to ask how on earth you manage to work when you have kids?

[whyareallthegoodnicknamestaken]

Currently just having a look at whats out there in terms of work as i have taken time out to have dc's so have been a SAHM for the past 6 years.
Everyone wants flexible working hours, zero hours contracts, People willing to work weekends..
Dh is away for work quite a lot and works odd hours, I have no one to drop off or pick up dc's from school. Paying for breakfast club and after school club every day isn't cheap..
How on earth do people juggle it? Genuine question. I have no idea how I'm ever going to b a able to get a job.

Solasum I understand why you did what you did re short return to work etc but it just goes to show that it does depend on circumstance and to a certain extent, your career. I definitely don't have a wealthy husband I can but dream and when I first had maternity leave (of 14 months), you were only entitled to 6 months paid leave (rather than the 9 months it is now). But my choice was to use our savings to subsidise that additional time and tack on annual leave to the max (and I do agree this it comes down to what is important - I'd spent the first 2 months of that leave with my babies still in hospital because they were very premature, so the maximum time with them was my driver rather than savings or career). Had they not been twins / premature / I'd have been worried about my job, I might have made different choices.

Why do so many of the husbands on the thread earn so much more than the wives and the wives are so sure there is no chance they could ever earn what the husbands do?

Interesting question. In our case it is partly because he's more ambitious than me (happier to go into higher management whereas I don't want that) and partly cause I took 5 years off when we had children (absolutely my choice).

However, I think age is also a factor. At the time we had our first child dh earnt more than me only because he'd been working 6 years longer (if you compared my pay to his at an equivalent age then we earnt the same). So it made sense for me to be the one to give up work because (amongst other things) I earnt less. I think its quite typical for the male half of a couple to be several years older than the female, and much more unusual for a woman to have a significantly younger partner so I guess this just increases the earning bias.

Wise words from Sybil.

In particular: "I would urge people to focus on finding the right job opportunities and then fit the childcare around it;"

I would urge people to focus on finding the right job opportunities and then fit the childcare around it; waiting for a job to fit in with the school run will take you on a hiding to nothing.

Absolutely. Having been made redundant from a part-time job I applied for a full-time job knowing full well I could not get the additional nursery cover I needed right away, and they agreed to cut my hours. You never know until you try.

As for earning I do earn more than my husband, or rather I would if I worked full time. But the natures of our jobs are different so it was not sensible/possible for him to take the cut in hours without resigning his job.

agree on finding the right job. I am a single mum, work 39 hours a week and manage. I wouldn't if I didn't love my job and would also never consider being a SAHM (it's just not me).

You pay for the wraparound care and hope you can get to and from the pickups. Hard choices have to be made.

In my case, I work in outer London, about 45-50 mins away from the catchment primary school for our town, DH works in the City, so has a horrible commute, and since about 1 job in my field comes up every 3-4 years in the UK as a whole, changing wasn't an option as I'm primary breadwinner. So we went private (ouch) so DS is only 5-10min away from my work and I get to do all the pickups and dropoffs and if he needs picking up due to illness it's easy. But I get to be with him during the commute instead of him being picked up by childminders and he's never known anything different, as he was at my work's onsite nursery before school.

Course I'm not allowed to be ill or lose my job and I'll be forever living in a cramped semi, but so far it works for our family.

It wouldn't work if we had two DCs - another hard choice.

I work in a school. I will also be putting DS in my school when he's old enough. Just isn't going to work otherwise.

Another option is workingfrom home - obviously it's not easy to find this type of work, but if you do and you can do the work in your own time, then you don't need child care.

I agree Chunderella, my DH compressed his hours when I went back to work after DC1. It has affected his promotional opportunities and how he is perceived at work - I think it might actually be worse for him than for the women in his office.

We both work 4 days, me on 0.8 and him compressing his hours. I earn slightly more than he does and it would be quite a lot more if I did FT.

We share the responsibilities, I drop off and he picks up. So I work 10-6 and he works 7-5. We have GPs who will do pick ups and use a childminder 1 day. We could afford to pay for 3 days of childcare but it's great not to have to. GPs are retired but fit and are currently happy to help.

Even with all the help and flexibility we have with our employers it's still a juggling act and I usually arrive at work slightly late and already knackered.

Yes, think you're right chundarella

Could I outearn my DH? Sure, if I got myself a shiny degree and put more effort into work, I could. But I can't be bothered.

As it is I earn on par with him, well I did, until he got his last pay rise, he will now outearn me by a lot. We don't care which was around it is, it's all family money.

We don't have family around to help us, and few friends to help in a pinch also. I work 6.30am-4pm in an office job. DH drops off and works 8am-6.30/7pmish. I pick up. We also have managers who trust us to work our hours or get our work done and not overclaim on timesheets. We both have every 2nd friday off as well, but DH normally works, and he'll finish earlier and do the dropoff/pickup to save me trips out that day. We do 9hr days for 8 days, and one 8 hr day to get this. Half the city seems to have this schedule too.

If DH is travelling, then I just work the hours I can, generally 8hrs/day, and take the hour unpaid.

