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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wish that MIL would just fuck off and when she gets there, fuck off a little bit more

174 replies

Fleetfoxes · 30/01/2015 08:46

I really am at the end of my tether with MIL!! She's so controlling. I've just had the mother of all rows with her due to my washing being out on the washing line for, shock horror, two whole days (due to a busy working life). What has it got to do with her anyway??

She was rooting through our bins the other day to make sure that we were putting all recyclable items in the right bin and completely went off her tits because we had discarded some pizza crusts which is "terrible waste" and we should've eaten them.

She had another ther go because, apparently, DD (20 months) never gets to go outside. She goes outside for a relevant amount of time depending on when I'm not at work and if she's well enough (she's had numerous chest infections and pneumonia last month so no, maybe I don't want her outside all day every fucking day when it's struggling to get above freezing)

She happily chews my lug off but when it comes to her youngest DD (favourite) ohhhhhhh well she can do no wrong. Despite the fact her kids were sat inside all day, everyday on an Xbox through out the glorious spring and summer that we had last year whilst my DD only went inside when it was time to go to bed. She's just said to me "you should take a leaf out of Emma's (N/C) book, her kids get plenty of fresh air". Pffffftttt they must download it then!!

She has a real issue with my DM, accuses her of being lazy and not working (she was a HCA for 20+ years and has recently had to give up due to ill health, momentarily she works in a tea garden). My mum looks very good for her age and in the summer wears, can you believe it, SHORTS! Now, nobody else has a problem with this but MIL thinks it DISCUSTING! Her fashion police radar is going off the fecking wall. She never shuts up about my DM being all fur coat and no knickers (entirely untrue) and has told me that I shouldnt be letting DD spend too much time with her as she's impressionable and last week she was (DD 20 months) stood in MILs doorway dancing, "ugh look at her stood there dancing like that, you're going to be just like your granny" FFS it's what toddlers do you old battle axe. Fucking hell you've bought up 4 kids and lived to see 7 grandchildren grow up through the toddling years have you not learnt anything ?!

She lives just up the street from us and our freezer is on the blink so we are using Hers. I bought all of my freezable items earlier on in the week and most of the meat was from lidl. She has since been through the freezer, rang DP and told him that I should be ashamed of myself buying meat from lidl as I come from a farming family and should be supporting local businesses (which I do as often as I can, when I can afford it but I'm not going to starve my family For the sake of pride)

DP always stands up for me and has told me that she's had control of *Emma and thinks she can do it to everyone else too.

WWYD? Are all MILs like this to some extent?? Am I just being hypersensitive.

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 31/01/2015 11:12

She sounds awful! The fact that she doesn't seem to understand that its just never OK to disparage a person's mother is a bit odd, maybe that needs spelling out to her.
As going NC seems a little excessive, I think I'd be pulling her up on it every time she did it. I'd also be commenting on her comparisons with Emma. Not slagging off Emma's parenting skills,but the fact that she is comparing at all. And I wouldn't be letting even one snidey little dig go unremarked on.
And I' d be expecting DH to be doing the same.

hettie · 31/01/2015 11:17

I'll say it again... You need to move...

SunnyBaudelaire · 31/01/2015 11:19

also if she says one word about ur mother in front of or to your DD then that is emotional abuse, u do know that dont you?

GraysAnalogy · 31/01/2015 11:23

Her body would be in the fucking freezer if she spoke about my mum like that the cheeky cow.

Fleetfoxes · 31/01/2015 11:24

She doesn't have a key so DP must've left the door open when he left for work this morning. Ugh she makes me so mad. I could've had DD in with me??

OP posts:
FrankelandFilly · 31/01/2015 11:30
Shock

Change the locks then put the house on the market. This afternoon!

GraysAnalogy · 31/01/2015 11:31

Have you told your DP about what she did this morning?

How did she react when you said that?

DevaDiva · 31/01/2015 11:33

I need to see where this goes. Grin

Agree with PPs you need to move dude.

