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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wish that MIL would just fuck off and when she gets there, fuck off a little bit more

174 replies

Fleetfoxes · 30/01/2015 08:46

I really am at the end of my tether with MIL!! She's so controlling. I've just had the mother of all rows with her due to my washing being out on the washing line for, shock horror, two whole days (due to a busy working life). What has it got to do with her anyway??

She was rooting through our bins the other day to make sure that we were putting all recyclable items in the right bin and completely went off her tits because we had discarded some pizza crusts which is "terrible waste" and we should've eaten them.

She had another ther go because, apparently, DD (20 months) never gets to go outside. She goes outside for a relevant amount of time depending on when I'm not at work and if she's well enough (she's had numerous chest infections and pneumonia last month so no, maybe I don't want her outside all day every fucking day when it's struggling to get above freezing)

She happily chews my lug off but when it comes to her youngest DD (favourite) ohhhhhhh well she can do no wrong. Despite the fact her kids were sat inside all day, everyday on an Xbox through out the glorious spring and summer that we had last year whilst my DD only went inside when it was time to go to bed. She's just said to me "you should take a leaf out of Emma's (N/C) book, her kids get plenty of fresh air". Pffffftttt they must download it then!!

She has a real issue with my DM, accuses her of being lazy and not working (she was a HCA for 20+ years and has recently had to give up due to ill health, momentarily she works in a tea garden). My mum looks very good for her age and in the summer wears, can you believe it, SHORTS! Now, nobody else has a problem with this but MIL thinks it DISCUSTING! Her fashion police radar is going off the fecking wall. She never shuts up about my DM being all fur coat and no knickers (entirely untrue) and has told me that I shouldnt be letting DD spend too much time with her as she's impressionable and last week she was (DD 20 months) stood in MILs doorway dancing, "ugh look at her stood there dancing like that, you're going to be just like your granny" FFS it's what toddlers do you old battle axe. Fucking hell you've bought up 4 kids and lived to see 7 grandchildren grow up through the toddling years have you not learnt anything ?!

She lives just up the street from us and our freezer is on the blink so we are using Hers. I bought all of my freezable items earlier on in the week and most of the meat was from lidl. She has since been through the freezer, rang DP and told him that I should be ashamed of myself buying meat from lidl as I come from a farming family and should be supporting local businesses (which I do as often as I can, when I can afford it but I'm not going to starve my family For the sake of pride)

DP always stands up for me and has told me that she's had control of *Emma and thinks she can do it to everyone else too.

WWYD? Are all MILs like this to some extent?? Am I just being hypersensitive.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 30/01/2015 12:14

I'd ban her from the house for the time being. If she wants to see your DD your DH must take her round to her house. Or You should not be tolerating this nonsense. Try not to rely on her for favours such as the freezer business. It will only give her more excuses. She obviously thrives on being a trouble maker.

TiedUpWithString · 30/01/2015 12:52

My MiL tip toes around me and has to be directed to play with DD or go up and read her a story etc. She will go out of her way to ask me if I am happy for DD to have something when DH is stood right next to MiL. I have to cajol her to get involved. I know she wants to but she's DESPERATE not to be seen as overbearing. Yet, on its flip side, in front of members of her wider family (like her cousins) MiL will start to ignore me and try to boss DD (aged4) about. Confused.

Your MiL OP sounds TERRIBLE. I think the classic MN response of 'did you mean to be so rude then?' would be apposite.

TiedUpWithString · 30/01/2015 12:53

Btw, love the downloading of fresh air Grin.

Fleetfoxes · 30/01/2015 13:09

Thank you all. It is difficult as DP and his siblings have all struggled to leave her apron strings. She's not a particularly good example of a mother herself. At 35 years old, DP struggles with basic tidying up and putting rubbish in a bin, wiping the toilet seat after he's pissed all over it, putting clothes in the washing machine and NOT WEARING THE SAME FUCKING PANTS FOR A WEEK!! Hmm

He's getting better but it's only because I've had to really persevere with him. He was really lacking in a lot of basic personal hygiene habits. I'm pleased to say that he now showers every day and brushes his teeth twice a day. I struggle on a daily basis to keep up top of things. I don't get any help around the house - it's also one of those houses that just never seems to get any tidier, it's just constantly cluttered. I Hoover more than once a day usually first thing and last thing at night but you can never tell.

OP posts:
GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 30/01/2015 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissYamabuki · 30/01/2015 14:41

crystal yes there are people like this. My MIL has the hind of a rhino and will persist in the face of anything you throw at her. Her basic attitude in life is that she's right and everyone else is wrong so every comment dig and good deed disastrous, unrequested "favour" is meant to help you and you should be grovelling with gratefulness. If challenged they turn on the waterworks.

didactylos some great advice there

OP You need to move. I don't know about other MILs but mine has also been through our bins as we don't recycle right apparently. It clearly is a widespread problem Grin. She can't accept that stuff goes to different containers in our county, then had to reluctantly admit that "you were right MissYama" after she went to the trouble of calling our council to check what goes on which container in order to put us right. Honestly who has the time and energy to care about other people's rubbish?? You are lucky your DH supports you OP Envy

littleleftie · 30/01/2015 14:42

Seriously OP can you not move?

