to ask how on earth you manage to work when you have kids?

[whyareallthegoodnicknamestaken]

Currently just having a look at whats out there in terms of work as i have taken time out to have dc's so have been a SAHM for the past 6 years.
Everyone wants flexible working hours, zero hours contracts, People willing to work weekends..
Dh is away for work quite a lot and works odd hours, I have no one to drop off or pick up dc's from school. Paying for breakfast club and after school club every day isn't cheap..
How on earth do people juggle it? Genuine question. I have no idea how I'm ever going to b a able to get a job.

It's very interesting reading this, as I'm hoping to go back to working soon. My issue is childcare too, and how people manage. The Job I'm hoping to get is 9-5, which is great, but one of the other places I'd have to work, is that bit further away.

It's all new to me too. Dds are 3 and 5. Dh does sometimes work long hours, and is away overnight occasionally.

We both work FT, but only manage because DP is a teacher. I work 35 miles from home, so have a commute of 1hr each way. DP does most of the drop offs and pick ups. I try to leave early once a week. My mum does pick up once or twice a week. Both kids pre-school. It's a constant juggle. I am the main breadwinner though, so no option of me putting my job at risk.

We manage because both dp and I have flexible work arrangements in place. We both compress our hours and I work at the weekend as much as possible.

Surely if you go back to work your dh needs to pick up some if the childcare and housework? Otherwise you'll be doing two jobs to his one!

I manage by having an au pair, who is fabulous, and flexible when required. Dd also goes to preschool.

Some very good suggestions on this thread.

Millions work and parent so its very doable.

Given you have before and after school clubs, you can easily cover week days so just find a job that doesn't involve weekends. Or given you use a private school then you must have the funds for a nanny for the holidays.

Childcare costs are a fact of life, it's only for a short period and the benefits outweigh the cost.

DH does drop off and works 9.45-5.45. I do pick up from CM at 4.30/5 so get up v early (5/6) to do an hour or more before DS wakes on the days when I have to be in the office. I now WFH Th-Fri which is great as can then do 7.00-3.00. It is knackering though and when sickness strikes we all pray it won't last too long. I keep telling myself it is not forever but it is hard.

I work part time from home, DH works full time but with a very short travel time to work. I drop off the children at school and he picks up (usually). He's in work before 7am each day so he can leave at 4 to collect the children. I work 8.30 to 17:00 and then usually a few hours in the evening too (to offset the fact I'm part time). Even with those hours I'm constantly chasing my tail and just about keeping my head above water.

The only way it works is that DH doesn't travel very often (when he does we have to draft in our parents) and the school has an excellent before and after school provision.

It IS extremely difficult though, even with the advantage of not having long commutes.

In summer there will be various activity clubs that you can book - they will probably be advertised at school. You'll need to plan ahead though - we have family in Ireland where the schools get 10 weeks off in summer and they all start obsessing about these courses shortly after Christmas

Myself and Dp both work 12 hour shifts, 7am-7pm or 7pm-7am.
Not sure, we just seem to muddle through, we have no local family to help, it's easier doing 12 hour shifts though as we only have to work 3 days per week. Sometimes we work the same days and that causes problems but we always seem to sort something and luckily the NHS are flexible and family friendly, most of the time

The wife has fulltime job in the NHS, she sets off at 615am and doesn't arrive back till gone 7pm.. My business is now part time, as I take care of the kids and running of the house etc..

When we just had the one, we both worked fulltime, with the help of a child minder and the financial burden wasn't too bad..
The second arrival ramped up the net costs considerably as well as the change in the flexible working policy/ e rostering forced us to where we are today.. Once they are both at school I may push the business back to fulltime, but the house and pickups, drop off will always be my responsibility so it may not be practical as my fulltime hrs can be anywhere from 5-14 hr days..

its very difficult op, anyone I Know who works has either free grandparent help or a husband with a very flexible job or his own business

without those things your are f**d really.

i work in a school part time. for me its a gold dust job fits around the kids holidays off. but i do sometimes bump into problems i have 4 children. 2 older ones can stay on their own if they are ill. but if the younger ones are ill im pooped. sometimes my eldest can look after them but if shes at college then she cant. i have only been in my job a year and have already had a warning about time of due to the kids being ill. but its really hard. all i have is my daughter who will help if she's not at college. i dont have any other form of support. its not like if your child is ill you can pack them of to a childminder/nanny. and employers seem to think you can magic something from a hat. touch wood i been ok for a while although i have had couple days of due to pregnany issues that probs dont go down well either... now i have written this i probably get a call from the school today :P

In agree with you OP, childcare can sorted if you have fixed hours but most of the mundane low level jobs are all zero hours, an state you must be available between 7 am and 11pm 7 days a week, in order to work a few hours. When you don't have parents doing childcare it's ridiculous as you have to pay for childcare even if you don't use It so would have to pay for 50 hours childcare at £5 hour = £250 to work 20 hours at £6.50 hour = £130 plus i have 2 that would go to after school club = £80 a week. So would be paying £200 to do some crappy non career job. Numbers just don't add up.

