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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wonder why school mums are so inconsistent?

145 replies

Lazaretto · 01/02/2015 19:07

One morning they acknowledge you, the next morning they blank you? Anyone else notice this? Kind of dumbfounded by it. In most walks of life, once you become acquainted, it's common decency to at least acknowledge each other when you see each other? Am I missing something?

OP posts:
Newrule · 01/02/2015 20:36

In my experience, in the UK it is possible for people to die if they say hello or good morning. Well it would seem so. In most other places, this idiotic practice of blanking people is the preserve of lunatics. Indeed, in most other countries you blank someone if you want to send a clear message that you want nothing to do with them EVER. Not this blank today, best buddies tomorrow, etc

It does not bother me but I do find it a curious and amusing practice.

pictish · 01/02/2015 20:44

Again...how can anyone be expected to acknowledge, greet or make small talk with every single person in that school playground, twice a day?

I think some of you are perceiving slights or bad manners that aren't there.

pictish · 01/02/2015 20:49

Seriously - please answer my question, because from this thread I am pretty certain this could apply to me.
I talk to who is there. That can differ on each day, so yes...I might talk to you one day and not the next. That's what happens.
Do I really have to go around every single mum there to acknowledge them in case someone is put out? Really??

Original poster
Lazaretto · 01/02/2015 20:50

I'm not talking about wanting a conversation. Just if I catch your eye, smile and say hello...perhaps you could return the gesture :)

OP posts:
LL12 · 01/02/2015 20:52

But how hard is it to just say one word, "Hello", when you walk past somebody that has just said "Hello" to you?
That's all people want to know, they are not expecting you to have a conversation twice a day with everyone. Would you ignore them if they were your Mum or boss that said "Hello" or just other school mums? (just wondering)

pictish · 01/02/2015 20:53

Oh and add to that...there are a group of three or four mums I will always talk to or at least acklowledge, because they are my friends.
Are we a clique?

pictish · 01/02/2015 20:53

Oh I would always return a greeting!

DixieNormas · 01/02/2015 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Lazaretto · 01/02/2015 20:58

It's very bizarre...I have honestly never encountered it before apart from at school.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lazaretto · 01/02/2015 21:01

I've also been invited...on holiday, to their house, out for dinner...then blanked upon next meeting. Just font get it. I guess I need to realise maybe they are not that genuine...Their loss in all honesty. It's just that I am aware we will be running into each other frequently for the next 5 years!

OP posts:
pictish · 01/02/2015 21:03

I have never seen anyone wilfully ignore a greeting in the school playground. No one has ever ignored my hello. I have never not replied to someone else's hello, or waved back if they waved at me.

I have never seen rudeness like you describe throughout the three primary schools I have been at the school gates of.

I don't think I live on a different planet...but perhaps a parallel universe.

Hrrrm · 01/02/2015 21:04

Oh my god! It's so good to know I'm not the only one this happens to! I was beginning to feel quite disillusioned with DD's school mums. I'm generally friendly (I think) and tend to say hello to most people I've talked to before. If I'm busy, I say hello while I keep walking.

There are a few mums who are sometimes really nice, but then the next day will literally walk straight past me and blank me.

When I get to the school in the afternoon, I usually join a group or a mum. Sometimes I get there early, but it's only one or two mums who will ever initiate a conversation with me. There's a child with whom DD gets on well - been to their house, they've been to ours, spent several years at same nursery, reciprocal birthday invitations etc - the mum would rather stand on her own than talk to me, and she is definitely not shy, I'm far more introverted than her.

I used to think it was me, but perhaps it's them. Being friendly costs nothing, a long chat is just not necessary, but how hard is it to smile or grunt one syllable?!

BaldricksTurnip · 01/02/2015 21:08

Pictish canI just ask- do you live in the North? I am a Southerner but have relatives near Sheffield and I find Northerners so much friendlier than at home in the South. I can't imagine any of my relatives or their friends in the North ever blanking anyone tbh!

Original poster
Lazaretto · 01/02/2015 21:11

Have to say I'm quite relieved that I'm not the only one who experiences this. I was beginning to really wonder what was going on. By the way...its not just me...my husband is much more friendly and social than I am and he gets the same. He's bewildered too.

OP posts:
BigRedBall · 01/02/2015 21:11

I know exactly what you mean! Sometimes they walk past you and you say hello and they look away..really embarrassing. I don't smile anymore or say hi. I blanked one of them when they said smiled at me last week and it felt goooood...

pictish · 01/02/2015 21:12

I live in Midlothian Baldrick.

Newrule · 01/02/2015 21:14

Pictish, we're talking here about saying 'hi', 'hello', g'day, etc. Not about small talk or conversation. I believe the OP because I have seen this practice all over the place
Work, school, etc. Just very strange nonsense. I don't get it. They will act as good buddies today, you sit having lunch, or drinks, or whatever. Next day, they blank you. LOL. As for me, you blank me once, and I can guarantee you I will forever blank you. When I have done this, the person then suddenly wants to be friendly again. Unfortunately, I am one of these people who can tolerate these foolishness so for me once my mood towards you sour, that's it.

Newrule · 01/02/2015 21:15

Who cannot tolerate ...

Original poster
Lazaretto · 01/02/2015 21:16

Actually, there is one mum who acknowledges ds and blanks myself and oh. I have no idea how we could have possibly upset her. She does randomly speak to me at birthday parties sometimes but again...you never know

OP posts:
Original poster
Lazaretto · 01/02/2015 21:24

Perhaps I'm missing the politics or perhaps they just lack common decency. Not really the way to treat people IMO. Why is it acceptable in this scenario but it wouldn't be tolerated in a work situation or most other social situations. Lack of respect maybe...

OP posts:
Original poster
Lazaretto · 01/02/2015 21:27

So what's the consensus? Do I just carry on regardless or take the hint if it's recurrent ?

OP posts:
BaldricksTurnip · 01/02/2015 21:29

It's difficult. I think on reflection my tactic is to ignore back repeat offenders but continue pleasant acknowledgement with those who are responsive and try not to take it too personally.

WhereIsMyFurryHat · 01/02/2015 21:35

It's just the way it is. Sometimes I'm in a bad mood, tired, stressed or just can't be bothered. I thought it was just an accepted part of the school run.

Goldenbear · 01/02/2015 21:37

I noticed this behaviour at DS's infant school from year 1 onwards, in Reception year everyone was falling over themselves to be 'sociable'. I think after that, people had formed their groups to chat with and that was that. Now, at Junior school, year 3- I see only one Mum chatting to another, no one else bothers even acknowledging each other with a smile, let alone a 'hello', half the parents picking up are Dads and they all keep themselves to themselves, except for one who is American and is really loud and bold. For instance, the other day he asked me to press the tap down for his toddler to drink from a water fountain, whilst he held the buggy and tipped it for the child to drink from it. People look at him like he is an alien from Mars because of his chattiness. I think southern English people in particular are not open people- it's all a bit awkward. I'm a SAHP in theory but I'm meant to doing some research work at home and some days have to take my 3 year old to places when she's not at preschool, I don't feel I have time to chat because I'm not doing stuff- I've always got something to do, always seem to be rushing about.

Interestingly , the people who I say hello to and are chatty with me, have always been the parents who i met in the Reception year- the most chatty of those are Swedish, Japanese and Indian, so not English.

WhereIsMyFurryHat · 01/02/2015 21:38

Actually, having rtft (I know, I should have done so before posting) but I see you're referring to those unfriendly one minute best friend the next types. They're annoying, yes. I hate it when I say 'morning' to someone and they ignore me leaving me trying to style it out with a cough.