Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

AIBU to wonder why school mums are so inconsistent?

145 replies

Lazaretto · 01/02/2015 19:07

One morning they acknowledge you, the next morning they blank you? Anyone else notice this? Kind of dumbfounded by it. In most walks of life, once you become acquainted, it's common decency to at least acknowledge each other when you see each other? Am I missing something?

OP posts:

Newrule · 03/02/2015 00:05

I don't take it personally but equally I have no time for this strange behaviour. I cannot forgive the nonsense that of it all. It really is rank foolishness.

chocolateorsalad · 03/02/2015 00:55

I would never blank anyone who says hello to me and always say it back. But I'm rarely the one to say it first unless that person is looking right at me. Sometimes at pick-up, there'll be a few parents waiting around in the same spot, but all in complete silence. So I just stand at the back a bit and wait for DS rather than say hello. But if any of them said it to me, I would absolutely say hello back.

Another thing I find is that some of the parents will say hello and make small talk with me if we're the only ones there. But if they're chatting to one of their school gate friends then they don't even look in my direction. I was chatting to one of the dad's once and another parent arrived, who he's good friends with, and he actually turned his back and chatted to her instead, cutting our chat mid-sentence! So now I don't bother so much. I'm crap at making small talk but if people chat then I will too, if not then I'm more than happy to just drop-off/pick-up without exchanging pleasantries.

RandomNPC · 03/02/2015 01:56

When my kids were young enough to be picked up from school, the last thing I wanted to have a schoolyard chat.

Hurr1cane · 03/02/2015 05:30

DS is in special school and none of us chat in the morning, we do a sort of smile and a silent hello but it's usually a mass of stress trying to make sure our childrens routines are just right.

At pick up a few of us get there early and get out of our cars to have a chat. If we don't feel like chatting because it's been a shit day we stay in our cars till the last minute.

Sometimes people don't want a random conversation because they're in a bad mood.

Newrule · 03/02/2015 08:44

I thought this was about saying a mere hi and returning smiles. Are hi and smiles classed as chats and conversations these days?

I do not think it is unreasonable to not want to chat or converse but blanking hellos and smiles?

Laidbackorlazy · 03/02/2015 09:37

I probably seem quite inconsistent - if I'm dropping off & heading to work I really don't have time to chat, I just keep my head down and leg it. At pick up I have more time but am often distracted by squabbling children. I love a chat, and always smile if smiled at, but with kids in 2 classes I know probably 40 mums & dads and I don't manage to talk to them all!! Whoever I end up standing nearest to is who I talk to. It's nothing to do with the other people & everything to do with what's going on with me that day.

pictish · 03/02/2015 09:49

I still maintain I have never seen anyone blank someone else, or been blanked myself.
I think looking at someone waving/saying hello/nodding to you and utterly not responding is pretty outlandish behaviour, so I would definitely notice someone doing that!

I am so bemused by this thread.

frankbough · 03/02/2015 10:11

I've had people close the nursery door, when I'm a few yards way, 2 yrs ago I got stares and a few nods.. The odd person still stands in the doorway being ignorant..

Now most people say hello, in the park after, I chat to a few of the mums but keep it very formal, no numbers swapped or any of that cobblers, people are still surprised at a man doing the toddler/infant care...

stealthsquiggle · 03/02/2015 10:12

Pictish - I would have been with you in not believing that people really did this until it happened to me - and even then it took me for ever a while to notice that I was, indeed, being deliberately blanked by someone who had been really friendly up until then. She had, it transpired, fallen out with me over some imagined unintended slight, and when I eventually called her on it she did the whole "well if you don't know what you did then I am not going to tell you..." thing. I still have no bloody idea what I supposedly did wrong

I do try and smile and say hello to people - like many pp, if I do accidentally ignore someone it is because I am rushed/stressed/half asleep .

capsium · 03/02/2015 10:18

I think you are over thinking it OP. If I acknowledge everyone I knew by sight (all the neighbours, everyone in the playground) there would be a lot of acknowledgement going on. Sometimes I'm just deep in thought or conversation, although I hope I usually notice if someone is trying to catch my eye. They can just speak themselves first though....

cailindana · 03/02/2015 10:25

When it comes down to it - if there are people who are genuinely rude and see you, know you're there (don't always assume - it is perfectly possible to look someone right in the face and not register them, particularly when preoccupied) and don't say hello, then them not engaging with you is no great loss, is it? Just ignore and move on.