One in private preschool and one in wrap around care is US$1300/mth. We get a 20% rebate on $6k, so basically a month free. When the little goes to Kinder in Sept the cost will reduce to about US$800/mth. Summer camp fees will be about US$400-500/week for the 2 of them. I start squirrelling away funds monthly in Sept for this cost.

The only reason DH earns more than me is because I took time off work to be with the kids. We're the same age, and when I stopped working we were warning almost exactly the same amount (we met at work so are in the same field). After nine years as a SAHM, during which time his career has really taken off, plus I've gone back to work part time and in a different (but related) field, and he earns a LOT more than me.

I don't mind though. I loved being a SAHM when my DC were little, and I enjoy working part time now.

In answer to the OP, I use breakfast club and after school club for my DC. And on my half / non working days I can do drop offs and pick ups myself.

I found my job via mn. It was advertised in the job section and came up on a sidebar. I figured anyone putting a job on MN knew what they were getting into:) I hadn't been in work for nearly 8 years.

It's been great. I work from home, office when I can and its the same job spec I had when young in London. Only now I'm in deep deep in the sticks:)

School admin work is popular and if I was looking again I would try linked in, and lots of chatting to women who own designer shops and need someone. Depends where you live though. I have a friend who earns a fortune cleaning people's lovely houses. She turns work down as she is so busy and charges £15 an hour, and is very picky! She gives THEM a trial:)

hi I will have three kids under three and I work full time
I am taking 4 months mat leave and then going back to work- baby due in July

it requires support planning schedule and commitment.

I don't understand how this is even a discussion! Kids are like dogs, leave 'em at home all day and they'll be alright then just feed them when you get home, it's not like they're going anywhere if you lock the doors ;)

Wasting food - such as buying too much or throwing away perfectly good food - is far more morally suspect than preferring to pay for other than the cheapest option possible for a food item.

oops, wrong thread!

I do all drop offs and pick ups and work three days 20 hrs term time. I use an after school club and an activity club for my two. It is a real bone of contention that my hubby goes off to work, comes home and I sort the kids. I also write from home about 5 hrs pwk (paid). I increased my day job hrs then decreased as without DH help it was too tough. Previously I worked from home, sometimes writing for free or peanuts - it kept my CV fresh and helped me secure a good job. Not sure what yr profession is OP but is working from home possible? If not, then clubs, childminders (my old one was £3ph) or working in a school will suit. Good luck and please don't give up x

A huge part of the solution for most of us is fairness at home and men doing as much as women (and often earning the same). When there is an imbalance in earnings/work or where one is sexist and leaves all the chores and children to the other life can be very hard.

Probably been said but how about domiciliary carework? With most care companies you tell them your available hours and they give you clients to fit in those hours.
i do this (15month old dd at home) and have regular 4 evenings a week at work and then monthly i let the office know any other shifts i can do that month.

Cleaning or dog walking. Can work to please yourself then.

It is a juggling act but DH and I manage to work and juggle the school run and school events etc. We only have one DS but he has high functioning autism and there are very a limited number of childcare options for him. He is OK if the care is on school premises as he is comfortable there so breakfast and after school club are OK. There is also a holiday club that runs at the school (luckily) which we use about 1-2 days in each half term and 1 day a week in the summer when we are not all on holiday.

1 I work 0.8 hours spread over 5 days so work only 4.5 hours on each of Mon and Fri. This means I can do drop off and pick up as normal on these days and Ds has a couple days a week where he can have friends home/do homework etc. Tues to Weds I work 8.30am to 4pm (often a bit later)

2 Dh works full time , ie. 9.30am to - whenever he has finished really) but only a 20min walk from the school so drops off 3 days a week. I collect on these days but from after school club at around 4.30pm. the after school club keeps them til 6pm at the latest.

3 On the odd morning (maybe 15 times in the last 6 years) when both Dh and I have an unavoidable work thing in the morning,ds goes to breakfast club at the school. This is drop club where you just turn up and pay as and when you need it.

4 DH and I share an electronic diary so all school stuff is in there along with both our work diaries as well . I can see this on my phone

5 DS has a well paid senior job and can flexibly work from home more than I can so he often takes the "sick days" if he can work from home and if me doing so means I have to take leave. He also has around 30 days of leave a year which he tends to use

6 Dh takes 2 days leave each half term and I take Mondays and Fridays off which leaves 1 days in the holiday club

7 Our employer closes on the three working days over Christmas and doesn't take these days out of our holidays (as some employers do) which helps a lot a Christmas.

8 In the summer holidays We all have a family holiday for 2 weeks together. For each of the other 4 weeks, I work my 4.5 hours from home on Fridays (by special arrangement) and take every Monday as leave. Dh takes 2 days a week off and the other day DS goes to the holiday club.

Number 8 only works now as DS is old enough for me to work form home on Fridays in the summer, before this I used to work 0.6 which meant I didn't work Fridays which was easier but we moved and wanted to increase our income.

Overall this only works because the school has good out of hours provision, Dh has a flexible full time job, I work slightly reduce hours for a child friendly employer and both dh and I take responsibility for managing this. It isn't just my job to sort everything to do with school.