AIBU to wonder why school mums are so inconsistent?

[Lazaretto]

One morning they acknowledge you, the next morning they blank you? Anyone else notice this? Kind of dumbfounded by it. In most walks of life, once you become acquainted, it's common decency to at least acknowledge each other when you see each other? Am I missing something?

You know. I find the school gate tricky. On occasion. Or at least i did initially. Dh does most of the runs and knows the mums better than I. I used to sorry about what ppl thought of me but now I can see that each parent (there are mix of mums, dads, gps amd cms) has a mission of their own every day. On the whole everyone seems lovely. Unless you have pissed anyone off then I would just assume that if someone appears cool with you they are just preoccupied or you're misinterpreting their signals.

So the general consensus is that it's typical and acceptable behaviour given the circumstances :). I'll let it wash over me then :).

ikwym op

even if not everyone fancies small talk everyday
I know I vary from being a bit quiet to being v chatty

but a smile and hello is not too much to manage surely?

Oh I agree and the sahms at my daughters nursery were the worst. Would even cut you off mid sentence if a pal came up. I remember once we were organising a party for a member of staff who was leaving and I was asked to do crudités and dips. I could have punched the posh woman who asked me if I knew what crudités were and went in to say "you know cut up peppers and cucumber" I did meet other people as time went on but there were a group of those cliquey mums at nursery.

I try to acknowledge people but don't have time to address everyone I know. Equally, some mornings I'm stressed or busy or tired so not paying attention. Also, catching someone's eye can be tricky - occasionally I've got the vibe that I've just missed out on smiling and nodding at someone by looking away too quickly or them only noticing me too late etc. I really wouldn't read much into it.

If I stopped to talk to all 100 parents that I know at school, every day, I'd never leave the place!

I say hi if eye contact but honestly I avoid it some days as I'm in a hurry. If I'm not I might stop and chat.

I think the issue might be that you know so many mums at school, especially if you've got a few kids at the school in different year groups you might know 60 odd school mums that you're reasonably friendly with and it'd be weird to be walking up the path saying hello to everyone you pass.

Sorry missed the last page of this and realised I've just made the same point as AlmaMartyr and Aussiemum

Yes I came to say the above. We have a small school and I know about half of all parents (third child plus I'm a cm) I'd genuinely never leave the place if I spoke to everyone.

Couldn't agree more OP. So glad DS is at secondary school now so don't have to do the pick up anymore.

I have this problem but I thought it was a French one or one of my own making! When I smile and enthusiastically say hello I find myself talking to a rapidly retreating back. When I get on with this I get a full on double kiss and then all the DCs are marched by in turn for bisous!

Ahh I know ....I find it a nightmare sometimes ...(or at least I did DD is older now so I drop off at the gate) but it is a weird social gathering ...
First I have a role in preschool so I know more or less all the parents to a certain extent - definitely know their names, who their children are, if they have siblings etc - some I do know more than others ... it is a very odd situation to be in. They aren't friends but are acquaintances...
I can think of very few times in a working situation you are faced with 60+ people at the same time who you 'know', are spread over a large area in small groups and most don't really know each other...
I guess the closest equivalent would be a conference or something - when you would have time to go round the room - school is usually 5mins or so, a bit different.

I always acknowledge someone who smiles etc with a smile but quite honestly I would find it really difficult to acknowledge everyone I have ever had a conversation with. If it was just me and one or two others stood next to each other I would probably strike up a conversation ...but I couldn't walk round to all the groups saying hello. And I have avoided people because although I like them I don't really have anything much to say to them -it is an effort and you are half asleep etc. I will walk up to friends -people I know well - and say hello and have a chat though.
I have been ignored as well ...by say a group of people I 'know' everyone there but wouldn't consider friends...if it was just one of them on their own we would talk to each other...
Thankfully it doesn't last long...