It's tough.

Like Maggie, DH is a SAHD and I work FT.

We couldn't manage otherwise - I have to be at work (45 mins away) at 8.15am. We can't drop the DCs at their school (5 mins away) until 8.45. Impossible.

OP childcare is entirely my responsibility too. Dh is away a lot and often on call when he is at home. His job simply does not allow for factoring in childcare.

I gave up my career because we both travelled, then re-qualified to do something else.

I resigned from my new post in the summer because I simply did not have any childcare for two months (one whole month alone actually). GPs are a couple of hundred miles away, no friends in same position to share with, childminders full, etc.. All compounded by living rurally.

I decided to study for a couple of years at that point.

No answers here at all - it is very hard indeed.

"its very difficult op, anyone I Know who works has either free grandparent help or a husband with a very flexible job or his own business without those things your are f**d really"

Why? Maybe if both work away or shifts but if one has a standard 9-5 then it's easily doable. Most of the working families I know use childcare not free grandparents nor self employed. Childcare is more readily available than ever and comes in many forms to suit the parent/child.

The odd day is tough if they are off sick but 99% of the time it's easy and the odd day of balancing sickness doesn't warrant not working the rest of the time.

SnowWhite - a much too simplistic view imo.

We both had demanding careers, both niche, both involved a commute in a different direction to each other, both involved travel, sometimes for months on end for DH.

If I worked I would be gone from 6am-7pm at the earliest on a good day, flexible working was not an option in my line of work. We chose for me to give up work because DH only had a few years to a very good pension. It was a hard decision as I had financial incentives/final salary pension to look forward to but we had to make a decision.

It was a good decision for us as a family, not for my career.

I don't find holiday childcare readily available where I live, at all. After drawing many blanks and being let down by someone who I paid for one to one (who worked in a term time nursery) I decided that it wasn't worth it.

I miss working and I have worked bloody hard for my career(s), but my family is much more important - when I do go back to work I will have 20 years left to enjoy doing what I do for a living.

Not that hard, we work ft and have no family support whatsoever. I drop off at 9, get to work at 9:25 (3 tube stops away), pick up at 5:45 from after school club. We have the option of breakfast club if we've got early meetings etc. DH picks up occasionally but he works longer hours than me so not feasible most of the time. I often bring work home but it's no big deal. So the daily routine is OK to manage, the difficult part is when the kids are ill but we've got decent employers so really, it's not too bad.

School holidays require a bit of juggling though.

snow white, I disagree its easily do able, I know no one with a standard 9-5 job these days...and if you have more than one child its very expensive to pay 2 lots of childcare, you would have to be a high earner to make that possible.

the op is talking about going back to work after being at home for a few years, so presumably not into a £10 plus an hour job that pays childcare and makes it worth it all and has set hours and days.

There are 9-5 and/or flexible jobs out there and some are extremely well paid. The problem is that they are not generally available to those who have taken several years off to bring up children and are looking to re-enter the job market.

Not terribly helpful to the OP at this point, but IMO you are far more likely to be able to negotiate flexible or shorter hours if you have been in a job a while and can demonstrate how you can make it work to your existing employer.

Which is why I think the long-term situation needs to be considered more when it comes to staying home with small children because the childcare costs cancel out earnings. There are consequences to this decision that I'm not sure people always think about at the time (although of course you may still take the view that it is better to be a SAHP regardless, if it suits your family best).

Obviously there are circumstances where it's just not possible to work if the excess of childcare costs over wages cannot be covered by a partner or savings. Tough one, and for everyone stuck in situations not of their own choice.

Self employed here with a self employed DH so very flexible.
No idea what we could do if we were 9-5 or similar

We use wrap-around childcare and holiday clubs. Easy peasy. Yes, it takes a huge chunk of our wages but overall we both increase our earning potential as we continue our careers and the costs get lower as the DC get older.

What's crucial is that you work as a team, recognising both your jobs as equally important so that you share taking days off when the DC are sick, cover each other when you have a late/early meeting - that pick-up and drop-off etc aren't seen as purely your responsibility while your DH continues without a second thought to how your life has changed. Make sure he's fully on board and understands that your job is your job not your hobby.

I tried once but hated leaving baby DD1 in f/t childcare. I felt I had been swept along by what as expected and not what I really wanted or was best for us so am now a SAHM which I love.

Almost ALL (vast majority) of the WOHMs I know either..

-work only 2-3 days a week..most also have school holidays off
-have grandparents doing free childcare
-either they or their DH have flexible hours (they don't miss school plays etc)
-have a partner with regular hours

To me, I have enough to do with 5 DC without taking on extra work!!!! I am lucky I am in a position where DC earns OK. Also we live frugally/small house etc.

I agree jobs now are impossible. They want flexible hours etc. Not compatible with a family life for many.