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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed by all this boring nonsense?

301 replies

FlowerPuff · 29/01/2015 14:27

I’m 29 and this post concerns my oldest ‘friend’. We were always very close, met at school. Both live in London. She got married in December and asked me to be bridesmaid. I was seeing someone and he was obviously my plus one. We split up 2 weeks before the wedding and my friend was quite supportive to be fair and came to see me etc, cooked and stuff like that. What annoyed me at the time (although I didn’t say anything) was that a few days before the wedding I asked if I could take a date and she refused on the basis that she had already given her table plans to the venue but I could bring a friend or my mum if I wanted to? Hmm What difference would a date have made?

On the wedding day she was very nice but it seemed to me that she tried deliberately not to be all ‘me me me’ and gave out presents to us, let her husband talk about how amazing she was etc and it was all a bit showy and reverse showing off about how amazing her life is. Don’t get me wrong, they are very happy together and he is lovely but there was no thought to my recent break up. She even asked me on the night “if I was ok?” Hmm. Kind of got on my nerves to hear how amazing she is from everyone all night. Every single conversation with her friends was all about how she is the best thing since sliced bread. Surely there is more to life than this?

Since the wedding we have been out and she didn’t drink (she’s not pregnant). I love her but I just feel she has completely changed as a person. AIBU to say something?

OP posts:
SirNoel · 29/01/2015 17:19

Grin at the drop feeding

C'mon OP, pull out the big guns...

She won't read this she HATES Mumsnet- she thinks it's full of bitchy losers

Grin
UltraViolence · 29/01/2015 17:19

Honestly OP in all seriousness stop being friends with her.

I think it would be beneficial for you both.

Carrying around all the bitterness about her is so unhealthy.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/01/2015 17:20

"I would rather she sent out her thank you cards - a verbal thank you does not count."

What utter bollocks. Of course verbal thanks count.

Or are you telling us that you write thank-you cards to everyone who gives you a present, even if they were right there when you opened them, and you thanked them in person. Coughcoughbullshitcoughcough.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 29/01/2015 17:21

OP - are you drunk?

WiiUnfit · 29/01/2015 17:24

The more posts I read the funnier this thread becomes.

OP, just to make sure I've got this right:

  1. Your friend looked after you after your break up?
  2. Your friend offered to allow you to bring your Mum or Sister, a few days before the wedding, in lieu of your ex or new squeeze she's never met?
  3. Your friend, on her wedding day, took the time to make sure you were okay?
  4. Your friend chose not to drink on an evening out with you, despite the fact she'd been drinking two nights already that week and had told you she was cutting down to one night per week to save money?
  5. Your friend should, for some reason, send you a thank you card?
  6. You're upset your friend didn't sit you with her family, despite you not being family?

What a bitch Confused

What have you done / given to warrant a thank you card by the way?

OP, you've got a few years on me & i would never dream of acting like such a spoilt little brat. I reiterate, your friend (she is a friend, you are not) would be way better off without you & your seriously jealous ways.

Plomino · 29/01/2015 17:32

Bloody hell . It was her wedding day . HER wedding day . All about her . Not you , the spectre at the feast . I can only hope she's got you standing on the edge in her wedding pictures , because if I were she, I'd be cutting your miserable mush out of them sharpish . Poor woman . And worse, she thinks you're a friend.

notonyourninny · 29/01/2015 17:41

Do you get the feeling shes trying to distance herself from you op? I think being a smugmarried may be a great opportunity for her.

Boohoo she didn't re-arrange the seating plan. Jesus.

Shes not that into you.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 29/01/2015 17:41

Oh dear oh dear oh dear :o

Oh op, I don't believe anyone can be this deluded.

Your 'friend' sounds thoughtful and lovely and kind.

My advice is to give up trying to understand why you might be unreasonable, and just accept that you rather ungrateful and selfish.

From now on your only chance is to pretend to be your friend. Think of it as a "What would Jesus do?" But with your friend instead of Jesus.

