parents of SN children. Exactly what you are getting annoyed about, being aimed towards this couple.

Mrs fuzzy, are you saying that I am using the excuse that I can't do anything about my childs behaviour. If you read through all my posts on this thread, you will how much I do to keep my ds safe and help him to learn. When I am out with my son I don't see any parent working harder than I do.

Have a medal Frusso.

All kids with autism are different.

My DD is well behaved in supermarket. Go me.

However what i think is bad is people who should have some understanding and sympathy and have been through being judged themselves probably, judging away merrily. Not shaming anyone

Perhaps its because some people who are commenting here have experience of ASD and based on their experience they are able to comment.

So I will repeat - * if the lad was running around due to sensory overload for e.g. then surely the best thing for him would to have been removed from the source of the distress. Why continue to let him be uncomfortable in a situation he wasn't coping with and allow things deteriorate for him even more?

And if wondering why his parents didn't remove him from a distressing for him situation makes me crap then Im also quite happy to be crap. We can't have it both ways - he was either being allowed to do what he liked or he was in distress and his parents did nothing about making a difference for him.*

And as for not shaming anyone - you're right, because you're not. You quite simply don't have the power.

no lambsie, sorry you misunderstood, i've been agreeing with what you're saying, you are talking and making a lot of sense, which is more than some posters are.

wee birdie, i agree with you to, if a child is having sensory overload and it is possible to remove why not do it ? it's not rocket science to want to help your child in distress because that's what it is.

Thanks mrs fuzzy

Maybe he would have been more distressed to be removed. Right back atcha.

what is the point of this thread?
does it make parents of kids with autism feel better?
no
does it support them?
no

does it give the holier than now perfect posters a chance to gloat?
yes

I don't get why it seems to be expected that all parent's of children with disabilities have exactly the same experiences -

Perhaps its because some people who are commenting here have experience of ASD and based on their experience they are able to comment.

Plenty of parents who have children with additional needs have not tried to excuse the behaviour of ...

Some parents of autistic children have posted to say that they agree that children should not be running around and rummaging in freezers.

You do know that people with disabilities aren't an homogenous mass, who all act the same way, and their families don't all have the same circumstances?!

Also, agree with Mrs DeVere about the families thing, there always seems to be an assumption on threads like this that the disabled child is the only child - I don't know about the family in the article, but when we go out as a family, it isn't just about ds, we want to do things with our dds, we want them to be able to go out and about with their brother.

if a child is having sensory overload and it is possible to remove why not do it ? it's not rocket science to want to help your child in distress because that's what it is.

Oh, gosh, maybe because we need groceries. Even children with SNs need to eat. If the only time I can pick up some much needed supplies for home is when the dcs are with me, then unfortunately that's what we have to do. No, ds1 doesn't like it. Yes, he gets agitated. I do numerous things to make it more bearable for him, and we get through it as quickly as possible.

But I resent people saying "well, if he's upset, just take him out of there" or "just do online shopping." You know what? He has just as much of a right to be in that supermarket as any other child. If his noise and mannerisms disturb you, well too bloody bad. He's contained, he's not damaging anything. But yet people act as if I'm being a horrible parent taking him into the shop to get something that he'll have an ever bigger meltdown at home if we DON'T pick it up! Because those kind of things he can't cope with either.

I never said one word about whether or not it was discrimination. I don't know enough about the situation to make that call. I DO know that people look at ANY behaviour that is not the norm as "bad behaviour" in most instances where SNs are involved, and if the parent doesn't shut it down completely and immediately, people seem to think we're not doing ANYTHING, which is utter bollocks.

www.mumsnet.com/campaigns/this-is-my-child

These parents may have been doing the best job they could in their particular circumstances, yabu op

no the op doesn't care..
"They are exploiting their child, , who they have labelled disabled.."

(I took out name)

they are just stirring

Interesting to note that the article does not state specifically how long this child was running up and down the aisles, putting his hands in the freezers, and banging on the freezer door. It also doesn't specifically state anything about what the parents were doing at that time. I think this is a significant issue, as it's very misleading.

The child could have been with the parents, then broke away from them and ran off. Perhaps the parents were following him, talking to him to calm him, trying to stop him but not succeeding. Once he gets to the freezers, he is opening them and putting his hands in. Parents maybe near him, talking to him, encouraging him to move away from the freezers or preparing to physically intervene and the child senses that - he then starts banging on the freezer doors with his hand (and the flaming ring people keep going on about). Total time elapsed? Perhaps 3-4 minutes, tops.

I hardly think the parents would have just been standing there watching him, saying "oh dear, would you look at that? Poor dear's upset" and literally doing nothing. But again, public perception is everything. They didn't stop him completely and immediately... therefore "they did nothing."

The DM isn't exactly known for well written, truthful articles.
I'm willing to bet that there is more to this story than a boy running wild and his parents watching indulgently.

Ds2 goes wild on the rare occasion that I take him to the supermarket (because sometimes I have no choice but to take him). He will usually sit in the trolley and shout out rude things. Occasionally he'll make a break for it and go running and spinning down an aisle, and it can take a few minutes to catch him and help him to calm down and focus. I'm sure in those few minutes I look like a shit parent, and I'm certainly judged as one because ds doesn't respond to normal parenting and discipline, which just proves to many people that he is under parented and under disciplined.

I think Alice probably has the scenario spot on.

what makes me wild is when people assume the shop and SG was in the right.

Alice, I think that's a big assumption. And knowing what that area is like and if they were kicking out every badly behaved child they would have no customers left! It would have to have been pretty bad and the parents pretty unresponsive for it to get to the stage where they were asked to leave.

A There is a line. And yes, nearly all of us have sympathy for parents of child with a disability but that doesn't mean that family have a right for their child to trash a business and just expect them to suck it up.