to ask how on earth you manage to work when you have kids?

[whyareallthegoodnicknamestaken]

Currently just having a look at whats out there in terms of work as i have taken time out to have dc's so have been a SAHM for the past 6 years.
Everyone wants flexible working hours, zero hours contracts, People willing to work weekends..
Dh is away for work quite a lot and works odd hours, I have no one to drop off or pick up dc's from school. Paying for breakfast club and after school club every day isn't cheap..
How on earth do people juggle it? Genuine question. I have no idea how I'm ever going to b a able to get a job.

I suspect those on the thread who did not take long leaves and always worked full time found it a bit easier (as no getting back into it as they never left) and got higher pay and promotions. We used a daily nanny as that can be cheaper than a few nursery places if you both work full time. We shared who left work first or got home first. It tends only to work if you have an equal relationship with someone else who pulls their weight as much as you do at home. (Teenagers now so not the same issues)

I'm a lone parent, work full-time with London commute and have a rather unhelpful ex.

I got an au pair, works really well.

I only have 1 DS. Went back to work 2 then 3 days a week when he was little. Now he's at school I work my 3 days over 4 so can drop off and pick up at school most days and DH has one afternoon a week planning time at home so picks up then. I'm on teacher's pay so get the school holidays which is a major bonus.

Fortunately I live my job and there is lots of development opportunities in it but it is a made dash every day to make sure I get back to school in time in the afternoon.

My OH is always away during the week so I had same dilemma. Luckily nhs gave me a job share where we both work set 2.5 days a week. Suits me perfectly, I pay for breakfast and afterschools for those 3 days. Love working even better if I'm sick I still get a days rest and stops me going insane

We have used all the options - childminders, private nursery, grandparent, au pair, shift work, kids home alone when older, combination of all the above. Best was when I worked in schools - always home weekends and holidays. Other than that, just have to cobble it together and muddle through

DS 13mo goes to nursery 3 or 5 days a week 8-5pm, and otherwise is with my mum. I have recently changed tack slightly career wise, and have gone from a job which needed a fair amount of foreign travel to get somewhere and lots of after hours work to one where I switch off my computer at 4 or 4.30 and that is that until the morning. Once I get into the swing of things I hope to build up my own business in the evenings. For the moment I am constantly tired, and 40% of my salary goes on childcare.

It is hard. I am trying to look at The Next Step and even though I earn pretty well, the numbers seem stacked against me. In London I will never be able to upgrade and still see DS, outside of London I lose my support network and would be at the mercy of trains running on time in picking DS up, and leaving London completely would mean a complete career change.

I work pt, 3 days. DH is ft but shift work, great in some respects, works 4on/ 6off so is often home to do childcare but not so great that there is no childcare I can find that accommodates his pattern. On the days which we both work our parents help us out which we are immensely grateful for.

It is tricky, but for me it is worthwhile. Actually (not helpful to OP, sorry) it is easiest (but not cheap) before they start school. I have a professional qualification and worked for 8 years before children, so got quite senior. Since dc I have worked 4 days a week (2 nine month maternity leaves). I love my job and my career and cannot imagine not working. Plus my salary is half our household income, so we need it!

I work 9 till 5.30, plus a small amount of work via blackberry outside those hours, and probably 1 evening and 1 early morning per month. DH does 9 till 6.30. We both have a 30 minute commute without drop offs/pick ups, more like an hour with the detour.

One dc at nursery, one at school with after school nanny. Holiday clubs for holiday time. Childcare costs about £20k per annum. I drop one off, DH does the other one, I do 2 pick ups from nursery, nanny does 2 pick ups from nursery and all from school. DH can do some of my pick ups if notified in advance. Emergencies are covered by working out which one of us is less busy at work, and sharing it out evenly over time. I also have emergency cover at work that covers 5 nanny days a year (£200 a time!). Grandparents can cover nursery training days, and sometimes long illness periods like chicken pox.