So whenever anything happens and you feel the rage rising, just try to imagine what your friend would do (maybe offer sympathy, or cook a meal) and try to do that instead.

Basically your friend is nice, be her.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 29/01/2015 17:42

OP, read up on Narcissistic Personality Disorder and have a long hard think about how many boxes you tick. Then do something about it.

WizardOfToss · 29/01/2015 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notonyourninny · 29/01/2015 17:49

From now on your only chance is to pretend to be your friend. Think of it as a "What would Jesus do?" But with your friend instead of Jesus.

Grin rofl at what would jesus do?

don't give op ideas single white female

spanky2 · 29/01/2015 17:51

Dickiedavisthunderthighs I thought exactly the same thing! Definite narcissist! Op you can't have been that upset over your break up if you had a date lined up! Your poor 'friend'...

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/01/2015 17:54

I want FlowerPuff to explain why, according to her, the bride should have realised that inviting Flower's new bf to the wedding would have given him and Flower time to spend together, getting to know each other (or why this was the bride's responsibility in the first place), when also according to her, she spends more time with the new bf than she spends with her friend, the bride!

NormaLeeSane · 29/01/2015 17:55

Not buying it but what did you give her as a wedding gift? Have you sent her a thank you for the gift she gave you? Have you considered that she hasn't had time yet to send out cards since she is too busy photoshopping you out of all of her wedding photos?

mrscumberbatch · 29/01/2015 17:55

Please tell your friend ALL of this.

I think she needs to hear it

AIBU to be annoyed by all this boring nonsense?
quietlysuggests · 29/01/2015 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaptainJamesTKirk · 29/01/2015 18:10

Gosh you really are bitter. You are not a nice friend OP.

whattodoowiththeleftoverturkey · 29/01/2015 18:14

Bin her OP. She doesn't deserve you.

Come and be my friend instead. Oh, wait, you can't because I'm married. Sad

UltraViolence · 29/01/2015 18:19

Did you help her to prepare, fix her dress and veil, calm her down, feed her, hold her bouquet cards presents and random things people give her, did you run up to the hotel room to get her lipstick, whisper in her the names of people she didn't know, rescue her from boring conversions, basically follow her around making sure this day was the best of her life???

I've been a bridesmaid quite a few times and I've never

Fed a bride.

Also if she didn't have a fucking clue who the names of her guests were, how the hell would I know?

Reminds of The Devil Wears Prada Grin

NoisyOyster · 29/01/2015 18:20

Jeez jealous much op-?!

kissmethere · 29/01/2015 18:21

I'm sorry op but you sound very needy and jealous. I have a friend like you I've known for years.
She actually expects from me what she expects from a partner and I can do that. I'm her fried.

MrsHathaway · 29/01/2015 18:24

I think OP would rather the bride had left her alone Confused

OTOH, if bride is looking for a new friend, I'm sure I have space.

UltraViolence · 29/01/2015 18:24

I'm her fried.

Fried what?

Wink
kissmethere · 29/01/2015 18:25

Sorry stupid phone.
As I was saying I think theres a reason she treats you the way she does, she cares about you but you're hard work. I'd say let her enjoy her new wedded bliss and be happy for her. Stop expecting that she should have treated you a certain way.

laughingmyarseoff · 29/01/2015 18:27

Yabu OP. I suspect your friend senses this anger and bitterness, hence why she choses not to drink much-if anything- so no argument kicks off and she's not stuck there.

I understand you would have preferred the man you were seeing there but the Bride was happy for you to bring someone she presumably knew-sister or mum- or knew more of then some random she doesn't. I would say you are the one sound very 'me me me', not her. She sounds like she was being a good friend and on the one day she and her groom justifiably were center of attention and everyone wanted a piece of you sound very jealous. I get you are hurting but even if it wasn't a wedding I would say the same. I wouldn't tell her this, you won't get a good response. Given the unanimous YABU, I suggest you walk away and come back to this thread later date and read it again because you are not coming across well- hence why people thought it a reverse.