I would be pulling her up every fucking time she said anything negative about me/my house/my routine/my child/my mother/anything. It is unacceptable and you do not have to tolerate it.

Can you not just go NC with her and let DH see her on his own? I wouldn;t let her have access to your child she is too toxic.

farewellfigure · 30/01/2015 14:48

Good for you for sticking up for yourself. I would not be able to tolerate anyone talking about my Dmum like that. it's appalling. Why do people do it? They must know it's not going to go down well, surely? How can people be so thick? I hope if she ever says anything derogatory about your poor mum again, you shut her down and find a wonderful retort. Have you tried, 'Did you mean to be so rude?'

Thanks goodness your DH is so supportive.

geekymommy · 30/01/2015 15:11

Your MIL is right about one thing. It would be a terrible thing if your DD turned out like her granny. The world does not need more people like your MIL.

SugarOnTop · 30/01/2015 15:33

why do you even allow her in your house if she does things like root through your bins?!!!!!! Shock

i'd ban her from my home and drastically reduce her contact/toxic influence with my dc - if not stop it.

you need to play hardball with people like her or they walk all over you.

SlicedAndDiced · 30/01/2015 15:38

If my mil dared to insult any member of my family there would be HELL on.

Jayne35 · 30/01/2015 16:27

"If I'm honest, I think she needs a good shag". I despise this as a sentiment however. It is misogynistic. Unkindness is not symptomatic of celibacy and a woman's problems cannot be fixed by a man's magic willy.

The OP didn't say by a man Grin

GlitzAndGigglesx · 30/01/2015 16:34

Raiding your bins is proper odd imo. I got told off by DP's mum for conceiving twins. How bloody dare I!! Apparently I'm going to make my stb 4yo do all the housework and God knows what else goes on in her stupid mind. Thankfully I don't have to see her very often

GlitzAndGigglesx · 30/01/2015 16:36

And I'm glad your oh bites back. Mine sits there terrified to speak up to the witch. I think that's why she dislikes me too because I stand up to her and she hates it

Showy · 30/01/2015 16:44

I did think when I typed it that somebody would suggest she could shag a woman too. Grin Regardless, it's like the cruel playground taunt of frigid. Not having sex is not a flaw or worthy of derision. I do understand what the op meant and I am derailing and being a nitpicky wazzock. I just don't like it.

notonyourninny · 30/01/2015 16:51

Have a Wine on me. You must have patience of a fucking saint my dear.

notonyourninny · 30/01/2015 16:53

I'm not going to address any if her points because they are none of her business. How dare she b so rude about your mum?Angry Does your mum know? I'd be tempted to wear a furcoat next time they see each other and be naked underneath. Bitch.

Fleetfoxes · 31/01/2015 10:43

That's fair enough showy and yes I am very lucky that my DP stands up to her as I can imagine that a lot of women don't have a DP/H who will fight said corner like mine does for me.

To be fair if he was that much of a wimp to not speak up whilst his mother was undermining, berating and slagging off my mother in front of my DD I don't think that I would be with him!

I was taking a shower this morning, had maybe been in it for about 5 minutes whilst DD was still asleep. Someone had put the tap on down stairs and it plays havoc with our shower - makes it go scorching red hot. I thought it was odd as DP was at work so couldn't have been him. Anyway I had to get out as couldn't do anything to regulate the temperature. Went onto the landing in my towel to find MIL trampling her way up the stairs "that got you out!! You should have that little girl up, dressed and out instead of lozocking about having a shower." Erm excuse me for being rude but HOW FUCKING DARE YOU COME INTO OUR HOUSE, TRY AND BOIL ME LIKE A SAVOY CABBAGE WHEN I HAD HALF CONSIDERED TAKING DD INTO THE SHOWER WITH ME. IM THE BEST PART OF NAKED NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU SCEPTIC COW'

Yes - that's how my coversatile with her went this morning. I'm Expecting some sort of back lash but couldn't give a shit

OP posts:
SunnyBaudelaire · 31/01/2015 10:46

OMG fleet that is outrageous!
Does she have keys to your house then?
I would be taking them off her or adding a chubb lock

littleleftie · 31/01/2015 10:47

SHE HAS A KEY??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good grief this has to stop.

Change the locks. Tell DP you will kill him if he gives her a spare key.

It's all very well you telling her whats what and DP backing you up apparently, but none of it is making a blind bit of difference to her behaviour is it?

You have to go NC and/or move.

Icimoi · 31/01/2015 10:48

So how did she get into your house? Have you demanded the key off her? If she won't give it to you, change the locks.

Icimoi · 31/01/2015 10:50

Actually, you could point out to her that deliberately causing boiling water to pour on you is criminal assault. For that alone you are absolutely entitled to bar her from the house forever.

Katisha · 31/01/2015 10:53

She sees you as a child under her control. Seriously get the key back and also change the locks as she'll have duplicates no doubt. Seriously.
Never mind backlash. It's not a never ending game of tennis. The game must now stop.

BlackeyedSusan · 31/01/2015 10:58
Shock
EbwyIsUpTheDuff · 31/01/2015 11:09

what an evil crone!

If you never allow her near you nor your daughter again, it still wouldn't be enough.

key back, non-contact, and never to darken your doorstep again is the minimum I'd do!