I know a lot of people in my area due to the activity I run and I feel huge pressure on the school run to smile and chat to everyone. Some days I'm really not up for it. I don't mean to be rude or to exclude everyone but if I happen to be a bit away with the fairies and someone takes exception to it and thinks I'm being mean and rude and blanking them etc then frankly I think they need to grow the fuck up and realise not everything is about them.

pictish · 03/02/2015 10:27

capsium I agree - that is why I wonder if sometimes this is misconstrued as being an ignorant caaah...

Seff · 03/02/2015 10:40

I'm often thinking about what I need from the shop, is there anything I need to do before I go home, working out if it's likely the baby will sleep on the way home etc.

Other times I'm just too tired and/or stressed and/or late to notice what's going on.

WipsGlitter · 03/02/2015 10:41

I think I am guilty of this - some mornings I have time to talk others I'm in a rush. Plus DS2 has SN so I have to keep a constant eye on him and frequently have to rush off mid-conversation (I hope people are used to this now though!)

The mums in DS1s class are really friendly but the nursery mums barely talk to each other - it's very strange! We had loads of nursery mums nights out, this time - none!

hennybeans · 03/02/2015 12:22

I have a neighbour that I see most mornings when we do the school drop off and she blanks me sometimes. We know each other, our DC have had play dates, we share rides to various activities for our DC- so we have the kind of 'relationship' where you would say 'good morning, how are you' when you walk past.
Some mornings she will say it or look up and I'll say it. But some mornings she will walk right past me and never look up. Or tell her DD to say hello to mine, but never actually look at me.

When I write it down, it really sounds silly and not at all a big deal. Maybe she's just thinking about something. But IRL, it is just so rude the way she walks past, and feels really passive aggressive. It's very antisocial.

BigRedBall · 03/02/2015 12:39

It doesn't take more than a second to say "hello", "hi", "morning"... Some people blank on purpose when they're with or see someone better they want to talk to. I think it's rude.

Once I walked into school and one of Dd's class friends had broken her arm. I walked up to her and her mum and asked how she was and the woman completely ignored me and started talking to another woman walking by. I stood there with dd for a few seconds thinking she may acknowledge me and felt so embarrassed by then I hurried off. I instantaneously blank the ones who do it to me often now, even if they look at me/smile. I have no desire to engage with 2 faced bum heads.

LikeIcan · 04/02/2015 23:15

Bum heads indeed. Don't lose any sleep over people like that.

chocoluvva · 04/02/2015 23:18

I agree. That was very rude.

She should have thanked you for being kind enough to ask after her DD.

Mental note to not do anything nice for mrs bum head.

chocoluvva · 04/02/2015 23:18

x-posted! oops.

Great minds think alike.

BigRedBall · 05/02/2015 08:16

Hahaha ( )!

Yes, she shall be ignored forevermore. Some people just have no manners!

JapaneseMargaret · 05/02/2015 09:11

Some people are downright weird, there's no denying it.

cailindana · 05/02/2015 09:37

BigRed - so if someone isn't nice to you once, you blank them forever?

How do you know that woman wasn't doing exactly the same thing to you, as in, you happened to be rude to her once (unintentionally or otherwise) and now she's instantaneously blanking you? Do grown adults really behave this way?

BigRedBall · 05/02/2015 09:53

Cailindana if you read my previous post I wrote:

"I instaneously blank the ones who do it to me often now."

So in answer to your question: No, I only to it to the ones who have done it to me often. The woman I wrote about had done it to me a few times before that particular incident.

If you think grown adults should continually turn the other cheek and let themselves be treated without respect "just incase someone's having a bad day" every single day, then you're a push over. Being kind doesn't mean you let people treat you like shit and only talk to you when they need something.

cailindana · 05/02/2015 09:56

I am absolutely not a pushover. I'm mature enough to just say hi to everyone though as, as you said yourself, it only takes a second. Blanking people, even when they smile at you, is unbelievably childish behaviour and makes you look like a nutter. You know yourself how unpleasant it is to be blanked - why do it to other people? Why not grow up and say "oh well, not everyone does exactly as I expect them to, I don't know the reason, but hey I'm a pleasant person, and I don't blank people."

cailindana · 05/02/2015 09:57

It's nothing to do with being nice, it's everything to do with not being childish and petty.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6