Altinkum · 31/01/2015 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GraysAnalogy · 31/01/2015 11:42

I'd be of the mind to tell her you need to go to the hospital for burns. I know, I know, it's cruel but she bloody deserves to know what could have been the consequences of her actions.

clam · 31/01/2015 11:45

Mind you, as a total aside, forget the new freezer, you need to get that shower/downstairs tap thing fixed straightaway!

Usernamegone · 31/01/2015 11:57

When you DP get home tell him that you are both going out to buy new locks for the house NOW!

averylongtimeago · 31/01/2015 11:58

Just read through this, you need to move! My MiL was bad enough when we lived just round the corner (not as bad as yours though). After we moved away and she could only see us on my terms we actually got on a lot better.
However, as moving might not be possible, a few coping strategies are in order.
Don't let her have a key, and keep your door locked - I can't believe what she did 're the shower and think your response was quite restrained!
Pull her up every time she picks on your DM - my mil used to have several "funny" rude and upsetting stories she used to like to trot out about my DM after she died until I called her out on it at a family do.
Have some replies ready - some great ones have been suggested on here - and don't get upset, get cross!
And no, not all MiL's are bad, at least I hope not, I am one, as well as being a DiL for 35 years!

Inkspellme · 31/01/2015 12:11

I'd do several things.
I'd change the locks on the house.
I'd refuse to do anything like use her freezer again no matter how handy it was.
I'd never visit her house again.
I'd tell her that if I wanted parenting advise from her I would ask her and then she would be welcome to give it - and never ask.
I'd tell her that her criticism of my dm was unwelcome and that if she did it again she needed to leave. if we were out when she did it I would leave. I would expect my dh to agree with this plan.
I'd get locks on my bins or have them inaccessible to her such as in my back garden, gate locked and she has no house keys.

ems1910 · 31/01/2015 12:12

That happened this morning?! Oh dear, you need to firmly tell her that this does not continue.

Can you speak to your husband while he is at work? Sorry if this has been answered already but I really think this needs to be sorted today. How bloody dare she storm into your house and order you about! She would have a field day in my house and if it was my mil, mum or anyone else I would tell them exactly where to go (which I can see you did!)

DeliciousMonster · 31/01/2015 12:24

She doesn't have a key so DP must've left the door open when he left for work this morning

Hmmm...who does this exactly? He needs to grow up a bit don't you think?

LondonRocks · 31/01/2015 12:30

Why do you put up with this????

FGS. Mean what you say and say what you mean. Don't engage. Don't let her in.

The end

Inertia · 31/01/2015 12:33

Well, it's lucky in one way that it was only your MIL who walked into your entirely unsecured house.

Yanbu in wanting your MiL to stop interfering in your lives - but you need to do something about it.

Altinkum · 31/01/2015 12:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littleleftie · 31/01/2015 12:41

I am amazed by people who lock their house when they are out, but not when they (and presumably they and their family are more important than any possessions?) are in it.

MissYamabuki · 31/01/2015 12:44
Shock fleet those are not the actions of a sane person and you need to protect yourself and your family. What was her answer today when you confronted her about the shower? I can't believe she did that on purpose knowing how serious the consequences could have been.

I am furious on your behalf, I hope you set some new boundaries today.

On a different note I do like your turn of phrase though esp the Savoy cabbage thing Grin I guess a bit of humour is welcome in between all the Shock ConfusedHmmAngry

SocialMediaAddict · 31/01/2015 12:54

How did she reply?

I'd move.

anicesitdownandshutup · 31/01/2015 12:55

Could you report this to the police? It has to be a crime of some sort. She intentionally tried to injure you. Know that it would open a whole can of worms but really, who in their right mind would do something like this?

Ohfourfoxache · 31/01/2015 13:01

I don't think NC is excessive here tbh. Certainly until she apologises.

Suspect the fallout from this morning is going to be epic, but you need to stand your ground and not give in. And I agree with the pp who suggested telling her that you've had to seek treatment for burns. Sadistic, abhorrent cow Angry

Frozenchipsareawful · 31/01/2015 13:11

Poor you. Can sympathise totally.

Downloading fresh air has to be the best line ever on here. The older generation love to go on about kids not playing out etc. it was a different world 50. Odd years ago, less cars about for starters. Its a different world now and they have v short memories ( when it suits them) chin up! Wine