I might be guilty of what you describe. One morning I might stand and chat with x mum, but that doesn't mean I have entered into a contract to talk to her every morning....and if I'm not chatting to x mum, I'm not going to seek her out to make a point of saying hello. Dyswim?

I have never been able to work it out, and yes, school is the only place I have ever experienced this happening.
The number of times I have said a cheery Hello when I have walked passed a Mother that spoke to me happily the day before and have been completely ignored, well, I have lost count.
I'm not expecting a full blown conversation, just one word, "Hello", but then again my dd seems to go to school in a town where there does not seem to be many good manners about.
Thank God she will be leaving soon.

The school gates can be a nightmare. I agree with what others have said about knowing so many people you can't talk to everyone. I probably do look rude sometimes, one of my friends had to text me to ask if she had offended me as I obviously blanked her without realising it.

I am often looking at my children in the distance dragging the toddler to a puddle or listening to see if the dog has set the car alarm off again or trying to find the mother I was trying to firm-up a play date with or just having that sinking feeling thinking of all that I should have achieved by this point in the day and haven't.

Somedays I bloody hate the gates. I just assume everyone is fine with me unless I hear otherwise or I've done something that gives someone just cause to be pissed off.

I do try and look for people standing by themselves to chat to but all that playground activity is so frenetic it's really difficult to get a hold on where your own children are let alone your friends and acquaintances.

Ok I am a preschool mum and also work part time.

When I drop her off and I'm not working I'm relaxed, smile and chat to the other parents.

On the days I'm working I'm just focused on getting her in, and rushing off to get to work on time. I barely look at anybody else let alone talk to them.

It's possible that people might think I'm inconsistent, but it's absolutely nothing personal. I'm just in my own stressed out world.

I probably blank people all the time, because I really should wear my glasses and don't. I don't think I'm the kind of person that people think is snotty though - just a bit flaky (fingers crossed) - must go and look for that Specsavers bag now.

You can't speak to everyone every morning can you?

So glad I work full time and miss school pick up/drop off and the insufferable clique of alpha mums. I'd much keep to my own friends than force civility with a group of women with whom I have nothing in common because our kids are the same age.

yes i've encountered this and only with one of my dc's classes. there seems to be a group of mums that enjoy blanking and will only speak if it's advantageous. in which case they'll be bubbly and warm. but the rest of the time an absolute blank. i actually had one mum invite us on holiday and then she blanked me 2 hours later. looked straight through me like i didn't exist.

loads of people have said to me that i'm misreading the situation, that it's not like that, that people might not see me, that they don't feel like saying hello or smiling, that i expect too much. eventually my dh had to admit that they did it to him too.

it's fucking rude and it's a power game that is calculated to keep you on your toes. i couldn't give a shit. i now ignore this group and am always surprised when they decide to talk to me. usually to demonstrate their popularity in front of someone they want to impress. so ultimately i think it's lack of confidence / low self esteem.

I personally find it hard making small talk twice a day, everyday with people I'd consider acquaintances rather than good friends. I never knowingly totally blank people though, that's bloody rude.

I guess, just like you and me, "school mums" have mornings that have gone less smoothly, or might be a bit distracted, or might be making a shopping list in their head, or might just be feeling less sociable on any given day. I have days when I'm completely lost in my own thoughts and don't even notice another (friendly) mum has caught up with me and is just about walking alongside me.

God I completely know what you mean! I always smile at people I recognise or see a lot on the school run (we walk as live close to the school). I'm not expecting anything back except for friendly acknowledgement like I give if smiled at. There are core groups of mums who on their own are friendly enough but when together will completely ignore you. There are mums who will absolutely blank you come hell or high water too. It really is bizarre as I never encounter this kind or stoical hostility in any other part of normal life!

I could have punched the posh woman who asked me if I knew what crudités were and went in to say "you know cut up peppers and cucumber"

I'd have been tempted to say "I'm glad you explained that to me because I was under the impression that I was expected to supply chocolate willies."