We just about manage to help dc1 with reading and homework. It is going to get trickier as the homework gets more and both of them have it, because even though the nanny can help a bit I still want to keep an eye on it!

Well tomorrow I am working 13 hours , DH is out of the country, so I have organised a lift for DS1 to work and back ( and found the house key he lost) , ds2 and dd are going to a neighbours at 0650 , then dd will get the bus back from school and stay at another neighbours house until after 1630 , neighbour 1 will collect ds2 and keep him until 6pm , then another neighbour will babysit until 9pm .Sorted !

Would like to add that I do reciprocal childcare for the first and second neighbour when I am not working and neighbour three I pay .

There are different ways of doing it and they all involve compromise. I went back to work 4 days after each maternity leave. DH works full time. We both commute into London. We have a nanny 3 days a week and my parents do the 4th day. My nanny finishes at 6.30 so one of us has to get back on time - usually I rely on DH but often I come home and then work again into the evening.

This works for us because I went back to my (professional and well paid admittedly!) job after my maternity leaves. I would have loved to take a couple more years off but I just don't think I could have got a job like I have now if I had done. It also works because DH shares the load and does his share of getting home on time.

Jilly for me you hit the nail on the head. I think it is increasingly common to put off having kids until you have worked up the pay ladder to be to able to afford childcare, you take 12 weeks maternity leave and do nursery from 8 to 6 it is manageable. I realise not everyone can achieve this, but I know very few woman who took more than 4 months maternity leave exactly so they could retain their jobs. Of course when DC start school its much worse if you don't live in a city where there are breakfast clubs, if you rely on taxis to get your 5 year old from school to the after school club in the next village ... Don't get me going !! I can see the attraction of private schools, with all the challenges that come with them.

Interesting didireallysaythat - one of the primary drivers for DS going to private school was that they are well set up with wraparound care and holiday club - at a cost of course. It does make life marginally easier.

I didn't mind going back when DS was 11 months old to my job, in many ways I was quite pleased. I feel that parenthood is a sprint not a marathon, plus I actually find DS much more interesting to spend time with the older he gets . I don't think I would have fancied going back after 3 months though, DS only started sleeping at that stage.

We've had various situations - when they were very little it was both working 3 days (me from home), when both at school DH went full time and me school hours, and now with one of our children being home schooled for the moment I'm working 2 days per week and he works 5, but one is from home. We have grandparent help now for the overlap day (and relocated for this) but before they retired used childminders and out of school clubs - mostly unsuccessfully.

Holidays are mostly OK because dh works in education. Flip side is he has zero flexibility the rest of the time.

It is very hard. I'm aware that we are very lucky to have had the option of all of those things and the opportunities have come along when we needed them but it has come at the expense of dh's pension when he was part time (and his career to some extent too) and any workplace benefits at all for me - I have had several jobs and contracts, was freelance when working from home and doing schools hours work. At times it was fairly frenetic. I'm now employed which feels more stable and I'm certainly enjoying more time at home but we are only just about making ends meet on a tight budget. My career progression is laughable, I have dropped 2 grades in the last decade (although that is partly due to cuts and restructures). Still I'm grateful that we have been able to piece this together for our family. I love working.

rookie oh there was no sleeping ! DS1 was only diagnosed as lactose sensitive at 11 weeks so except for the last few days when he did sleep during the day, I couldn't wait to get back. Neither slept through until 6 months. In fact DS2 still wakes us most nights. Permanently knackered is a state of being, not a phase.

The thought of wrap around care and school holiday clubs - I'm going green here ! There's quite a bit of making up hours in the evening and taking unpaid leave (why do holiday clubs run from 10-3?). I am very lucky that my work is so understanding. Makes up for their lousy maternity pay !

It can be doable but it all depends on your local provision.

I am very, very lucky as I work the rare hours of 9-5 Mon-Fri (currently in Finance), have 20-30min commute and have an excellent nursery and after school care which is subsidised due to them having charity status.

