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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to wonder why school mums are so inconsistent?

145 replies

Lazaretto · 01/02/2015 19:07

One morning they acknowledge you, the next morning they blank you? Anyone else notice this? Kind of dumbfounded by it. In most walks of life, once you become acquainted, it's common decency to at least acknowledge each other when you see each other? Am I missing something?

OP posts:

Babyroobs · 05/02/2015 10:00

I'm maybe guilty of this on occassions, usually when I've just worked a stressful ten hour nightshift and need to do the school run before getting to bed. I just can't bear to give out twenty odd cheery 'hellos' when I feel so utterly crap. On the afternoon school run, I am my usual cheery self though !

MissDuke · 05/02/2015 10:00

I cannot remember if I replied to this already, but I was thinking about it this morning on the school run. My mornings are very stressful, getting three children organised and out the door - I know most of the parents in their classes, as well as some other classes - so on any given morning, I maybe know 60 or 70 parents in the playground. We are always rushing, there is just no way I am going to speak to all those people! I speak to those who pass closest and that is it, it never occurred to me that someone might be annoyed enough by that to post on mumsnet. Maybe I need to just keep shouting a cheery hi the whole time and hope everyone thinks I am addressing them?

cailindana · 05/02/2015 10:07

Put it this way BigRed - you can be the smiley, friendly mum that always says hello, that everyone looks forward to seeing, or you can be the randomly-blanking, taking offence, petty childish mum that people avoid.

BigRedBall · 05/02/2015 11:25

I know who my friends are thanks and I know who looks forward to meeting me and vice versa. I've made 3 lovely friends through the school run. I'm not going to waste my time with people who are continually rude. If that makes me childish then so be it!

I think this thread proves that the "blanking" isn't just coincidence. Some people are doing it on purpose.

I'm sick of rude people apologists. "They were having a bad day", "they were busy", etc etc etc. I don't care. Having a bad day/being stressed doesn't mean you have a free ticket to be rude to or blank people when they say hello!

cailindana · 05/02/2015 11:29

Yes, you do it on purpose BigRed, you've said so yourself.

cailindana · 05/02/2015 11:30

So your excuses for being rude and blanking people count but other people's excuses don't?

Hakluyt · 05/02/2015 11:31

Constantly amazed at this concept that there is such a thing as a "school mum". An entirely separate species that nobody acknowledges being a member of. It's like the "I'm a traveller, your're a tourist, they are trippers" thing.

BigRedBall · 05/02/2015 11:38

Wth?! Why are you twisting everything I write? .

Yes, I do blank people who have blanked me several times beforehand. I know I don't blank people. Anyone who has ever said hello to me first gets a nice reply from me. My only excuse is that they've done it to me before many times.

BigRedBall · 05/02/2015 11:40

I meant to say, I don't blank people if they greet me.

KindleFancy · 05/02/2015 11:41

Some mornings I'm dropping the kids to school at 8.50 and have to be in work by 9.15, which is just under a 15 minute drive in traffic. I practically sprint out of the gates and you'd be lucky to get a second glance never mind anything else.

Other mornings, I start work at 10 or am off so I'll happily wander and chat for a bit.

Surely that's just life?

cailindana · 05/02/2015 11:42

Yes, I do blank people who have blanked me several times beforehand. I know I don't blank people.

I'm directly quoting.

You do blank people. And you have an excuse. As far as you're concerned your excuse is valid, and your blanking is fine. But other people blanking because they're stressed etc isn't fine. The logic is weird.

cailindana · 05/02/2015 11:43

I instantaneously blank the ones who do it to me often now, even if they look at me/smile. I have no desire to engage with 2 faced bum heads.

That is from a previous post of yours BigRed. You do blank people when they greet you.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 05/02/2015 12:04

It is PEOPLE that are crap not 'school mums' - 'I don't know why this thread is irritating me so much maybe because I hate being lumped in a group like 'school mum' as if it has meaning.

I am an individual and if I am rude or dismissive or say the wrong thing or piss someone off inadvertently or purposefully on the school run it is not because I am a 'school mum' or a 'red haired mum' or a 'older mum' or a 'school governor mum' or a mum of a child with aspergers' or a 'mum of three' - any of which could be applied to me.... there may be a myriad of reasons for any individual to act in any way and it probably doesn't help to approach the people you meet while taking your children to school as an amorphous mass with bizarre habits and rituals. They are just people who are just as crap as people in any situation not of their choosing - I hate the school run - my children aren't fond of it either and do do mybest to smile at folks I know but if I am particularly pre menstrual grumpy I may avoid eye contact.

You know what is far unfriendlier than the school run - on my commute to work - where we also saw the same people every day on the same train headed to that Central London - no bugger smiled or made eye contact - it was strenuously avoided - regardless how much unwanted bodily contact there was due to the crowded cattletrucks trains. I was staggered by how friendly people were in school and playgrounds situations in comparison! But commuters just people heading to work which is no fun - and you don't want to strike up a conversation with someone and risk being trapped in an awkward social interaction that then has to be repeated daily to avoid being rude - I spent my time reading or listening to music and needed to have that time before work. The school run has its own pressures that might create similar behaviour but I think it is the situation not the people - a distinction that I am more comfortable with.

BigRedBall · 05/02/2015 12:13

cailindana yes, that's to people who have done it to me many times before and decide they want to talk to me when they don't have anyone better there! This is something I explained earlier! Why am I even justifying this to you? I'll carry on doing what I want to do.

You know what, you really are an aggressive poster!

FrenchJunebug · 05/02/2015 12:16

I'm guilty of doing the same at nursery: some morning I am in a hurry/tired/pissed of and not my usual charming self. Don't take it personally.

cailindana · 05/02/2015 12:17

I know I've come across as aggressive BigRed, sorry.

The reason I pursued the issue so much is that it strikes me that there's no need for all this "you're mean to me so I'll be mean to you" playground bullshit.

I'm quite "popular" (not a boast, just a side effect of what I do) and I have been at the sharp end in the past of people assuming I'm being mean because I simply didn't see them or was preoccupied or whatever. The whole "you weren't absolutely perfect to me so I'll blank you forever" thing really gets my goat - in my book either you're a nice person who never blanks anyone deliberately or you're a not very nice person who does blank some people when you feel justified in doing so, for whatever reason.

cailindana · 05/02/2015 12:19

Plus, I always take the attitude that people are human, they have stuff going on. If they don't want to say hi, so what, it's not the end of the world. But if someone assumes I'm some sort of shit for not being super smiley and perfect all the time, that does bother me. If they deliberately blank me (which in fairness, rarely happens, there's only so much you can blank a person who persistently says hello!) then I peg them down as immature and not worth knowing.

chocoluvva · 05/02/2015 15:44

It would be odd to keep on smiling and saying hello to someone who consistently or often blanks you! Normally, you'd studiously pretend to be looking in the opposite direction in that situation.

I have the solution to this school-gate phenomenon;

take a megaphone and announce, "Good morning to all the BigRed School parents and pupils. Please note that I am unable to acknowledge all comers as I am too busy/preoccupied/harassed/snooty - delete as appropriate."

BigRedBall · 06/02/2015 21:31

That's a fab idea chocoluvva

bjornalongtimeago · 06/02/2015 22:14

I find it odd. I've worked in big places (thousands of people). If you vaguely recognise someone, you acknowledge them. I find it really, really odd that you can walk past people on a daily basis, who know you, you know them, you've known them for years and they just blank you. It's so rude.

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