I do realise that I am extremely lucky to be in this situation and be in a job that pays rather well and understand that this is not the reality for most working parents

I'm a single parent, and work 4.5 days a week with a 45 minute commute and a reasonable amount of travel and stress.
It's hard. I've got a great au pair who does the school run and homework. My ex has them
regularly and is good in a crisis. Both sets of grandparents live a fair way away but will come in a crisis. And I rely heavily on favours from friends and make sure I pay it forward when I can. But we are often flying by the seat of our pants and inches from disaster. But we manage. Just.

didIreallysaythat I think that's an option for some, obviously, but its certainly not the norm in my view. I'd like to think my circle of friends / other school mums are relatively high achievers, and I only know of 1 mum who did what you describe - i.e. took such a short maternity leave and went back full time going back to long hours etc. Don't get me wrong, as I said, there are some people who do that, and feel like they have to because of their career, but I would have thought (from my own friends) that there are very few people who have to do that.

I'm a single parent too. I work full time, dd is in year 1. I work standard hours most of the time but can work from home too so I schedule meetings and visit on Thursdays when my mum does school pick up and tea, and every other Friday when she goes to her dads for weekend. I drop at school every day and then start work/travel at nine, then pick up from school three days a week and do a couple of hours whilst she plays at home. I then do play, tea, bath, homework, bed, then an hour or two more in the evenings when she's asleep. If I have a lot on I will do a weekend day when she at her dads.

It's hard but I don't want to miss out on quality time and school pick ups as she likes me to be there, at the same time I want to provide a good standard of living for us, pay the mortgage etc. I also have a lodger which takes off some of the financial pressure.

It works- just, but I can't say I find it easy or that I'm not shattered most of the time. I also took 12 months maternity so that I could make the most of thT time but my ex was around then so I was able to do that.

I don't think there's an easy way, and I do think it's very difficult to work full time with kids whatever the situation.

Couldn't do it without my Mum.
With more than one child the sums don't add up for childcare if you're manual workers like me and my dh.

Mandy214. As a single parent, I went back to work 3 days a week when DS was 3 months then full time from 4 months. Staying off longer would have meant having to spend all my savings (which are very important to me as they represent our only hope for buying a home), and any longer would have caused problems at work. Do I regret it? No, not at all. It was the best choice for us. I don't know anyone without a seriously wealthy husband who has managed not to work at all for an entire year, all of my immediate circle were working at least part time by 9 months.

It's funny, my two are older now but for the last fourteen years I've been a single Mom and have juggled working, school holidays, children's illnesses, visits to school to sort things out, sports days, harvest festivals, Christmas shows, summer productions and anything else that crops up. The court gave their dad 'shared parental responsibility' which means he doesn't have to do anything or get involved but can criticise when I don't get it right.

I think you have to try and have lots of back up plans and support, and a crap job without too much responsibility so they don't object too much at the times when your children absolutely have to come first.

Or maybe ignore me 'cos I'm on a bit of a downer. I wouldn't swap 'cos I've been there for the children when they needed me.

Good luck working out a balance though.

Mandy from the threads on mn I get the impression that longer than three months may be the norm. In my field it is definitely the exception. A few who have taken more than 6 months have been made redundant simply due to the expand and contract nature of R&D. If people can't remember what you did, and the sky didn't collapse when you went on leave, you really are vulnerable. So for me, to keep my job, and hence answer the OP's question on how to find a job which fits in with having children, the answer is not to leave the work place for too long. But it's a luxury of a choice i know not everyone has, and requires a salary which covers childcare.

Dh and I both work ft with 2 primary schoolage children. Live-in aupair who does the schoolrun and also provides holiday car. It is cheaper than wall-to-wall breakfast and afterschool club and your children can come home after school and re-charge and do homework, with aupair supervising to the extent of her ability.

You will need an extra room in the house, about £400 a month for her food and pocket money and live with the lack of privacy and her quirks.

holiday care